|Reviews for Saints Row Fourever|
| princess Kinzie chapter 19 . 12/25/2014
hi loved the chapter . plz update
| daniel.factor.5 chapter 18 . 12/3/2014
Check out Kinzie and Johnny singing in Gat out of Hell..
| daniel.factor.5 chapter 19 . 12/1/2014
This story totally disregards the events of Saints Row IV. Are you aware there is a new game coming called Gat Of Hell where you can play as Johnny Gat and Kinzie Kensington?
| Guest chapter 19 . 11/28/2014
Honestly can not wait for the next update
| somepony chapter 19 . 11/26/2014
hi love the story sooo plz plz update D
| Deckenpuppel chapter 2 . 10/29/2014
So is for part 2 of chapter 1, coming with a slight delay. Sorry for that. The site will not allow me to make 2 reviews for one page, so I am posting this under chapter 2. If we continue like this, I will at one point have to make a review for two chapters to get back on track. But we'll deal with that when we get there.
1. I am a little at odds with the very first line. On the one hand, it makes the reader of course wonder what kind of situation Johnny finds himself in, which is good, but at the same time I find it a little confusing, and cannot help but wonder whether the chapter would actually loose anything by leaving that one out. It is confusing for me because Johnny mentioning Aisha and Shaundi like they are the same messes with me in all kinds of ways, making me wonder where we actually are in the timeline, whether Shaundi is dead like Aisha (which would make sense language-wise, but conflict a little with your description saying that the story takes place after Shaundi was saved), whether Johnny loves her like he did Aisha but might still be alive (in which case the sentence would not make that much sense, as Johnny wouldn't be reunited with her upon his death). I am also not sure if I really buy for Johnny to think that way. Naturally, this is just a matter of personal interpretation, but I would imagine Johnny to be fully committed to the present in such a situation, thinking about ways to escape and hurt the motherfuckers that are doing this to him rather than just wanting it to end. The choice of words was maybe a little unfortunate as well, as you have Johnny asking for a break only to say two sentences later that the wouldn't break. I admit that it is not the same thing, but I kind of perceived it as a slight contradiction.
2. A very small thing, but can you actually scream when petrol is poured over a handkerchief on your face? I am probably nit-picking here, but I personally would have gone with words like coughed, squirmed or maybe gagged.
3. Another small thing is when you have your narrator call Johnny's captors "ferocious fools". Not only is the combination rather odd (at least it was for me), but it also destroyed the illusion of danger that Johnny was in. The reader trusts in what the narrator is telling them, and if he is calling the captors fools that can only have one reason, and that is because he knows what is going to happen, and that Johnny is going to break free. Otherwise there would be nothing foolish about them, at least not that the reader could know of in that moment. Of course every reader knowing Johnny will expect something like this to happen, but that is beside the point. We want to be able to pretend like we didn't.
4. When Johnny hits his captors with his "moulded paws", this kind of imagery did not work for me at all. You just mean his fists, right? Because I was actually startled, thinking whether I had missed anything and wondering whether they had done anything to his hands. That kind of broke the momentum of the narrative for me. Probably not something that will happen to all of your readers, but I thought I point it out nonetheless.
5. I think you might have mixed up the location at one point. At the beginning it is the "floor of a garage", but later on Johnny searches the "room of the basement". Maybe I missed something. Always a possibility.
6. [a tucked long sleve eye-catching red shirt]
I know the feeling of wanting to bring your mental image of a character to life for your readers. But frankly, this is a bit much for one piece of clothing.
7. [After Aisha, he knew how wrong it was to shatter a family]
Again, I am not really buying this from Johnny. He is not exactly the guy thinking about these kinds of consequences, nor being able to relate to people in that way. We are talking about a guy who pretty much kills for fun and entertainment. Sure, he might have qualms about letting the boy and his mother day, because that is happening right there in front of him, but if Johnny really had such qualms about ripping families apart in general, he would not be leaving corpses in his wake the way that he does.
8. ["for that 'ass tasting energy drink'..."]
I don't know very much about Winslow at this point, but with his classy attire and all, would he really be one to know how Saint's flow would taste? Is it really him speaking here, or is it you wanting to insert a little fun-fact from the game? If it is the later, you should drop it. I just read today that it is a sin to force your own words into your characters mouth.
9. ["You really expect me to believe that boy is the son of one of my closest friends? The friend who I've known for years, and know damn well enough he'd never want to have kids in the first place? You really think I'm just going to believe you and help you right off the bat, just like that?"]
