|Reviews for Checkmate|
| ETNRL4L chapter 85 . 8/13/2014
11K words? I want to kill you in your sleep. This is not a chapter. It's a bloody miniseries. You're getting another twitted review, because I want to enjoy my reading, jerk.
Annie-kitten sounds like a stripper handle. LOL!
Okay. Annie's acceptance of the fact that Finn is a whore is way too nonchalant, man. There is zero emotional response in that entire scene. He might as well have admitted he went to the Capitol to watch tv. She's more reactive to a bloody blender than to the knowledge that her friend is a sex slave.
A child bumping into him? Who sends their child to pay their prostitute?!
Delivered by owl. Why am I laughing so hard?
Ugh! Figure this one out on your own, man. LOL!
What is it with careers and beating emotions out on the training mats?
Was the fat chick high?
Eeeew! The thought of Cecilia and Plutarch! My eyes!
Dude, you have them eating dinosaurs? Do you have any idea how thick the hide on a rhinoceros is? Multiply that by three. That's how thick paleontologists believe dinosaur hides were. How? How are they tearing through to eat them? LOL!
And Jo's eating a centipede her size. I just threw up a little in my mouth.
Okay. This is a nightmare.
Wow. Jo's family needs to learn tact.
| Iacopo chapter 85 . 8/13/2014
I'm impressed at how you're foreshadowing why Capitolites cared so much about Peeta's and Katniss romance. It always seemed bizarre to me in the books, but if the Capitolites are getting tired of the Hunger Games, then it makes sense. It also makes the 74th one of a series of mistakes for Seneca Crane.
Mags doesn't lose her edge and I liked to see Finnick not get Annie too easily.
Mags' influence appears clearly from how people act when she's not there. Finnick's and Mags' conversation after Annie's Tour was full of insight.
Johanna is fun. I found her in character and liked the idea of a prehistory arena a lot.
| Lollipop chapter 85 . 8/13/2014
Loooool! I had totally forgotten I had reviewed that first time.
Your Annie is cool, you didn't forget she was traumatized and a bit odd, but she still has a personality. She and Finnick are really good together.
And Mags is keeping her edge. I'm a fan of how she sneaked to the Capitol for Jo's Games.
I was shocked by Cashmere's attitude at first, but then I decided it worked really well, better than too nice Careers.
And Johanna, she's brilliant, loved how the beginning of the friendship played out and how Finn felt he had to include her. I hope Mags doesn't get too upset.
| Vyrazhi chapter 85 . 8/13/2014
Since this chapter is about Johanna, I looked up the song on YouTube called "Johanna" from Sweeney Todd as some mood music. It was too haunting, though, so I switched to "Church of the Poison Mind" from Culture Club - a near-perfect description of the Capitol. The Hunger Games are almost a religious ritual anyway, so I thought it was fitting.
Also, when I saw "Pretty Dresses", the first thing I thought of was the song "Pretty Women" from Sweeney Todd. LOL! :P
"He couldn't stand what he'd done, how he [had] [hidden] during Annie's games." "Hid" is the past tense of "hide"; what you need here is the past-perfect (pluparfait?) tense.
"Finnick watched that spoiled little princess walk around the house..." Is Finnick the one doing the judging here? I think so, instead of the omniscient third-person narrator. If I were you, I'd put the sentence in his first-person POV: "There goes that spoiled little princess..."
"Annie sees [your] pain...Sees you in pain."
"I was made to be evil for the greater good." Great line, but I've always had a hard time understanding this kind of doublespeak - even in real life. Witness the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.
"[The Capitol]...loved to be wanted even more." This is a magnificent satirical line, which reminds me of reality TV.
Your description of the eviscerated tribute reminds me why I never eat so-called 'variety meats'. At least I can forget that regular meat is muscle, because steaks don't look like muscles. Intestines, however, always look like intestines.
Johanna may be a witch, but that's better than a Capitolite.
You make romance palatable for me - I hate 99% of those stories. You're part of the 1% who's - [insert word here]
| Lollipop chapter 84 . 8/8/2014
Another short phone review. Your games are always really vivid. Having the victors visit Mags was sweet and awesome. Mags recouery struggle feels so real and i want to cheer at how she cheats to stay involved.
I havdm to ask, there are no rebel meetings away from the Capitol or Victory Tours?
| Gingerfluff chapter 84 . 8/8/2014
I m in love with all your characters and you ve ruined every Mags, Finnick and Annie in fanon for me. I can t wait to see how they get together for real.
| ETNRL4L chapter 84 . 8/4/2014
The "crept up on me" thing was played out very nicely here.
So, how is Plutarch getting Cecilia pregnant? Is this some insemination thing or good old fashion leg work? LOL!
All twelve-year-olds. Sick. Like these kids flew the hover craft into the tower.
Okay. No. I don't see Caesar ever doing this to tributes. He was described in canon as helpful- always trying to make tributes show their best face. This is OOC for him, man.
These interviews showed the very worst of human nature.
Oh, poor Barnacle. She didn't notice she ignited all the grenades in her grief. Yeah, sure. Anything goes. LOL! Wish you'd let them all die in the blast, though.
