Reviews for Harry Potter and the Swarm
Guest chapter 19 . 6/20
New chapters?
Bluenait chapter 4 . 5/26
ahhh a Fucking beta bitch potty poter trash fic like allways
Archangel Change24 chapter 19 . 1/20
In this chapter hermione makes a rather large mistake. Cannibalism isn’t the consumption of other sentients. It is the consumption of your own kind. Ants eating ants of the same kind is cannibalism. Centaurs eating Acromantulas is just survival.
Red Riding Cape chapter 19 . 9/21/2023
Really cool and well-written story, thanks for writing and sharing it. I like how you balance out the management of the swarm with the actual plot, I've seen many stories that get bogged down in the details and take forever to advance the plot, which you have avoided.
Dark-Prince-of-Clowns chapter 18 . 9/1/2023
Dumbledore is a moron.

War generals kill people all the tume, ywt when the war ends they stop killing people.

To kill a terrorist does not make YOU are terrorist. That logic is so flawed it's not even funny. *Wacks dumbledore over the head with his phoenix, takes his wands, and stick him in a mental ward for the elderly where he belongs*

Seriously tho... You're story is irritating and good in equal doses. Lol

Conflicts to overcome DO make for a good story. But the shere amount of constant conflict without the happy-cute downtime in between actually makes it a bit painful to read.

I see why author Brandon McNulty says that conflict and problems should be split up with more fluffy or heartwarming scenes in between. Like a wave pattern where the waves slowly goes higher until the biggest at the Final Battle.

You write well, but you also need to work on a few areas, like that one.

(And dumbledore is at least in-character. More or less.
And he's more himself here than in a sadly large amount of other fanfics.)
Dark-Prince-of-Clowns chapter 13 . 9/1/2023
Kudos for getting the Death Eater numbers right! _

(Well, it's no hard and fast fact. But one overly Sheldonian fan calculated that the absolute maximum Death Eaters to have existed was somewhere between 80 and 120.

And a good number of them spent 14 years in jail. Zero practise with magic, their bodies AND minds slowly deteriorating... the fact that they got taken out by children does NOT suprise me.

And recruiting when Voldie is neither sane nor winning WILL be much harder than for the furst war.

No one want to follow a maniac that harms his own followers. He ain't charming no more. I blame one horcrux too many...and a few more. And the unicorn blood curse.)

Also kudos for averting the trainwreak that even JK Rowling regretted making: Harry/Ginny.

Little princess-wannabe Ginny marrying her prince on a white horse only to discover he's no prince, he has no horse, his poor upbring making him stingy with money, and his abuse and the war is guaranteed to leave him with heavy PTSD as the mildest of his problems... my money is on alchoholism and a messy divorce, if there was ANY realism in those last books.)

I also realize that "Starcraft" must be a game and not a movie... /facepalm


Mcgonnigal with a sense of humor (and not the dry english type) was really bizzare, as was Flitwicks "goblin" behavior... (I always assumed the bullying was dumbledore's need to give everyone second, and third, and fourth, and more, chances... and his blindness to bullying vs pranks...)

But other than a need to work on your characters, you write really well.

So this is overall a really good fanfic. _
Dark-Prince-of-Clowns chapter 10 . 9/1/2023
I really, REALLY hope Harry is brutal in avengung Luna. Seriously.

If only he had understood his own powers... *Sigh*

They are TEENAGERS in a SCHOOL where Harry is a CELEBRITY! *smacks Harry over the head*

All he had to do to make the bully girl's life a hell is to walk right up to them during the fear where everyone could see and hear him, then call them each by name and tell them what a lowlife bullies like that is.

(Gossip runs wild. And a celebrity just told people he hates bullies and named named. Can you say "outcast" Cho?)

End with a nice "I don't know what kind guy that would date a shitty excuse for a human like you, but I know -I- never would!"

(Efficiency ending any and all chases they hace with the boys. NO boy wants to date a girl their idol say is shait.

And those few whom might would fear the stigma of dating a known bully/evil person.)

If he wanted to be extra evil, he could say he would actually find it attractive in a girl if she made sure to treat said bullies the way they had treated Luna. Claiming it showed their devotion to justice or someshit.

(Ensuring that the bullies suddenly got seriously bullied and hurt by every girl who wanted to date "the boy who lived".

Sure, he might have to offer some of them a hogsmed date here and there, but it'd be worth it.)

People do the dumbest things JUST because a celebrety did it.

Teenagers are even worse than adults.

I'd say it's poetic justice.
Or "turbaround is fair play".