10. Why is Johnny trying so hard to convince Winslow that he does not believe him? And why is he sharing information like Pierce being one of his closest friends and how well he knows him? I would have expected Johnny to be more blunt. He was never really one to justify his actions with long explanations, now was he?
"You really expect me to believe that is Pierce's kid? Fuck off."
Maybe you still remember this from my review of Skyfall, but I personally am not a big fan of using sound descriptions like this. It is clearly an imitation of movies that use sound as an dramatic effect, but for me it simply does not work to the same degree in written fiction. Again: probably just a matter of personal taste.
12. [Johnny could only stand and stare at this demon in fear, for both his life, the boy’s, and the lives of thousands…]
Why do you leave this sentence incomplete? I would have understood it perfectly fine if it was Johnny talking, but you are breaking off in the middle of your narration. I kind of like it, because on a kind of meta-level this might indicate that Winslow is so fucking scary that even the omniscient narrator loses his train of thought, but I don’t really think that’s what you are going for here. The narrator is not there, he is not part of the story (in the sense of being a character) and therefore he should not be affected by the atmosphere of the situation, nor should the characters be able to interrupt him.
I also refuse to believe that Johnny would feel fear. He would be in combat mode, maybe seeing Winslow as a fellow predator to pit himself against, but generally just being seriously pissed off and keen on caving that guys head in. Sure, he does not want the child to die, but I’d imagine he is more pissed that because of the child he is not able to get to Winslow than he is really scared.
13. After all this criticism, I feel the need to apologize for parts of it. Not because anything of what I wrote isn’t true (it is just my opinion, after all), but because I am being deliberately hard on you. When you write about well-established characters, there is always the risk of your audience not sharing your portrayal of them, and more often than not they are so passionate about the topic that they miss the right tone. I hope that was not the case with me, but if it was allow me to stress that you are of course more than entitled to your own interpretation of Johnny, and that that does not mean by any means that you wrote a bad character or anything. I just did not happen to agree with it.
14. Overall, the second part of chapter one presented a nice contrast to the piece and quiet of the first part. Jumping right into the action worked very well, and had quite the “here comes the action hero of the movie” kind of feeling to it, which is nice. Winslow seems like a mean son of bitch, and you provide just enough information to make the reader wonder what his actual deal is. Any more would have definitely been to much at this point, so well done. Despite all my criticism, there is very little wrong with the chapter language wise. It is a solid piece of writing, and my personal highlight definitely was the Sr4 reference, a nice witty statement and declaration of love for the earlier games, without feeling out of place.
I am hoping we can continue this kind of exchanges. Should you at any point feel that I should leave out certain kind of remarks because they are of no use to you, or even discourage you, just let me know. This is exactly what I find to be the hardest about doing reviews, so any feedback on that would be highly appreciated. Of course, I would rather be a brilliant writer than a brilliant reviewer, but that does not mean I cannot work on both a little.
| Guest chapter 6 . 10/26/2014
Type your review for this chapter here...
| AzzyG367 chapter 19 . 10/25/2014
Just got around to reading this story in these last two days, but it's a really, really good one, and i've enjoyed reading it so far.
Love the new characters you've created for this story and the way you have the main members of the Saints act. Especially Pierce, Gat and Oleg.
Overall, this is another of the great stories to be found on this site and i look forward to seeing more :)
| squeaker guinea chapter 19 . 10/24/2014
Love the story cant wait for more
| Elvisfonz23 chapter 19 . 10/24/2014
Whoa I love the insight into this character and that I can't wait for the next one
| Sierrapeyton chapter 19 . 10/24/2014
"I know when you're sleeping…I know the things you're dreaming…I love when you're weeping…Even death can't stop this feeling. And I know you will never give up"
Okay, that line gave me chills, good chills, if there is such a thing. You did amazingly well with the first person narrative, you portrayed Lian's emotions so well that I could literally feel them. The entire dream sequence was well written, and you seemed completely comfortable in the narrative you were using, it really was remarkable! Well done.
Can't wait for more!
| Deckenpuppel chapter 1 . 10/23/2014
Since we already talked and I know you have read some of reviews, I am going to leave out my usual disclaimer. You know the drill.
The beginning is something I would not have expected so see in Sr fanfic. Harmony, peace and tranquillity, not exactly what comes to mind when you think about the Saints. That however also made it interesting and refreshing, but it is good that you keep it very short. I sense the impulse within me to ask "what do I care about these kids", and if the scene would have been longer, it might have discouraged me from reading on. So excellent pace and length, at least as far as I am concerned.
[They stared at the sunset on the other side of the hill, past the beautiful pearlescent ocean. Johnny always loved how beautiful the ocean was.]
