|Reviews for Effect|
| Sayu Matsuda chapter 4 . 7/12/2013
¡Qué bien escrito! Está cada capítulo más interesante.
Gracias por escribir
| Guest chapter 3 . 2/5/2013
HURRY UP AND UPDATE THIS, IN LOVE WITH IT 3
| Walker of Nothing chapter 3 . 2/4/2013
Good chapter I enjoyed it. I'm finding this story more and more interesting.
| PoetryNinja chapter 2 . 2/3/2013
This is getting so good _
i like where this is going -w-
| PoetryNinja chapter 1 . 2/3/2013
I really like this chapter! :D
I can't wait for more to come :3
| Walker of Nothing chapter 2 . 1/31/2013
Good job. I like where this is going
| Walker of Nothing chapter 1 . 1/31/2013
Hey I am such an idiot for missing this. Good chapter
| Sayu Matsuda chapter 2 . 1/13/2013
| H31R OF T1M3 chapter 2 . 1/7/2013
Wow, this is good. It sounds like (what little I've heard of) BB. Thanks for writing :D
| Duwee Davis II chapter 2 . 1/6/2013
"WHO THE HECK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE SHOOTING AT! DON'T SCREW WITH ME!"- Um... why the evasion of 'hell'. In the actual show, which this entire scene is replicating, he says 'hell'. Sorry, it just coms off as... kiddie. Plus, he's just been shot. No-one would bother censoring oneself in that situation.
"What was it all for then? W-what about your dad, what the heck did he die for?!"- Again. He's got all the raw eotion of a feral tiger. Censoring 'hell' isn't his priority.
'uttering a deranged sort of chuckle.'- Words are uttered. Not laughs. 'letting loose a deranged sort of chuckle' would be a better description.
'"I'll kill him. I'LL KILL HIM!" Matsuda said, walking to the puddle Light had fallen in. He readied the gun yet again and aimed at Light's head. "HE HAS TO DIE!" he yelled, firing the shot.'- See, this is what I mean. What makes mild swears all that bad when there's murder attempts etc. You can't censor something that has this kind of heinous stuff going on.
"…Darn you, what…the…heck…is this?!"- This just sounds stupid. I'm sorry.
'Months later, Matsuda sat in his car, on lunch break with his partner, Matt Dave.' - Hee hee. I hope you make sure he's an immigrant. No japanese person is called Matt Dave, heh heh heh.
"It's okay. You are my best friend, after all." - Grown men don't talk this way. Show, don't tell. Given that this is supposed to be a vitriolic best buds set-up, the last thing he'd do is SAY he's his best friend. He'd probably say something like 'Fine. Didn't realise you cared abut where we ate so much.'.
' The pair had been friends since they were born, going to the same school for as long as they could remember and having sleepovers every other weekend.' Nonononononono. All wrong. Either give /m/e/ Matt a more Japanese-sounding name or give him a different backstory. Like him being an immigrant, and being a relatively new friend. Sorry. This is really badly written... see Show, Don't Tell to explain why this just... comes off as sloppy.
', man.'- Uggggggh. Whenever I see that, it stinks of... not authentic Japanese culture. Sorry.
'"Only teenage girls get to be depressed.' Mature human beings don't act this way! Same with "Uh-oh…"- his supposed best friend could have lost someone considerably precious and loved! Why isn't he taking this job seriously!
'"Uh, why did that make you sad, Yagami-sama?" Matsuda said, hugging her.
"It looked like blood… All the blood L-Light spilled…" Sachiko said, hugging Matsuda. Dave stood by, watching the scene play out. After stepping in the jelly, he then decided to clean it up.' This scene. What. Look, how about this? Her breaking down because of a culinary failure may make sense. Usually people who are trying to keep strong during grief will finally break down once a minor thing like a ooking disaster goes wrong. The way this has been handled, however, seems melodramatic and stupid. How about this. After Matsuda asks her why this is enough to make her cry, Sachiko simply cannot answer, and after she hugs, she says 'Nothing's right. Nothing's right any more. Wrong. My life is nothing but wrong now...'
'Tears gathered in Matsuda's eyes as he frowned toward Dave.' NO NEED FOR THE CAPITAL T. Elipses are elipses.
'I just think Matsuda would hate Light… I mean he did try to kill him…'- It's the sheer betrayal of Light. Of COURSE he hates him.
| Sayu Matsuda chapter 1 . 12/27/2012
¡Qué triste! Espero que Matsuda logré alegrar la vida de las dos Yagami vivas.
| Duwee Davis II chapter 1 . 12/21/2012
You know what? Apart from the slightly Narmy 'bell-like voice' line, I have no criticism.
Um... pardon me, I actually um... teared up a little.