|Reviews for Checkmate|
| Paul chapter 99 . 6/27/2015
Just remembered 2 other checkmate/showdown disrecpencies
1) zephyr being assassinated after mercury games when snow had already came into power before that-although maybe that got explained and I just missed it-
2) checkmate saying Brutus, Lyme, bahamut and Lyall were the only mentors to come to the capitol for the 75th games while showdown saying all district able to sent mentors. In addition district 7 has a mentor named pan who isn't in checkmate and apparently Pia didn't go into the 75th hunger games in showdown.
P.S. I hope this review didn't come of as annoying. It's just that when I notice a discrepancy in something I like to point it out, especially when I can't think of an explanation for it. Discrepancies or not, checkmate and showdown are both impressive works that rate among the top hunger games fanfics of all time. You have the gift to make even the most minor character seem interesting, a gift sadly lacking in many famous non-fanfiction authors. Good luck, I hope both of us will be happy with how checkmate turns out.
| Anla'shok chapter 99 . 6/27/2015
Checkmate and Showdown intersect, but they're not the same universe (even if they're close). Don't consider them as such.
I'll be updating in a week or two. I've been unfortunately too busy to write much lately, and these aren't chapters I can rush.
Your suggestions have been taken into consideration, quite a few are things I had already being planning on including. I hope you'll like the end result.
I takes less than 30 minutes to create an account (less than 10 if you have an email). It requires only very basic computer know how (and none if you have your own email address. Fanfiction doesn't send spam mails or anything). If you want answers to your questions (and I'd be delighted to chat with you on Checkmate), you must create one. I feel a bit frustrated at reading your detailed reviews and questions and having no efficient way to contact you.
| Paul chapter 99 . 6/27/2015
Just a quick little review posted after once again reading stuff I'd missed. Liked whittles camera smashing rampage, came off as very believable. Amadeus either spoons downfall was very entertaining, although I wish you'd done a better job explaining exactly who was behind it. Reading how Cecilia asked Brutus to kill her to she wouldn't descend to what she'd done in her games was very dramatic and sad, helped humanize Brutus a little too.
Feel slightly confused about how you say Mercury and Aster got caught because of Alyx when in showdown it was because of Lyra. That and the differences between mercury and enobarias last talk, as well as mercury mentioning a district 2 victor named barnabas in showdown-who isn't in checkmate-and showdown implying the capitol killed the district 1 victors while checkmate saying it was the rebels makes me think checkmate is in an alternate universe from showdown, although I'm perfectly fine with that and those seem to be the only differences, so if I'm right the two universes are mostly the same,
It's been a while since you updated Checkmate, hope you're ok. Dying with anticipation but understand how you probably want to make sure chapter 100 and the end of the war are handled as well as possible. Am confident you can wrap up checkmate in a powerful way and if you can then the wait is worth it.
Am thinking about creating an account but I've been awful busy lately and never was that tech savvy.
| ETNRL4L chapter 99 . 6/23/2015
This fic has turned out longer than the last 5 book series I read.
You have the sociopath running about trying to save people. Okay.
You have the most convoluted ways of redacting what you want to say. History needed preserving. How does it take a 2500 word scene to establish that? LOL!
Ugh, this scene with Caesar and his wife is so disturbing!
Awww, the Odesta feels.
I don't think that many people caught the reference to Ray Bradbury's work in the books. There's also a reference to Madeleine L'Engles's A Wrinkle in Time with the tesserae. Great YA dystopian books.
| Paul chapter 99 . 6/22/2015
I had some more free time today and re-read a few more chapters and found stuff I'd missed the first time. I liked the dynamic between Tang and Nautia and wish you'd kept them around longer, although given Tang's attitude I can understand his early demise. Was sad to hear nori died, but feel she did get a good death, even if it was offscreen. Thought it was very well writen, as well as interesting and original, about how you had Johanna's mother have been reaped right after she was born. Helps explain a lot about johanna, in my opinion.
I agree with my fellow reviewer vyrazhi about what you should do with Coin.
I am surprised no one else made a request for the epilogue and hope you take mine into account.
