|Reviews for One-Ness|
| VelvetWood chapter 5 . 6/4/2015
I've read several of your stories now, and have enjoyed all of them. For the most part, they are excellently written, and a real pleasure to read. I particularly liked, "With You By My Side" and felt that you did very well with the hard science bits - though there were times that it was fairly obvious you haven't studied developmental psychology, but, then again, nobody's perfect!
Anyway, the primary purpose of this review, other than to let you know I think you did a great job on your stories, is a very minor nitpick. There's a particular word that you've used in most of the stories that I've read that has been misused every single time. Where you should be using the word 'wary' you've used 'vary' instead. I'm not sure if this is a typo (if you happen to type in Dvorak, like I do, 'v' and 'w' are right next to each other) that spellcheck isn't catching because both are real words, or if it's an actual misunderstanding of the word (which seems unlikely, given your solid intelligence and impressive lexicon, but would be understandable, especially if English isn't your first language), but either way, it really stands out... probably because it's the only such error I've seen in your work. I know it's a pain to catch such errors, but I figured if you knew, at least, that the tendency to make that particular error existed, you could catch it easily with a quick 'search & replace'. As a writer, myself, (of original horror, urban fantasy, and erotic fiction, though, not usually fanfic, as I find it difficult to write with characters not my own) I figured that, since I would want to know if I had a 'signature error' like that, then perhaps you would like to know, as well. No offense was meant, and, as I said, I've found your stories to be quite excellent.
| CCBottle chapter 1 . 3/23/2015
I like fics that have parts like this that point out how stupid HBP and DH were but it does get a little depressing how much they were ruined.
| The Ghostly Minion chapter 10 . 2/12/2015
A story very well worth reading.
D. Page Robin
| The Ghostly Minion chapter 1 . 2/11/2015
Interesting start to this story. It is running differently than most 'soul bond' stories, which is all to the good. Personally, I find most of them end up being lazily done. I think i've no need to worry about that here.
Tis is a story I look forward to finishing.
D. Page Robin
| The Truth of Words chapter 10 . 2/10/2015
Good story but you entirely crossed out the existence of squibs whom are people born of magical descent whom themselves do not have magic, even then both they and their children are allowed knowledge of and are allowed to live in the magical world.
| The Blind Dragon chapter 3 . 1/13/2015
Just curious. How did the news that Harry and Hermione no longer have any magic get out of the castle?
A big flaw in the storyline from my POV.
Peter was long gone and the only other people that were in the know were the Headmaster, Professors McGonagal and Lupin, the Grangers, Madam Pomfrey and Snuffles/Sirius Black.
Even if Severus Snape knew, his reactions showed that he was not the one to let the news leak out and since nothing was reported in the Daily Prophet, I have a hard time believing that Rita Skeeter knew anything.
| MrsH chapter 10 . 1/1/2015
This is the third of this author's stories I have read in rapid succession, and although it is the shortest and most unusual, I think it is my favorite. Thanks for sharing it!
| desireejones99 chapter 10 . 11/30/2014
There were 3 continuity problemsin yor story which keptv it from being really good. Almost abando ed reading it 4 tkmes
| Jimbocous chapter 10 . 10/22/2014
Nicely done, though perhaps cut a bit short in the end. Thanks for a great read!
| herart chapter 1 . 10/6/2014
Oh, a really really good first chapter.
Hr following a lying Ron and leaving Harry in dispair.
| Deathday Party Planner chapter 10 . 6/11/2014
Wow, yesterday in a review of HPDR, I asked for a full length novel incorporating the Master of Death theme along with soul bonding and time travel and, low and behold, you had already already tried the lite version in this novella. Thank you for this enjoyable read! (Note: I'm not giving you a pass on Chapter 6's insult of 'stay at home' women where you stated they do "nothing constructive." That was bad.) I'm still begging for the full length novel where the Master of Death is central to the main story arch. Again, thank you for this lovely story.
| Deathday Party Planner chapter 6 . 6/10/2014
I am very disappointed with you! You expressed a very disrepectful platitude:
"... Hermione was not suited to be a live at home woman. Her brilliant mind would not take it kindly to be doing nothing constructive, ..."
First, you meant to say, "stay at home woman" instead of "live at home woman." Most everyone lives at home. But most importantly, women who CAN 'stay at home' should be said to be EMPLOYED there. AND I'd be careful, were I you, to express the idea that raising children, supporting a husband, keeping house, making a home, cooking, cleaning, chauffeuring, gardening, care giving, volunteering and so much more supporting the members of a woman's family and community from her home was not gainful or "nothing constructive!" That's an ignorant concept you should purge from your no doubt long list of stupid misconceptions. As a professional woman, I may earn a salary from employment outside my home, but in doing so I and my family are forced to make certain sacrifices and compromises that we wish we didn't due to the absence of one of us working at home full time. I would like nothing more than for my daughters to have the option of staying at home full time if they choose. I were attempting to convey the idea that Hermione would not choose the 'stay at home' option because her interests lay outside the home rather than conveying the ignorantly judgemental mistake that women who do work at home are inferior and thereby fail to make a significant contribution to society.
| Deathday Party Planner chapter 4 . 6/10/2014
Question: After Wormtail escaped McGonagall's office in which everyone was ministering to HHr in their newlybound/petrified/magicless condition, why couldn't the newly empowered HHR time back qnd scoop him up as he bolted from the office? A very complex chapter.
| sfjoellen chapter 10 . 2/22/2014
thanks for writing!
| Litfreak89 chapter 10 . 1/29/2014
Awesome story! I thoroughly enjoyed it :)