But sadly Harry doesn't understand his own social power. *Sigh*

So instead I hope he feeds them to his Swarm. _

(You wouldn't want that tainted mindset affecting your Hivemind. They're better off as food. Although I suppose making them the braindead lower slaves COULD work... or breeders. If you don't mind that kink. _)

I look forward to see what you choose.
Dark-Prince-of-Clowns chapter 7 . 9/1/2023
I was under the impression that giving the goblins the right to monopoly to run the wizarding bank and watch over their money was a compromise made to end the wizard-goblin wars.

Harry is very right that no sane person would let their enemy watch their money... UNLESS it was the part of a war concession.

The goblins essentially holds the money hostage to ensure wizards do not attack them.

In return the goblins are not allowed to carry wands, or have... ANY rights outside their bank -which is treated as a foreign country in which the goblins rule supreme.

(Although I strongly suspect the goblins have a large portion of land that is seen as "their" country, hidden away from human society, but also guarded by wizards to ensure they don't try anything funny.)

It used to be that enemies ended a war by sending their daughters to marry the sons of the enemy -and so provide hostages to prove they wouldn't attack.

I've always assumed that was the reason behind this decision.

I am curious as to whether the author of your fuctional book is just biased and misleading, or if YOU believe wizarda do things just because they're idiots?

If people who acts like the wizards in the Potter books should be assumed idiots with no logic, then 90% of the real world should.

Because every last idiotic thing they do is 100% avrage human behavior. (If a tad bit caricature-ised. But it IS a school we see this behavior in. And schools DO go all out and over-the-top with things like this. So it's actually something that could, and likely have, happened in the real world.

Every last part of it. Minus magic.)

I WANT to say that Fudge is just a steriotype... but then I remember that americans ACTUALLY elected Bush for president... _

Word of advice: If you want to keep your faith in humankind, do NOT study psychology and human behaviour. Or politics.

Why give a hivemind creatures a name?
A hivemind is all other in the hive. If one was named ron and the other hermione it wold not matter because ron would BE hermione and vice versa.

A REAL Hivemind is NOT a telepathically connected collection of individuals... it's ONE mind with a whole lot of "limbs" that the collective mind controls.

You're writing really well, but some of your creative choices baffles me.
Dark-Prince-of-Clowns chapter 6 . 9/1/2023
Which game ia this a crossover with?

It reads like a game, so it HAS to be a game crossover.

(That... or really terrible writing. Which I somehow doubt as the rest of tour writing is pretty good.)

Fun Fact/Theory:
(Because I study far too much psychology)

Voldemort is a scared little child being hurt by bullies in an orphanage -desperatly seeking the power he needs to protect himself and make sure no one can ever hurt him again.

He listens to the repeated talks of the war and it's horrors on the radio, and every day he wonders if there will be enough food to survive on.

The 20s were NOT a good time to grow up as an orphan.

Note how I don't say he "was", I say he "IS".

His mind is still in that orphanage, with big bullies who understand no other language than violence. And adults who turn a blind eye because they're scared of him.

Perhaps they believed him to be posessed by demons and had one or more exorsisms -proven to be horrofying even to adults, never mind children.

If people tell you you are Evil long enough, you start to believe it.

Dumbledore's expectations that the scared little boy was born Evil and would become a Villain, did what all expectations placed upon children usually do; It became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Because humans in general, and especially children, will subconsciously live up to your expectations. Pretty much always.

I'm not saying Voldemort isn't an ass, he definitely is.
And he's insane too boot after mangling his soul too.

But I DO get how he ended up that way.

It's another of dumbledore's long list of mistakes, paired with unfortunate upbringing. And I think dumbledore knows that very well... but he tries to convince himself that an innocent child can somehow be BORN Evil. And thus releave himself if the guilt of failing said child.

(The notion that someone can be "born Evil" is ridiculous.

Even Psychopaths can live a law abiding life and help others. Assuming it benefits them of course. But they can, and often do.

Not that anyone is going to make a Netflix show about the avrage C.E.O. that gets his thrills from risks on the stock marked, or the sociopath doctor that only realised he was a sociopath because he used himself as a control group when studying the brain of sociopaths only to realize he was just like them.

But they exist. And I'll stop ranting. Sorry. Lol)

I like this story a lot tho. Game-stats aside. It's really intresting, and I always wonder what will happen next.

Which is a good thing in a story.
Dark-Prince-of-Clowns chapter 5 . 8/31/2023
I can't see any moral issues with adding the whole school to his swarm, to be fair. At least 99% of it.

I mean... they alread ACT as if someone else is thinking for them. Why not lwt Harry be the one to do their thinking for once? _

Sheep is sheep, and it doesn't matter to a sheep which sheppard they follow.

SERIOUS Kudo for actually stivking to the Potter Lore about how ALL magicals have the SAME amount of magical powers!

(It irritates me so much how many stories that gives Harry stupidly much power...right before they dig themselves into a Mary Sue grave and drag in gods and OC characters and make it a crackfic by accident because they didn't think about how to give him a challenge. Or the chance to grow and improve.