I also hope that DeCharon shows up again, as it would be nice to have someone who really knew cinna survive the war to talk about him to katniss, even if only in an offscreen conversation-by the way, thought if was a nice new twist to have cinna have worked in a funeral home before becoming a stylist.
| Paul chapter 99 . 6/21/2015
I just noticed you asking for thoughts on the epilogue and am more than willing to oblige you there. I would appreciate a few sentences showing how each district is recovering in a post capitol world. If caeser survives, which I practically pray doesn't happen, then it would be nice seeing him feel broken and confused on a post-games world. It would also be nice seeing a memorial of sorts for some of those killed during and/or before the rebellion. A scene of annie raising her child would be nice. Seeing plutarch raising his children and paylor being a good president would also be nice. Last but not least, maybe let Beetee, haymitch and johanna find peace now that snow is dead and the hunger games are gone.
P.S. Can't wait for chapter 100. Hope Lyme, wolfe and bahamut make it out alive. Am also curious to see what happens to Chelsea, Moire, Bale, Victoria, Keith and taurine, who-unless I am mistaken-have not been confirmed as dead yet. If you haven't already decided their fates but do plan on bringing then up, then I would just like to say that I like Moire and Chelsea and hope they make it. Hate Bale and hope he died before the quell was even over, and am relatively ambivalent about The other free. I still maintain that it wouldn't be a serious breach of cannon to have more victors than the seven who vote on the capitol games survive the war. If Lyme, wolfe and bahamut are alive then they are cut off and I think it was implied they could be deliberately hiding. Moire, Keith, bale and chelsea could also potentially be alive and in hiding-especially chelsea, given Mags' contacts, and Moire, who finnick seemed to think had a chance in chapter 95-while Victoria and taurine would probably have been prevented from voting by coin even if they did survive the war due to their dementia. Whether you listen to me or not, it's been an honor reading checkmate, I wish you good luck as it draws to a close, and I thank you for bothering to read all these reviews.
| paul chapter 99 . 6/14/2015
Good Chapter. I liked Cesar's scenes, although if he really does pull a karma Houdini then I might go crazy. Liked the extended version of Merucry and Enobaria's talk briefly seen in Showdown. Have you already accounted for the fates of Nori and Chelsea? If not, please do. I was sorry to hear of the deaths of everyone in the District 1 and District 2 career villages, as there could have been a way to keep them alive, but I understand that a good author or reader shouldn't let him or herself be completely conquered by sentiment, and it did go along with the story. Deep down I guess I know most to all of them had it coming, but I guess I had a soft spot for Phoenix and her snow angels and Magister and his Capitol marriage. Still, there deaths did come kind of suddenly and without much build-up, especially after the last chapter.
Like Finnick's scenes and feel really sad knowing he is doomed by cannon.
Like how you showed things from Wolfe's viewpoint for the first time. I guess we have known he was a sociopath for a while, but I was hoping he'd gotten better after his Games. Still, it does make an interesting viewpoint. Glad you didn't kill off him, Bahamut and Lyme, and hope you don't but understand if you do, as there survival would be difficult, although not impossible, to explain.
Like how you keep making Thirteen, or at least Coin, out to be more and more villainous.
Can't wait to see how you end your story, hope it has plenty of scenes from Mockingjay, although not too many, the ones invented solely for your fanfics are often better.
On top of that, I'd like to thank you for acknowledging me, as well as your kind words. I will consider making an account, but I guess I can be a little lazy when it comes to that stuff, feel a little paranoid about internet security after some of the things I heard at school assemblies, and feel just a little bit worried at the thought of receiving a prolonged email like that.
On one final note, have you ever considered sharing some of your Victor's with other fan fiction authors? I can understand if you feel possessive of them, but as I've said, I've grown fond of them and it would be kind of cool seeing Wolfe, Bahamut, Mercury, Aster, Magister, Gilly, Eirene, Nori, and Phoenix appearing in other authors fanfics, assuming they're interested, which they should be, providing they don't already have their own new Victor's.
May the Odds be ever in your favor (of getting nothing but positive reviews for the rest of Checkmate's run).
| Supernova18 chapter 99 . 6/14/2015
You might yet kill Lyme, Bahamut and Wolfe, so I won't do a happy dance yet.
When I read Mockingjay, I just read the story instead of stopping to question the stuff. Now, I wonder why the heck Finn was part of Squad 451. He should have refused and Katniss would have backed him up.
