|Reviews for Crossroads|
| IchiIchi chapter 15 . 6h
Feel as if this story was going pretty good. Although I felt as if Ash wasn't growing as much as I thought he would. And that fight with Paul annoyed the hell outta me. Besides that, it's a great story (although Paul really did annoy me... a lot) so far, and I hope to possibly read some more soon
| UCCMaster chapter 10 . 4/20
"Strangely, though, that luck also seems to have manipulated my experience during my League journeys to sound kind of like a TV show. That would explain how Pikachu never seems super-powered whenever I begin a new region after losing..."
I love when people reflect and figure out that their lives are actually a tv show. Why nobody else complimented you on this clever dialogue is beyond me
| AnthonyC22 chapter 15 . 4/16
What a great story this is! Really hope that you can continue it so we can see if Anabel kicks Ash's, or should I say Pokelantis King, and get Ash back to normal.
| AnthonyC22 chapter 14 . 4/16
I seriously hope that the King of Pokelantis hasn't made a cameo appearance and taken Ash over, though it definitely seems like it. Though what would it have to do with his Aura is all I'm thinking... Hope Anabel can get the real Ash back.
| AnthonyC22 chapter 13 . 4/16
Paul can never change... Man, Charizard really needs to get his butt out to the action. I bet he could have barbecued all of Paul's pokemon singlehandedly!
| AnthonyC22 chapter 12 . 4/16
Damn you cliffhanger...DAMN YOU! Also, Damn you Paul!
| AnthonyC22 chapter 11 . 4/16
Battle Colosseum sounds like an awesome name for a place in the Battle Frontier. What the heck was with that worldwide sneeze epidemic? Arceus must have done it, but reason is why... Dragon Sneeze has got to be the funniest attack I have ever heard of! So it sneezes and the attack somehow does damage!
Wanting to go on a date with Anabel, I seriously never even saw this coming. And from Ash of all people, that's just so un Ash like.
| Brayan Mariachi chapter 15 . 7/6/2014
Obs: I started reading this fic yesterday, and caught up now.
I was skeptical when you decided to add an OC in chapter 10, mainly because I don't like Oc's too much, when they are added in a story that's REALLY original (like yours really, it's awesome! I don't think I know anyone who made Ash actually accept the offer), because I want only to see how the characters from the show would do. Example: I've given up on the story "Serene Phoenix", by... I don't remember his username... But anyway, I'd give up on the story because of his OC, Dusk, nothing wrong with him, but I really would like to see ONLY the characters from the anime, and Dusk ended up a little TOO similar with Tobias, but yeaaah...
Nways, I decided to give your OC a chance, and he ended up really nice in the story. I liked his bond with Ash and Anabel, and his personality is really nice too. So yeah..
Adiós, diz Mariachi
| J.T.P2013 chapter 15 . 5/2/2014
Please hurry up & update soon as I want to read what happens next
| Duncan0Idaho chapter 14 . 3/14/2014
you are fucking kidding me pokeatlantis? the mother fucker came BACK?!
| MysticGalaxia chapter 15 . 2/16/2014
A comment about your dialogue:
I noticed that you usually use a verb right before or right after a line of dialogue. Sometimes the sentence sounds better without it.
Ex. 1: "Before the battle began Anabel said 'Ash I'll ask...'" - "'Ash I'll ask...'"
Ex. 2: "'...Quick Attack into an Iron Tail!' called Ash as the yellow Mouse sprang forward..." - "...Iron Tail!' The yellow mouse sprang forward..."
Also, try to use more of an active tone rather than a passive tone.
Ex. 3: "'Go in with Volt Tackle!' Called Ash once again anticipating Anabel's command." - "Once again anticipating Anabel's command, Ash called out, 'Go in with Volt Tackle!'"
Ex. 4: "'...smack that pathetic Pokémon away' ordered Ash directed after Anabel released her command as if Ash knew..." - "'...smack that pathetic Pokémon away!' ordered Ash, directly after Anabel released her command. It was as if Ash knew..."
Ex. 5: "'...get up!' Called Anabel while Ash kept on the now ruthless assault by calling out 'Follow up with Iron Tail!'" - "'...get up!' called Anabel. Meanwhile, Ash kept on the ruthless assault. 'Follow up with Iron Tail!'"
And as usual, watch out for run-ons.
Ex. 6: "While Alakazam got back to its feet Pikachu quickly released a powerful stream of electricity towards it but Anabel was able to..." - "While Alakazam got back to its feet, Pikachu quickly released a powerful stream of electricity towards it. Fortunately, Anabel was able to..."
Ex. 7: "'Alakazam try to...' called Anabel mentally but unfortunately the effort was in vain as the Psycho Cuts got destroyed by the Thunderbolt barrage and there were to many streams of lighting coming towards Alakazam that it couldn't control all of them causing multiple bolts to strike Alakazam." - "'Alakazam try to...' Unfortunately, the effort was in vain. The Psycho Cuts got destroyed by the Thunderbolt barrage, and there were too many streams of lighting coming towards Alakazam that it couldn't control all of them, causing multiple bolts to strike Alakazam."
Notice that I made some punctuation corrections in the examples. Some general rules:
a) If a part of a sentence follows a line of dialogue and the line of dialogue normally ends with a period, make it a comma.
Ex. 4: "'...away' ordered Ash..." - "'...away,' ordered Ash..."
b) If a part of a sentence follows a line of dialogue, don't capitalize the part of the sentence.
Ex. 5: "'...get up!' Called Anabel..." - "'...get up!' called Anabel..."
c) If a part of a sentence precedes a line of dialogue, use a comma before quotation marks.
Ex. 1: "...Anabel said 'Ash I'll ask...'" - "...Anabel said, 'Ash I'll ask...'"
That's it. I know this sounds like a lot of negatives, but honestly you're getting better. There's no problem with the plot. Just keep up the good work!
| WhiteEagle1985 chapter 15 . 2/14/2014
A great chapter, and I'm looking forward to the next part of this arc in the story!
| MidnightHunter563 chapter 15 . 2/13/2014
interesting chapter, i hope Ash snaps out of this funk that he's in now before it ruins him forever. however i think after this dark ash saga is over he'll grow more as a person an a battler.
| Antex-The Legendary Zoroark chapter 15 . 2/13/2014
Great chapter! Somehow I knew she was gonna use Kirlia as her last one.
| RHatch89 chapter 15 . 2/13/2014
nice job :)