AND it's AU.

So serious Kudos for avoiding that.)

I also find it cute when people claim that Voldemort is somehow powerful. He isn't.

What he IS is a terrorist.

How many people know even what race the world's best fighter is? Not me. And I doubt you do.

But EVERYONE knows (roughly) about the terrorists who crashed into the World Trade Center ages ago.

Everyone knows Al Quaida. And Bin Laden. And most people I met knows what ISIS is... and they are treated not unlike wizards treat Voldemort. For the exact same reason.

Are they skilled fighters? Nope.

But they ARE good at talking people into wreak havock and mayhem and terrify people.

How many Wizards, each with a wand -a weapon- was at the world cup?

HUNDREDS of wizards FLED from a mere FIVE guys in a mask. FIVE!

(Could have been ten, but my point remains unchanged.

A 100 kindergarden kids could easilly have overpowered five adults if they all had a knife and the bravery to fight. I guarantee it.)

The terror of Voldemort was that there was no way to tell WHO followed him. (ONLY the inner circle wore his mark during the first war. It was only in the second war that he grew paranoid enough to mark everyone. Personally I think his mind finally snapped compleatly, tho he was already half-mad.)

But your Harry DO have a good point about his skill.

He may be a one-trick-pony in the books (does he EVER cast anything NOT an unforgivable?) but he certainly did study hard in school, and likely even after.


As the members of the hivemind IS eachother -see what the other see, smell what they smell, do what they do even while doing something else...

Do you think that is the REASON why the Overmind is always portrayed as sitting/lying still somewhere all the time?

All these different "bodyparts" of the hive doing different things but being parts of the whole...someone has to filter all that stuff and keep each individual drone focused on their work.

I originally chalked it up to the Hiveminds having a mind created to think on hindreds of different levels at the same time (the same way some insects can filter the vision from twenty eyeballs, while humans struggle enough with just cordinating two)... but maybe it's the Overmind that does that for them?

But in return, the Overmind can't focus on DOING anything with it's body. Because it controlls hundreds, or thousands of drones at the same time.

What do you think?

Oh, and I hope Luna joins the swarm.

I may hate the thought of loosing myself to ANYTHING (which is why the budist Nirvana scares the crap out of me)... but I think that to Luna, becoming a part of something greater than herself and never being alone again, would be her paradise.

Oh, btw! Did you see the Rick and Morty episode where Rick was dating a Hivemind? _

The hillarity and jokes aside, that was a really good portrayal of a hivemind. Seeing as you seem to like such things too. _

Fun fact:

Dumbledore and Grindewald agreed 100% on everything... until the fight broke out and one of them (no one knows which one) killed dumbedore's sister.

Afterwards they split paths, dumbles were overwhelmed with grief, regret and guilt, and it has rules his life ever since.

What people usually DON'T realize, is that dumbledore's views on muggles have NOT changed. At all.

He just realized that maybe violence and forceful enslavement so they could rule over the poor, stupid muggles like benevolent overlords so they stopped hurting themselves (which WAS their origional plan) might not be the best way to go.

He decided that subtle manipulation would be better.

If you look closely, you see that he treats muggles very condescending.

Not bad, but more like an animal activist would treat an animal.

"Poor thing can't defend itself, so it's up to us, as the superior species, to peotect it. And make decisions for it. To help it."

(Did he even ask Petunia what SHE wanted? No.
Did he EVER inform Hermione's parents about the troll or the petrification? Also no.)

Every time I see him near a muggle, he acts as if they are children or animaks that can't think for themselves, so he has to make decisions for them.

He may act a bit...condescending, of sorts... towards most other wizards, in a "I know better than you cuz I'm older than you", but he still listen to them and treat them as human beings.

He does not do the same with muggles.

It's something to think about.

I'm curious... why something like a map?

Close your eyes. Now try to think of your fingers.
You KNOW where they are instantly, right?
But does it seem like a map to you?
I don't even see an image when I try.

Try thinking of a place you know well.
You KNOW where it is. You can even hazily visualize it, if you try. You even know WHERE it is... but you see no map.

Would it not be the same for a hive? A feeling, not an image. Just that sensation that you just KNOW.

What made you choose a map?

Luna IS very hard to write, but I think you're doing a good job at it.

(I actually fear when my Harold the Magnificent fanfic reaches the Tzench part during Harry's second year...

I NEED Luna. But writing het will be a...challenge.
Actually, writing ANYONE of Tzchench Disciples will be a challenge. I need more study, but I'm pretty sure they're ALL barking mad.

The Slaaneshi is far easier to write. As is the other two chaos gods' devotees.

But Luna & co? Very outch.)

I really like the story thus far.

