Reviews for Crimson Rose of Texas
2muchtrouble chapter 5 . 3/28/2013
This one is so different and so good. I will wait for you to continue eagerly.
sherryola chapter 4 . 2/13/2013
I'm sorry you got such a negative review! It can be so discouraging. I remember getting a few during writing my story, Seeing Bella, and feeling so down about it. Hugs.

In the meantime, i love seeing this Jasper. loved how he pulled himself together and made love to Philippa properly, love the image of him being more carefree, laughing and playing in the water.

And is this the Peter, we know of from canon? Wow.

i still enjoy the story very much.
2muchtrouble chapter 4 . 2/12/2013
This is so well written that I forget I'm cheating on E/B by reading it. Please continue.
Padumba chapter 1 . 1/30/2013
Exposition, description, exposition, narration, going on and on. All scenes that could have potential for drama are all narrated, in a indiferent voice. Monotony of the narrative and voice are reflected in syntax as well. Most sentences and paragraph begin with the pronoun or noun: I, my mother, shimaa, shimaa (which is first written with small s, then with the capital letter), my father, I, I, I, It, (one exception), I, My, It, The punctures, I, I, I, We... Boooooooring.

The characterisation is practically non-existent. The narrator's voice is so impersonal and indiferent and flat that it doesn't give any personality to him.

But worst of all is the ending - few clichéd, pathetic words of fatherly wisdom, just as impersonal as a narrator.

Overall, this story has a strong feeling of a school essay - the kind they give you in the second or third year of learning a foreign language, with topics "My life", "My family" etc.

The only positive thing about this story is that there are no grammar errors that I see. Even for the FFN, that's a rather low level...
UTmouser1 chapter 3 . 1/24/2013
This is one of the best so far. I always love your writing and story lines. Glad to see that Jasper met Peter much sooner than we all thought. It certainly gives them a reason to be friends.
Lux Hart chapter 3 . 1/20/2013
I enjoyed this chapter, it really is such a breath of fresh air to be alerted to a new chapter in my inbox, and then see something so well-edited and structured.

It was very interesting to see Jasper with the horses and then the close relationship he developed with his Captain. I'm not sure whether it was intentional or not, but Jasper's closeness and skills with the horses, for me, paralleled to his skill as an empath after his transformation. Even if the intent wasn't there, I'm enjoying it as such all the same ;D.

One thing I kept in mind, until reading your A/N was the quick ability Jasper had to train Brandt. I've dabbled a bit with horses in my years and felt the short time frame to make the man such a competent writer when he was so blase previously was a little trite, but can suspend it knowing you did work to improve how quick you had it previously :).
Rasa.Ra chapter 3 . 1/18/2013
Amazing! Vey insightful write! So much detail in every move or moment. I feel like I'm immersed in that episode of time and life style. Thank you! Beautiful writing
2muchtrouble chapter 3 . 1/17/2013
This is so well written. Really a pleasure to read.
2muchtrouble chapter 2 . 1/10/2013
That was a heartbreaking tale but so well written.
sherryola chapter 2 . 1/10/2013
Oh, poor Jasper. Such a hard thing to happen to a sensitive boy like that. And noiw, he's in the army. Great update.
Lux Hart chapter 2 . 1/10/2013
Another great chapter :D.

I'm not sure whether it was intentional or not, but Jasper's subconsciously violent attitude is an interesting parallel to his limited self-control as a vampire in canon. His emotions over his "wife" were also beautifully done, and I'm left both feeling sorry and annoyed at the girl for all she was put through and all she put Jasper through.

I found your own spin on the backstory canon very believable - I think that the soulmate idea in the canon was, in some ways, unbelievable. It's definitely more interesting to have Jasper feel love previously to Alice, at least to give him a perspective on the world I think we all need.

Looking forward to how this story kicks off now that Jasper's joined the military!
Rasa.Ra chapter 2 . 1/9/2013
Omg.. You made me cry.. This was so sad and so real.. Your writing is so enticing.. I could imagine the whole situation, the way they loved then.. How jasper loved her.. A much as he always presented himself in the books, to be a hard ass fighter.. Truly he is a big soft heart.. But sure, one learns how to protect it from the harsh world that surrounds us.. And the world of vampires is even harsher, what with most of the, being the worst part of animals:)
Enjoying this story immensely
Rasa.Ra chapter 1 . 1/8/2013
I love it! I've never read any stories about jasper, but as it is coming from you, I'm in:) i hope you will update soon
Lux Hart chapter 1 . 1/2/2013
I always enjoyed Jasper as a character, and wished Meyer had spent some more time fleshing out his backstory.

Great opening sentence! Even though we’re already aware of Jasper’s death, it still hooked me in with its simplicity, and in a way, even mundane facts. I think this captures Jasper’s personality quite well – his (human) death was just one facet of what he has – and will continue to – go through. The second paragraph cemented this even further with your line of “Even before I was born I owed my very existence to death.” Love it.

Wonderful description throughout this. Who knew Jasper so poetic? Yet, at the same time, I don’t feel as though you stretched his character – I really can imagine him writing and thinking all of this. I liked Jasper having flaws, from falling down a well (srsly, Jasper? Srsly?! haha) to his attempts to show off ending in dire trouble (in the same paragraph I also noticed a spelling change: “Shemaa” instead of “Shimma”?).

Jasper’s maturity was also something I admired, and I feel you balanced this with the “rebellious teenager” attitude extremely well. A wonderfully written love scene, too, which carried on with the maturity verses teenage immaturity. A good balance of physical and mental description, with perfectly fitting metaphors of horses to this woman (and in a nice way!), and his admittance of love being done in a way that is understandable.

All in all, a wonderful first chapter. You crammed a lot of information in here but there was not a second where I felt it bordered on anything close to an infodump. I was engaged, intrigued, and really enjoy your writing style. I will give this a follow to see just how you take Jasper’s life story into your own hands :).
sherryola chapter 1 . 1/1/2013
I'm looking forward to this story. There's so little about Jasper either in canon or in fics,a nd what there is doesn't usually show this aspect of his life. it either matches him with Bella, a pairing I don't understand at all, or shows his life with alice. But even those canon type fics about Alice and Jasper are so rare. i'm eager to see what you'll do.
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