I loved how Finnick was faced with movie-Coin and was wondering why it felt wrong.
I want a scene where Snow is alone with Coin and gets her to reveal her true colors. I'm too lazy to think about the epilogue right now, but I want the obvious: Paylor, Plutarch, Katniss, Glynn...
| Vyrazhi chapter 99 . 6/13/2015
Bahamut was at "death's" door, although they say cowards die a thousand...
A smile as insurance reminds me of spy and gangster movies - the good ones.
Caesar Flickerman's part was imy favorite. When George Orwell wrote "Coming Up for Air," he had his protagonist George (no coincidence in the name - that was intentional) say something like, "Men like me always survive, come what may." George Bowling was an insurance salesman who knew when to keep his head down and his mouth shut. Caesar Flickerman is a media salesman, an image and perception salesman, who knows when to keep his head up and his mouth and ears open. People like him survive and thrive under any regime. Regimes require them.
In chapter 100, I want to see Alma Coin's motives laid bare, from her own mouth and her own mind. Have her compare herself to Evadne Achlys, especially. Snow has commandeered center stage for the latter half of the book, but I'd like Coin to compare herself to both these Presidents and show how weak and inferior they were (in her own opinion). Also, didn't Coin believe that she was doing the right thing, and that's what made her so scary as a villain?
French question: "Temps" means "time", but does it also mean "(verb) tense"?
| Paul chapter 98 . 6/10/2015
I know I said I wouldn't post any more reviews until you posted another chapter, but I realized I didn't answer your question of which character/s I'd like to see in The next chapter. My reply is wolfe, Lyme, finnick, boggs, aster, and Cressida, or at least two of them.
Also read more sic e the last view and was simultaneously impressed and depressed by the cycle of brutality and revenge coming after Wader's kamikaze attack up until the night of poison.
Once again, hope you spare some of district two's victors besides enobaria, who you've done a good job with here, and can't wait to see how you end this story.
P.S. This really we'll be my last post until chapter 97 is posted, promise.
| Paul chapter 1 . 6/10/2015
Sorry, this really we'll be my last review until you post another chapter.
First off I apologize for my foolishness in not finishing reading showdown before posting those earlier reviews. I didn't know you'd already killed aster and mercury and feel foolish for not seeing it coming. I mourn them but their deaths come off well In Context.
After getting to their deaths I re-read more parts of Checkmate and found I had a lot more stuff to post.
The power struggle in the capitol was handled very well, although I'd been expecting snow to kill more people. Having Mags be a rebel from early childhood and having the two victors be her idea were both interesting touches. To my embarrassment, when I first read this I mistook Cesar's inner monologue about the rebellion into meaning he was a part of it. He is still an interesting character, but I take back what I said about hoping he survives the war and now hope both he and Claudius die screaming.
Gloss and cashmere killing eve and vandalizing her academy was a brilliant and poetic touch, although realistically, they shouldn't have gotten away with it.
I was thankful when you brought up religion in the form of Scythia, as I am a religious man myself and had noticed the lack of religion in the hunger games world, and wish characters like mercury, aster, Scythia, pia, gilly and whittle a peaceful afterlife.
Absolutely loved your mentions of Wader from District 6 and his kamikazie attack on the game makers:intentionally or not, he paved the way for plutarch to become head game maker and the rebellion owes him a debt. There's he potential for a whole new story, or at least a good one-shot, in him if you think about it.
My favorite part of checkmate has to be Wolfe, though. He is one of the most interesting Victor's ever created by cannon or fannon alike. He won me over by getting medicine for basil, how his fight with katana went, and his relationship with sawyer-another great character-. If you find it in you to let him, Bahamut and Lyme survive this story, then you'll probably be my new favorite fanfiction author. Remember, it is conceivable for more of district 2's victors to survive without outright contradicting either official cannon or anything you've written.
Hope you read this and take it seriously, even though I'm not one of your fellow authors or long-time reviewers.