First of all, the scenery is beautiful, and reminded me of many great movies. Spot on. Still, I have a couple of minor remarks when it comes to that passage. Firstly, the switch between scenery description and the inner thoughts of the character was a little bit too sudden for my taste, probably because at first it seems like your reader is supposed to focus on the children. Your narrator has up to this point revealed nothing about thoughts or inner processes about the character, and jumping right into direct thoughts seemed a little disconnected for me. I would have preferred something like:
[They stared at the sunset on the other side of the hill, past the beautiful pearlescent ocean. It was beautiful, thought the older man, but the sight also made him sad, reminding him of things long gone. Johnny always loved how beautiful the ocean was.]
Also, at this point I of course have no idea whether Johnny is still alive at this point of the story, but it all has the feeling of looking back to me, and as such - since you are writing in the past - it struck me as kind of odd that Kenny thought "always loved" instead of "had always loved". Don't know whether you chose that deliberately. I have the same thoughts about another line:
[How Kenny could never see the beauty in her or realise this feelings for her all those years ago baffled him.]
My instinct tells me it should rather been something like: [How Kenny had not seen how beautiful she was the day he met her all those years ago still baffled him.]
I would have added a little something here as well. You just introduce the name Kenny in Ashley's dialog, then describe Ashley and then jump right back into Kenny's thoughts. Again, this felt a teeny-tiny bit bumpy for me. A simple: [Kenny smiled at her lovingly. How he had not realized straight away how beautiful she was the day they had met still baffled him.]
Of course, I am being incredibly picky here, and these are just personal suggestions, no presumptions about definite improvements.
I liked the interaction between the characters very much. It really felt like quiet family time, soothing and full of heart; except for when they talk about the Saints. To me it feels a little bit as if you as the author is interfering with the natural speech of your characters in order to get all the information across that you want the reader to have. (I can be wrong, of course!) I just don't think a father would talk to his son like that. It is too formal and explicit. What reason could Kenny have to give his 12 year old stepson so detailed information? I imagine him rather saying something like:
["We've got a lot of people to thank for that; good people, like your uncle Troy and Tobias, and all the little Saints." He lapsed into Silence. Micah looked at him for moment. "Do you miss them," the boy asked. His father smiled. "Yes, my boy. I do." He hugged Micah towards him [...]]
Further down, I would just change a small detail, changing Micah from asking specifically about Kenny to him just wanting to hear the great story of "the boss". Even if Kenny did tell the story as his own, would Micah believe his father to be capable of all those things, or would Micah think it was just a story Kenny made up to impress and entertain them?:
["Hey Dad," [...] "Can we hear the story again. You know, about the Boss? How he saved Stilwater and Steelport, and then prevented World War Three? Oh! And how he-" "Became a badass in the first place?" Micah looked a little embarrassed. "Well...yeah."]
Again, this is just a feeble attempt to show you what I mean. You know your characters and how they would sound like way better than me. But all those suggestions should chiefly show you one thing: You really grabbed me with that opening, otherwise I would not have set out to make it my own so quickly. So please, take each and every one of these suggestions as the compliment that it is.
I will try to have a look at the second part of Chapter 1 tomorrow. Good work so far!
| MisterMagic25 chapter 18 . 10/19/2014
Finally got around to reading this and I must say you have greatly improved from before hand... Flow is good conversations are great and actions scenes are also on point...
Can't wait for more
| Elvisfonz23 chapter 18 . 10/18/2014
Amazing flawless and I wonder if the boss will get through with the plan and tell viola :) I can't wait for more
| SaintsRow4Ever chapter 18 . 10/18/2014
EVERYTHING WAS AMAZING!
Pierce stepping up big time, Viola and Zimos being incorporated into the story again, and the Blss's plan! There was a lot lf funny moments, and it really love how Kinzke is much sweeter - She's developing a lot like Pierce, you're doing amazing. To be honest - I'm glad the ShaundiXBoss thing didn't happen, phew. Close call. :D Great start, even better end!
Matt Miller's back and I'm intruiged already for the next chapter! Johnny is also amazing in this and the dialogue in this I must say is fantastic - I also LOVE LOVE LOVE Pierce's thoughts the way his mind plays on him. I love his reactions and I'm beginning to like him as a character much, much more.
Han is a very good villain - I hate the way he treated Lian, at least he's dead now, and supposedly Razor killed him? I'd love to see that confirmed, and to have Razor develop into someone more loyal and trustworthy, that'd be freaking GREAT!
So everything's perfect, it's all coming together! I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER! WOOH! JDNDNFFNNFFN! CANT WAIT!