|Reviews for When Light Yagami Wins|
| Darcy18 chapter 2 . 1/4/2015
I hope you'll continue this story some day! It's very well-written :)
Maybe Matsuda and Near could think of a plan to kill Light and Mikami or destroy the Death Note. They share a room so they could figure something out (I hope it for them).
| Biscuit15 chapter 2 . 4/7/2013
This is actually rather interesting. I'd love to see where it goes. As for ideas, I don't really have any myself, but I'd love to see what you think up for it :)
| Guest chapter 2 . 1/4/2013
You have the beginning of your story. The question is how do you want the story to end? Once you have decided that, the next question (or questions) is what major points (or subplots) do you want to cover in this story?
For my writing, I've always found a brainstorming session to be helpful when starting my story. After the brainstorming, I create an outline. Sometimes the outline is just the bare bones of what I want to accomplish with a story (usually a short story). For multi-chapter stories, my outlines are usually by the chapter.
You may want to consider finding a beta. Some betas help you with grammar alone while others will help with content and others that offer a combination of both. There is a section on this website specifically for writers to find betas.
Also, don't worry about frequent updates. I'm one of the those readers willing to wait on longer updates on a good story. There's a couple of writers that only update a few times a year; but, I'll follow them anway. Those chapters are usually worth the wait.
One thing that bothered me about the story is the scene or I guess what I sometimes call the "meat". When reading a story, I want feel like I'm there. What does the character see? What does the character smell? There are so many little things happening in each particular scene that could be pertinent to the story later on. One problem (or a big problem for me) is adding too much to a scene and the importance of that particular chapter (or story) is lost to the reader. It's a delicate balance-some writers of the paperbacks I read haven't mastered it. Still, it's one of those things that can turn a bad story into a good story or a good story into a great story (this statement is a generalization, not critique towards your writing).
I hope I'm making some sense-LOL. This isn't intended to be a flame. I've been reading other stories lately with poor grammar and the author basically states for the reader to either suck it up and read the story or hit the back button (I take option #2 with those stories). I commend you on wanting help with this story. You're being proactive in improving yourself as a writer. Then again, I think that's a neverending process for all of us.
Best of luck!
| CeeBoo chapter 2 . 1/4/2013
I like it - please continue.
| Deathday1313 chapter 1 . 1/1/2013
Oh mai gosh you must update this as soon as possible even though it is one chapter I'm already liking it. Please update!