|Reviews for Harry Potter and the Witch Queen|
| yitiantulong chapter 11 . 5/29
Great Hermione and awesome dark back-story, also I liked the thoughtful comments about how to respond to really extreme situations. I liked the pushing back on the "the ends are the only thing that can justify the means" thanks for sharing! (Although I admit I think it could do with being more succinct, even if it's fun to delve into a lot of magical explanations and history.)
| otterylexa chapter 13 . 5/14
It's becoming clear that Harry did not come back from the canon timeline, even quite far back in his Hogwarts career. It also seems to me that he has arrived in a universe with subtly different magical laws than previously, which if true, would allow us to reconcile various events from canon such as death or deliberate injuries to students with the power of the Headmaster's Geas we just heard about.
Phoenixes: unless Olivander is a lying liar who lies, Fawkes is either extraordinarily stingy in the donation of his tail feathers for wand cores (one by 1937, one by 1991) or somewhere in the world, but probably not the UK, there's a large population of them. Whether Fawkes or Albus where somewhere unusual when they met I'm willing to leave as an open question. I tend to believe that Fawkes doesn't really have an agenda as we would understand it, he just likes hanging out with Albus (at least in stories without a bad!Dumbledore.
| natysc chapter 13 . 4/26
Please update !
| DarkinocensDLT chapter 1 . 4/4
PLEASE CONTINUED...YOU JOB IS AWESOME...!
| MMax chapter 13 . 3/11
finished ch 13...I know that you are busy with life. Hopefully the next chapter can be completed soon even if it is a shorter chapter.
| TheChairIsAgainstTheWall chapter 13 . 2/27
Please don't let this story die forever. Please update again someday. This is an amazing story. Favorited and followed.
| Faery66 chapter 13 . 2/1
Hope to read more soon...
| Brian1972 chapter 13 . 1/22
how did Myrtle managed to get killed with the geas in place?
And assuming canon happend during the schooltime before the timetravel how did Umbridge manage to circumvent Dumbledore's magically enforced rule? Was he really so careless to leave loopholes for stuff like the blood-quills?
| Dolfin chapter 13 . 1/6
There is a lot I like here. And a few things I want to comment on
Characters: You did really well developing the characters. There is some real character development here, which is something often missed when using existing characters. I really like Dumbledore. You even avoided the common time-travel problem of giving both old and new versions of the character the same personality, you have your new-timeline Hermione developing into a separate person, but still similar enough that you see the common background. Bravo
Flow: I like your writing style, it fits the universe and you do a good job interlacing your dialog with descriptions of the world. However, your time-jumping scenes are a bit hard to follow. Flashbacks work much better when you integrate them into the story (with the character looking back, like you did with your mind-meld part), or if there is a set pattern to them (such as one flashback per chapter, or something). This is readily apparent in chapter 13, but you did it in a few other chapters. If you want to have a split narrative, one thing some authors do is to title their sections with a Place/Date so the audience can follow along.
Plot: I like the concept, and the characters you are building really helps the situation. The 'sending a weak person back in time instead of a strong person' is a nice twist on the formula. However, there are a few things I want to call out.
Ripple Effect / Hermione's power is growing too fast: I really liked how you were showing the ripples of a single action (Harry fainting when he arrived) and how much it changed. It was fun to read how the consequences spiraled out. However it kinda feels like a lot of the other new developments are kind of rushed, particularly around Hermione. I know you are going for a 'her power is growing faster thanks to Harry', but Magic instrument, Familiar, the power leakage, Mind Meld... It kind of feels like too much is happening at once. And that the consequences of the previous events are not really being fleshed out. The scenes do feel right for the story, but (particularly around the magical instrument part) it was kinda feeling that it should of been saved for her later years or at least till after some of the other events had settled down. Watching the ripples of these events play out on events we know will happen is a good part of the fun of Time Travel fiction! I'm not talking about the stuff you already have queued up of course (Dogfather, Dumbledore, Snape, Quarrel storylines).
I guess what I was saying is when the magical instrument part was introduced I felt like the field was a bit too crowded, and while it did develop her character more it wasn't critical for interaction with other parts of year 01 and would of been better spent dealing with the fallout of a familiar bond or the mind meld, and pushing that bit of event to the second year. Of course, maybe it all ties in at the end of year 01.
Info Dumps: You did a bit of an info dump in the sorting hat section (Chapter 4). Infodumps are bad. Readers like authors who do their research, readers like authors who show their research, readers don't like authors who drop a page of research in the middle of the story to prove they did it. :P. A bit of exposition is fine, but you got to be careful about going to far. Particularly in a scene like that where the character actually has a time limit. It felt kinda artificial that the story stopped while we learned about the history of magical artifacts. I think the scene would of been better if it ended at the "Oh, stop talking to me now" part.
(By all means, please do the world-building and make sure you adhere to your world. It is always obvious to readers when characters are working around issues in the world, even if it isn't spelled out to them. Its the opposite of having plot-convenient things happen This is why many worlds have a "story-bible", which can include things that may not be revealed yet but help world-builders keep consistency)
Some of the things I am looking forward to:
The Dumbledore stuff seems really interesting. You seem to have it queued up for Dumbledore to actually help Harry sort out his feelings. In particular, Dumbledore and Snape will have to deal with the concept of some of their students joining Voldemorte in the old timeline. This butts up nicely with Harry's internal conflict on how to deal with Hermione (and Ginny and Luna). Dumbledore is going to be able to simultaneously deal with his own failings in bringing them up previously as well as be a guide to Harry about treating them in the new timeline like new people. (After all, it was the failings of the previous teachers who led the students to become Death Eaters or Hermione to go Dark. Its not Hermione's fault that she had this magic leakage problem that no-one in the wizarding world help her deal with, but this time they will help.) Snape dealing with how his.. rough policies with students led so many into the dark will be interesting.
Its also going to be interesting to see the wizarding world dealing with a 31 year old in an 12 year old body... hanging out with other 12 year olds. I'm assuming circumstances will conspire to keep Harry in school, but it will still be an interesting glimpse into the thoughts of the elder wizards.
I don't know if you coined it, but the Dogfather is the most awesome term I've ever seen :P.
Now that Hermione knows about the House Elf situation, I think she will need something else to rail against. Looks like it might be sexism in this fic. That sounds good :P.
NOTE: I strive to be honest in my reviews, which means they might be a bit harsh. They are not intended to hurt, and I'm not always the intended audience. I hope they are valuable. I'm always willing to discuss anything I said via PM :).
TL:DR; Fun Story, subverts standard 'go back and time and fix things' plot.
| Reviewer of the West chapter 13 . 1/3
Great story. Please keep giong.
However, writing what is essentially the follow-on scene to the previous chapter as a flashback after jumping forward almost two months was very jarring. I'd recommend in the future to just write the follow-on scene and then move on to the next one.
| Man of Constant Sorrow chapter 13 . 12/25/2016
Well, no update for Christmas, which is disappointing, but I understand, real life takes precedence.
This truly is my very favorite Harry Potter fanfic, if you could at all find the time, could you please consider updating it for my birthday this coming March?
Hope you and yours are well.
All the best,
Man ofConstant Sorrow
| Guest chapter 13 . 12/21/2016
Wow I've really enjoyed this story. Did you continue it anywhere?
| x-marks-the-spot1974 chapter 1 . 12/21/2016
Just read through the story and I like it a lot.
| mikkelibob chapter 13 . 11/17/2016
I hope you come back to this story soon!
| fisoba chapter 13 . 11/16/2016
I love this story and its character development. Hope that you keep your promise and countinue this story in December as you promised on your tumblr :).