|Reviews for Pentagrams and Pomegranates|
| Neeniih chapter 1 . 4/17
Yeap, gonna read it all again. When is the next chap coming out?
| Neeniih chapter 22 . 4/14
Hey, I just finished reading and I needed to comment here so... Well, I made an account so I could comment how f*king awesome this fanfiction is. I'm not sure where everything is going from here since Damien can no longer act (now that they consumated their marriage) and Amoretta has no idea who she really is (maybe her father does?) and who else knows she isn't really human... Well, the questions go on and on and I really hope you continue posting until we find out the answer for those. Since I started reading I just sat in front of the computer and couldn't really get away from it without finishing reading your work. At first I was a little disapointed at how soft hearted she is (differently from my heroine, haha) but she fits Grabiner just fine.
You're doing a great job and I'm lookinf forward for the next chap so keep doing your best!
| Astra-The-Goddess chapter 1 . 4/3
To the guest that answered me:
I get that, the game is silly and stupid and we all love it for it and the plot twist works in the realm of the world.
However, it does not work in a storytelling sense.
**Spoiler Alert for those who are reading the reviews before hand***
How is she related to a group of angels that doesn't reproduce? If she is, I can see why Damien would want her soul (an angel soul corrupted and torn away from her by a demon? Insanely powerful soul and worth a lot) but even in a game where the Main Character's First Generated name is Mary Sue, you can create the character to be whatever you want.
Amoretta grew into a very fleshed out character, without seeming like a Mary Sue at all. Her choices made sense and her personality was solid. She had her flaws, and they were that she trusted too strongly and she was loyal to those who she trusted, which are valid character flaws.
As I said, I love the game and love the first story. I thought that given what this game has to offer, you could make a very fleshed out character. A Mary Sue is only "perfect" because she has no flaws, but you can turn those "perfect" strengths into flaws and that's what this author did.
The story is well written, it's well thought out, it's well organized, and I loved it. The fact that the first story didn't try to shove anything out of the question down your throat was actually refreshing. Granted sometimes her intelligence was a bit weird, but given the context and how it was explained (the circles) it made sense after she explained how she learned it.
If the author of this story put "This story is about a Mary Sue" anywhere in her author's notes, I didn't see it. Most of the time when you're writing a story with a Mary Sue character, you write it somewhere in an author's note. Yes this game does poke fun at itself by calling the character a Mary Sue at the beginning of the character creation screen, but the game makes sure that she isn't 100% perfect. You can literally screw up and expel yourself before the school year even starts.
Yes, the explanation may make sense in-game and in the context of the world, but the way it was written and how the author went about telling the readers was poorly done. There were hints to her magical abilities beforehand, but to say that they're due to her being part angel? And part angel of a species that cannot reproduce? It's very far fetched, even for a Mary Sue game.
A Mary Sue plot does not excuse poor writing. We've seen novels with Mary Sue characters be super successful (Twilight and The Host) and this story was very successful until she threw in that plot device.
She can keep it and ignore my advice or she can read it and learn from it because as a writer that's what you're supposed to do.
Also, if this is the author, I'm not attacking you, as I do love the story. And I am brave enough to post this on my account because I really do love this story. I freaked out over the plot device and got super angry over it, but I still subscribed and added the story to my favorites because I DO like it.
The world may make the plot device make sense, but there's a right way and a wrong way to throw that twist into it. A twist that large two chapters into a sequel is not a smart way to go about it, especially since I was still reeling from the stress of the first story. Four or five chapters maybe.
When you create a character who seems very fleshed out and interesting, a plot twist like that surprises a lot of people. I might not have gone into this story thinking that she was a Mary Sue, and that can be a good thing. Most readers see "Mary Sue" and run in the opposite direction.
If you think my review is unpleasant, then you can delete them. Simple as that. I think that's a feature for . If you really don't like me, you can block me.
Personally, I don't care if you do or don't block me. I just have three more things to say.
1) If you're hiding behind an anon, please send me a PM so we can discuss this as civilized human beings.
2) A PM reply to this review to explain that yes this was your intention and that you wouldn't change things would have shut me up quickly.
3) Your twitter talking about an "unpleasant" review made me question if you were the guest or not.
Have a nice day. Feel free to block me or not.
| Guest chapter 22 . 4/3
um, astra? The character is literally named Mary Sue in the game. On top of everything else that's just a silly argument to make in the Magical Diary setting, because even if she actually were a ridiculous Mary Sue it would still be perfectly fitting.
| Astra-The-Goddess chapter 22 . 4/3
Okay, I was loving this story until the angel angle. That was done poorly, and her character has now crossed from "Plausible" to "Mary Sue Stop Now!"
