|Reviews for Lion Unity|
| Kitten Arina chapter 7 . 8/3/2015
I got this from another Fanfiction author off of there Profile page. I am posting this cause I pretty much agree with it. Now I will not that you are not doing of the things listed here but there is enough that really apply to you and your story I do hope you take this to heart and work on the stuff that really applies to you.
Next, Fanfiction Author Notes:
I ignore most pre- or post-Author Notes in Fanfiction because they are a waste of space. They:
A. repeatedly apologize for short posts (So what if it's short? I'm just glad you posted at all!),
B. repeatedly apologize because they haven't posted sooner (your schedule is your schedule, no need to say a word),
C. apologize for posting filler (If it's filler, it doesn't move the plot - why the heck are you wasting your time, and mine, writing that crap? Delete it and write something that moves the plot!),
D. apologize for a boring post (So make it exciting! Blow something up!),
E. complain they aren't happy with the post, the post is crap (If it's crap FIX IT! Don't post crap!),
F. complain about how the post is crap because the French/Latin/other non-English is badly translated (See "E" above. Just say the translation is to the best of your ability and if anyone wants to improve it, to send you a message!),
G. complain about work/school/family/life (Poor baby . . . nobody cares unless you died and can't finish the story! I want to read the story, not your pathetic life),
H. beg for reviews (Stop that! It sounds like you're an attention whore . . . or pathetic . . . or both.),
I. complain about flames/anonymous reviews (Ignore the trolls! Don't waste your time, or mine, on those pathetic, lonely, attention whores),
J. respond to individual reviews instead of using P.M. (If the answer is important enough that you feel you have to publicly do it, then it should be in the story! Otherwise, Private Message.)
K. argue with or complement reviewers to no purpose (Every heard of Private Messaging? Use it! Stop wasting my time with things I don't care about!),
L. bragging about how fast or hard it was to write the post (nobody cares, stop being an attention whore!).
After-post Author Notes are just as bad, except you can add:
L. bragging about how brilliant/great/clever that post was, or how clever you were with that plot device, hiding the pop-culture reference, etc. (Stop being an Attention Whore!),
M. leaving spoilers about future posts with the solution to the problem(s) introduced in this post (Of course you're going to solve it in future post! Stop posting spoilers to your story! Twit).
N. Or worse, asking people if they liked your post! (Talk about being an attention whore, sheesh!)
About the only things you need to put in an author's note are:
A. acknowledgements to proof readers and people who provided important details/plot developments/translation assists,
B. details about the background story (i.e., how you figured the population numbers, why the class sizes are changed, size/location of the various places in your story if they differ markedly from other canon, etc.),
C. occasionally remarking on unusual responses, such as the 1,000th review or a sudden flood, or dirth, of reviews.
D. save Author Notes for unusual and important situations.
If you have grammar problems or prefer British/American spelling, state so at the beginning of the first chapter . . . and NOT every chapter thereafter (Most people are bright enough to remember this, the rest are trolls. Ignore them.)
| Angel of the Night Watchers chapter 68 . 7/12/2015
Great story! I can't wait to see where you go with this. Gryffindor actually being a family can accomplish anything I'm sure. My favorite part hands down is the Gryffindors setting up Remus and Charity.
| ironhair chapter 32 . 6/30/2015
Good read so far, but last two Chaptrs wre directly copied from canon, it felt like.
| DarkViolet7258 chapter 68 . 6/28/2015
one of best stories I have read about griffindors as community, the plotline, how people grow and how their bonds with each other grow...
not many see that in so many dimensions
| TwiliFay chapter 68 . 6/10/2015
Okay, It took me three days to catch up, and I have to say wow and I love it. I love everyone, even Ginny's Fan Club, I love. You have such a style and how everything worked out is wonderful.
I like how Sirius has his mental issues and how Burgus is seeing Lupin and how how you write Snape is awesome. I have to say you write this better than JK. Gryiffdors are loyal so they should be behind Harry and everyone else that is having a problem.
So again I love it, love it love and I will be here till this story is done. So keep on writing. Great job!
| naruto kurama chapter 11 . 6/7/2015
I love your idea! I think Griffendor should have actually been like this.
| The Dread Pirate Jones chapter 25 . 6/1/2015
"Hufflepuffs are evil."
"That we are. Too bad no one will ever believe you, yeah?"
That is hilarious! I really appreciate how you don't underestimate the power of Hufflepuff House - so many ff authors present it as the House of Rejects. Or, even worse, they exaggerate Hufflepuff House as the most virtuous... as if the Badgers are too good and pure for this world.
Basically, I really like how you portray Hufflepuff. It's very balanced :)
| HurricaneShippu chapter 11 . 5/16/2015
It feels like you're pulling too many things out your ass. A passage behind a tapestry which leads to Syltherins monster that no one has ever found... BS. And I get that you want to include more people but it no longer feels like a Harry centric fic. The way you got rid of Dumbledore annoyed me, first you have him act completely out of character, then you have him literally go senile. And Hermione wouldn't find out all that information about Horcruxes, it's such an esoteric branch of magic that not much is known, and anything that is is highly restricted. And anything that referenced it was removed from the Hogwarts library.
What I don't get is why Harry didn't go straight to Dumbledore once finding Riddle's enchanted diary to be Voldemort, especially since you had them go to him in the end anyway.
Plus what is with making Snape so pathetic... Snape is an awesome character, he is incredibly complex and is great to read when portrayed realistically. Your characterisations are borderline bashing. I mean Ginny seemed to be the next Dark Lord in the rising with how you were directing her thoughts.
I liked your concept, I really did, and I wanted it to work. But too many things kept annoying me, too many little discrepancies that kept niggling like nargles in the back of my mind.
| J.Marchman chapter 9 . 5/14/2015
Wow. Well played on chapter 10. I don't think I've ever seen Albus step down before. This story has gotten really good in the last few chapters after a slightly rocky start, and I wanted to drop this here. Keep it up!
| Guest chapter 3 . 5/5/2015
Honestly, I almost thought you were going to say 'And then, without warning, Arthur Septimus Weasley pushed Lucius Abraxas Malfoy until he died.
| Guest chapter 1 . 5/5/2015
Why would Vernon ask if he didn't care? he would just say did you have a bad year and harry would say yeah, i almost died
| DaughtrOfDeath chapter 68 . 5/3/2015
Omg! Poor Sirius! His life is so messed up right now, I feel so bad for him! Please update soon, I need to know if he gets better! Thank you, and please don't listen to all the people trashing your fanfic, you are a bloody brilliant writer if I have ever seen one! Never stop writing, the world needs more writers like you.
| mworth1019 chapter 68 . 5/1/2015
Poor Sirius. Great story...love it keep the chapters coming...
| Anhkmorpork chapter 67 . 4/28/2015
It was only as I was reading this, it occurred to me that in the second task, Myrtle is in the lake, having sometimes been flushed. The black lake is where the sewage comes out. I wouldn't swim in that for a thousand galleons, and even if a loved one was at risk I would not use gillyweed. "Is this one of the champio- no, sorry, false alarm. Just a floater."
| ElsaElphieGinny chapter 68 . 4/25/2015
Wait, what?! I didn't review before for this chapter? Never mind, I'm reviewing now. Poor Sirius! And James...
And wow, Seamus really doesn't like Krum!