What's with the ears?
| Well of Wishes chapter 84 . 8/3/2014
I wonder if you're shameless in where you get your inspiration or if you're just honest enough to say it's from another fic when you do.
Cashmere and Gloss were funny. Woof and Cecelia were funnier.
So Annie's the one who gave Finn the idea to get paid in secrets. Ha. I wondered when that would come up.
I usually dislike romance, but you don't make it too easy (suddenly they look into each other's eyes and find someone who *understands*. Blargh.) so it's cool.
The Games and the whole Capitol scheme were so awesome. I'd totally have done that had I been evil and in charge. And something is wrong with me, but I feel more sorry for the Careers that are stuck with butchering than the little kids who are anyway dead.
I'm happy that Finnick didn't turn into super mentor. The difference between him and Mags when faced with the Games was great, the difference in experience really showed.
Aww, he and Annie are cute.
Ooh more Careers, I'll go check it out then.
| Rendered Thoughts chapter 84 . 8/3/2014
That was a shocking game; Capitol and Snow really took 'disgusting' and 'despicable' to a whole new level. I think Snow must prepare himself for a rebellion now, because there's no way no one would stay put after such atrocity (I bet there are even Capitolites disgusted by the whole scheme).
And poor Annie... in some ways I'm glad that she took part in the Games (though in a very grim way). In some other ways I wished she'd been given a better, fairer situation to play with. She could have been way more amazing, the person she was, without all the 12 year olds and the arena designed to kill. But if she came out whole then she would be sold, so... difficult choice. I don't know what is worse, losing your mind or slowly losing yourself and your dignity.
Mags makes me laugh by the way. It's so her to keep going even when talking is difficult... *pats Mags*
Looking forward to what you have next in store. (Johanna?)
| Rendered Thoughts chapter 83 . 8/3/2014
Yes, it's an emotionally tough chapter. The District 6 Victor, Cereus, then Mags having a stroke. A lot of things happened here. And Blight. And parcel day. Heck (was that some kind of foreshadowing for Johanna? ;)).
Finnick breaks my heart again. I guess it's just part of growing up and consequences of what he has been through, but I can feel his loss so immensely. I can't wait to see the role he will play in the rebellion between this year and the 75th.
And now, Annie's game. *Deep breath* *Prepares self for gory death scene*
| Iacopo chapter 84 . 8/2/2014
Fantastic. This story never gets boring. I found the mix of happiness and tragic in this chapter very beautiful to read.
Brutus is right: Mags won't let go until she's underground.
The Capitol reveals itself finally. It's terrifying. Really fantastic!
| GreenPokeGuy chapter 84 . 8/2/2014
Wow, this was amazing. Those Games, and the interview before it, were horrific. The Careers taken out that way, all the twelve year olds... Truly sickening for the Capitol to do it. And yet, you wrote it so well that I felt sorry for the tributes, and for Annie, and for Finnick. Well done!
I love that Mags still has slight control, though that has lessened with the stroke. At least she seems to be stable and able to communicate in other ways than speech.
Really good! :)
| Vyrazhi chapter 84 . 8/1/2014
In this chapter, I loved the awesome things everyone did for Mags to wish her a speedy recovery. My favorite part, though, was the drowning. So much for "may the odds be ever in your favor". I hate Snow and the Gamemakers at least ten times more than I did before. There's a line in Arthur Miller's play "The Crucible" where protagonist John Proctor says to his wife: "Oh, Elizabeth, your justice would freeze beer."
Justice like this would freeze boiling water almost instantly. *shudder*
| NathanHale2 chapter 8 . 8/1/2014
How else can predict the journey into the Heart of Darkness hands up! Late yes I know still limping towards the finishing line slowly but steadily.
Grammar, orthography, punctuation yadayadayada is as usual, really well done and flawless, haven't caught up on mistake, but my english is not top notch so anyway.
Describtion: Describition of each chapter thus far was wonderufully done, respect and props to you. I can vividly imagine and picture each scene of each chapter that you have written in my head and let them play like a movie.
The World: Your world building is awesome. It feels like a living breathing world (well shitty world where childern are forced into brutal, gladiator like games for entertaiment of the rich and the submission of the districts and those who oppose these cruel, vile happenings tend to die pretty horribly) and the reader (I don'T about the others) feel like I am by Mags side like a loyal watcher yet forced to watch helplessly as she stumbles into from terrible situation to another.
characters: the characters you have created feel like living breathing assholes. (that's compliment hang in there). They feel and read like real people forced into a harsh, gritty, unforgiving world were your slightest mistakes means a cruel death for you and the ones you hold dear. so they are understandably assholes. But even if they are assholes you have managed to make me actually care for them and fear for their lives. (well Mags life mainly the others are regretable but expandable.).
What I didn't like: ... Not much to say here (damn it) wait wait wait wait... The chapter was too short HA! There!
| Lollipop chapter 84 . 7/31/2014
Woo hoo! Annie is so cute, but she's strong too, I can't explain it. I love her wild streak, even if that's what got her in the Games in the first place. It's so cute to see her and Finnick growing closer.
Those games were super scary, I could feel the capitol's glee at being able not to pretend anymore and just beat the districts up to avenge their dead.
Great way of having Mags involved without bringing her to the Capitol