I loved the fact that she was passive, that she was this innocent wildseed who was charismatic and who commanded respect from people only by loving them. She was a very good foil for Grabiner. But the angel angle doesn't make sense! It does in some contexts but the angle made her a flat character. If she was just innocent and normal and she had this view of the world because of her upbringing, that's fine! That's a brilliant character! You can write her like this and have her world views change because of her new marriage and status and she can twist those rules to suit her just as she did in school. She can be this very empathetic person and maybe her green magic is just so strong in her that she just has it seeping from her pores, like people can't help but want to keep her safe because she exudes this innocence . That's fine! That can be a brilliant character, especially when paired with Grabiner.
The angel angle just destroyed her character like an atom bomb. If this was your plan from the beginning I want to know why. Damien could just be attracted to innocent souls and Amoretta's soul was the purest at the school for other reasons, not because she was an angel! Or part angel!
I'm not trying to yell at you, I want to help you. The first story was brilliant and it was well paced and her choices made sense. Now that the angel angle is thrown it, it ruins the dynamic between them. The fact that she's part angel (and part angel from a VERY strong group) is terrible character development. And please don't say I don't know what I'm talking about because I am in school for book publishing and I have been writing since 2009 and researching since then on good character development.
I love this story, I do, but the angel angle isn't working (unless you've got a really good reason other than "it's so Damien is attracted to her like a moth to a flame"). I think you've written yourself into a corner, and I really hope that you take my advice to heart and rethink this development. I truly do love the story and want it to succeed.
And for those who want to attack me and white knight me saying I don't know what I'm talking about and I'm attacking someone because I hate this character, I don't. I love this character, but I loved her because there are some people in this world who are just that good, and her being part angel has ruined this development. You don't have to be part angel to be passive, intelligent, and not want to kill or hurt anyone. She was fine, the angel angle just killed her character. I will follow this story because I want to see how this develops, because I do love this story. I just think that the author made a bad choice, and they can choose to ignore or take my advice. They don't have to listen to me.
I do love this story, I do. I stayed up all night reading it. Please just reconsider the angel angle, because she's gone from good character development to bad.
| Lifechild chapter 22 . 3/30
Just found this and have consumed it avidly. Keep up the good work. Can't wait to read more about what she is.
| Zepper chapter 16 . 3/15
My God this is fantastic.
I always feel a bit of self-satisfaction when I understand a reference, and always feel a bit embarrassed and peeved with myself when I don't :P You use vocabulary wonderfully (I often have to look up the words you use!), and you have an amazing eye (or perhaps heart) for the perfect word to complement a given situation. The way you were able to gradually develop Amoretta and Hieronymous' relationship to the point where it wasn't simply platonically deep, but romantically as well, impresses me to no end. This change felt so natural and inevitable; you wrote it masterfully. You are absolutely, without a doubt, an amazing writer, and I am so very thankful you shared this story with us!
| Moira chapter 1 . 1/21
I just wanted to let you know that your fanfiction is definitely the best read I've had in quite some time! I just absolutely LOVE it! I didn't just read it, I devoured it! I refused reading fanfictions for a long time, because I thought very little of them, to be honest, but you changed my opinion on fanfictions (which was mainly based on prejudice) COMPLETELY! Im SOOOO looking forward to the next chapter! You're a genius! :) keep up the good work and do not dare to abandon this wonderful story! ;)
| Guest chapter 10 . 9/28/2013
"... any worries she might have of the dubious character of her father-in-law..."
Is he going to turn up for a visit any time soon?
| gery900 chapter 6 . 8/27/2013
Oh I am so glad we have finally established that Damien is a soul stealer. This would have been so wrong if you had not acknowledged it.
| Tootie chapter 8 . 8/22/2013
oh my god grabiner as Richard III or Macbeth
Gabi-hime, you are a flower blooming in my soul
| Niveas chapter 20 . 8/15/2013
That last chapter was soooo sweet, so excited to see what will happen next.
| Niveas chapter 19 . 7/27/2013
I normally dont get into other peoples characters from games, but I must say I am very taken by your Amoretta. She fits in really well and your writing is amazing, I look forward to more of the story! :)
| Guest chapter 19 . 7/17/2013
"wonderful, forbidden candylands"
love this line. :)
I was also wondering if Diana Tregarde was going to make a cameo once Bell, Book, and Candle appeared... although it's not exactly the same store, just the same joke!
| A.Stephenson chapter 18 . 6/20/2013
I almost died during this chapter. It was cute and hilarious! I cant wait for part II!