And I look forward to see what happens after Harry FULLY assimilates the Swarm into himself.

As Hermione pointed out, you don't space out when you use the subconcious mind to move your limbs.

If you did, running and fighting would be incredibly slow and boring to watch. xD
Dark-Prince-of-Clowns chapter 4 . 8/31/2023
Sma fun fact from PotterWiki:

Wandless magic is the norm in africa.

MOST of the world uses other Foci, while wands being a mainly European and American thing. (Although it does not explain what exactly the other Foci I. I coukd guess, but it's not actually specified in the Potter Lore.)

Wandless magic is actually not hard to do at all...unless you're used to rely on a Foci, like the wand. And it's no more draining either. (It's a l9t like controlled accidental magic. Like Tom did in the orphanage.)

The main difference is that the wand grants a finer control over the magic, and allows you to..well ..control it better.

It's like the difference between a sledge-hammer and a surgeons (super-powerful) scalpel;

One can break open a wall just fine, while the other would cut out the door... both preforming fine there.

But try to use a sledgehammer to stir a cup of tea, or preform delicate surgeries, and you'll see WHY wands (and other foci) were invented.

I suspect an attempt to levitate a feather would either set it on fire and shoot it into space unless you had serious training, when using wandless magic.

Potterwiki has more details, if you're curious.

It's your choice if you want to use it or not, but I thought you should know.

Also, some constructive criticism;

Your characters all sound the same.
(With mione and ron being marginally more themselves.)

This is fine, even good, for the swarm... but not for Flitwick or other professors.

(I have the same peoblem myself, I know, so I won't nag too hard on that. I know it's not easy.)

I recomend looking up "Top Quotes of..." character, and study the different way they use words, react to things, and their word choice. It'll improve your writing a LOT.

Imagine Hermione saying: "BLIMEY! Ain't that a bloody big spider!"

Or Ron going: "If you -must- know, Harry, I find dumbledore to be positively quixotic. The headmaster is ever-so-great of course, but he is rather elderly, and I fear his mind may not be all there."

Or Snape going: "Harry, my boy... I am so ever so sorry."

You get the point.

People talk differently. And you proboably realize just which person who SHOULD have said those things, simply based on how they said it.

That aside, your story is really quite good.
Dark-Prince-of-Clowns chapter 3 . 8/31/2023
I stand corrected. Perhaps you DO understand how a hivemind works. Oo

...which I realize sounds worse than I meant it. I have been told I sound harsh and condescending at times, so I apologise for that.

But I meant I reserve my judgement for how well you understand it until I have read more.

Thus far you are without a doubt the best writer of a Hivemind fanfic I have read.

I really hope you write more.
And I look forward to see Harry intergrating his friends.

Behavior, speach-pattern and personally all comes from the mind and knowledge -if the latter is shared, so is the former, resulting in the eerie twin behavior some horror movies use.

The result is bound to be... intresting. _

Not to mention enlightening.

There will be no Ron and Hermione, only Swarm that once was BOTH Ron and Hermione -no conflict, because they both lived and felt it, because the whole swarm thinks and remembers as one...

Very cunning. _

(And liable to freak Harry out as his friends vanish, to be replaced with drones -yet also exist as one.

Will Ron answer as Hermione and vice versa? It is not an impossible scenario.

If Harry had one arm attached from one person, a second one attached from someone else... they'd both be "harry", and not whom they once were.)

I really like the Hivemind concept -for all that it is my worst nightmare.

But horror stories are beloved for a reason. Lol

I look forward to see what you choose to do with it. _
Dark-Prince-of-Clowns chapter 2 . 8/31/2023
I am always disappointed when I read Hicemind fanfics... no one ever seem to get the concept of ALL minds being ONE mind, thinking as if it was one person.

Like an arm or a leg are different limbs, yet a part of the same person.

But I WILL give you kudos for making him the...queen, so to speak.

At least the 'queen' of a hive is independent. Making his independent thoughs somewhat logical.

(And while not a failing, per se, I am a bit sad no one ever plays with the creepyness of the concept.

Imagine... when joining the Hive you stop being a "I" and become a "We", with no concept of dissagreement between the various members, because the thought of one is the thought of all.

It's like Luna times creepy. Lol

But on the other side, you'll never be lonly again. You won't even understand the concept beyond a memory long gone that you ALL share.

Ah, well.)

I think I will read more of this story and see how it goes.

So far it's better than any other similar stories I've read.
Slowest Turtle chapter 3 . 6/19/2023
Your fight scenes are painful to read
Slowest Turtle chapter 2 . 6/19/2023
Damn so this Harry is one of those that's literally so stupid they'd be dead without plot armor by chapter 2. I was hoping some zerg tendencies would make him not so... him. C'est la vie.
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