P.S. I am truly impressed by how many reviews you've gotten, although I can't say I'm surprised.
| Paul chapter 98 . 6/9/2015
I know this is my third post in half an hour, but I swear it's my last one. I just want to apologize for the rather outstanding spelling mistakes on my last post. My iPad has been acting up lately and for some reason I missed them before making the post. Hope you can read through them. Like I said, hope you follow my suggestion but no hard feelings if you don't and if it comes of as offensive, it wasn't meant to be. I've just grown rather attached to the victors you created and want to see some of them live.
| Paul chapter 98 . 6/9/2015
Hi again, I knows I posted another review just a few minutes ago but it accidentally got sent prematurely and here is the rest of what I was going to post.
.It can be summed up by this request/suggestion, which hope you take into consideration but can understand iyou ignore; please don't kill all of the remaining victor'not present at the capitol vote in mockingjay. Part of threason I like oisin55 so much is because he chose tspare additional victors, as I have been fascinated witthem and felt to few survived, a sentiment in which I am not alone. Oisin55 gets around making this a continuiteerror by pointing out that communications between thdistricts were sketchy, transportation was down and manvvv dyotciv iv victors went into hiding out of fear of snow, coin or your resolution to your oneshot the career implies all of the victors from district 1 and all the female victors except katniss, johanna, enobaria and annie died it is not outright stated and could conceivably be worked around. Mercury and aster-both of whom I am sincerely rooting for to live, as I always liked fanfic victor's from district 3, especially smart ones-are currently in hiding, and it wouldn't be implausible to have them survive the victors purge and simply remain in hiding until after the deaths of Coin and Snow. Likewise Lyme, bahamut and wolfe, or at least one of them, could survive and simply miss the vote on the capitol games due to being wounded or in a district without communication or transportation when coin gathers the victors for the vote. Even the loyalist district two victors, or at least Archon, Tyr, Gunnar and Phoenix could conceivably survive and just have been imprisoned by Coin and barred from voting on the Capitol Games, that would be like Coin and it might be interesting to see how they reacted to seeing the capitol defeated and everything they believed in being proved wrong. Even Nori, Chelsea, moire and maybe even another outer district victor could conceivably survive and just be in hiding or something.
I leave the final decision to your discretion and hope you take my suggestion. If you don't then I understand-it is your story after all, and you might already have a game plan contrary to everything on this post- and ask you to to forgive this sentimental fanboys request.
| Paul chapter 98 . 6/9/2015
Hi Anla'shok. You may not remember me but we've both reviewed oisin55's fanfics. I hope you appreciate my review, although I am aware it might come off as amateurish. I hadn't found your home page when I started reviewing oisin55 but when I did I was intrigued. I haven't been able to get all of it in such a short time but I'd like to think I've read enough. In m first review for oisin55, I saidi would be pleased if his work was declared official cannon by suzanne collins but after reading checkmate I no longer feel that way. Oisin55 is still my favorite, but there is so much good stuff out there like yours that it would be a sin to have it declared officially non-cannon.
I loved how you showed the quarter quell tributes in chapter 90. I especially like how you portrayed gloss and cashmere and like your take on their deaths, as it would explain why they attacked katniss and her allies yet still seem to have rebel ties, hope oisin55 does something like that.i was saddened that gilly died but liked how you gave her death meaning and style. I especially liked how you had coin leave so many victors to die in the arena, as it fits my views of her and I'd wondered why she hadn't sprung anyone out earlier.I like how you had plutarch not know about that and hope you'd don't have him be involved in killing prim here. I did like the line you gave coin about how she planned to take apart the capitol and outlaw even mentioning it though, kind of hope that happened under paylor's regime.
Liked how you handled the end of FLASH. Thought you gave good reasons for Rapid and Whittle trying to kill katniss and peeta. thought your deaths of seeder and Brutus were very well handled. Really like this version of Cesar, hope he survives the war. I also hope that you show snow and Colin's deaths from their own perspectives and have them experience fear and/or pain before dying.
Loved what you did for the training sessions, it was pure, unmitigated genius, especially chaff and johanna. Wish you would have shown blight and the man from ten-a really cool character-died.m
| ETNRL4L chapter 98 . 6/7/2015
I want my kiss to be open mouth...
You have such a convoluted way of explaining how all the victors died.
Yay. I get to see how Lyme dies. Cue sarcasm.
I know this is short, but I was enjoying the reading and didn't have much to comment. It's been two years. I'm getting repetitive.