|Reviews for Those Left Behind|
| Crazyeight chapter 36 . 11/17/2013
Sorry for the lack of reviews. I've had very little time these past couple months. That said, let's get down to business.
Bookworm Gal nailed it on the head. ‘So many characters’ indeed. I must admit that after the original Tamers were found, I had a hard time following what was happening in the story and I think this is the reason why. There’s just so many characters to follow, and their perspectives are intermingled even in scenes that aren’t directly related to each other, and some of the characters are…lacking in gravitas when it comes to the core plot, or in other cases they have too much focus, with their backstory pulling too much of the story away from the core. I came into this fic with the story seemingly focused on background characters like Ayaka, Tadashi, etc…with new characters like Ed to add some mystery, but as events progressed more attention was brought onto less fleshed out characters (like the military ones and Antonio) with the group you started with more or less being pushed back into the background. This would be fine if this was done more with sequels where new characters are naturally brought in, but this way feels a little off putting, not because the OC’s are also getting Mega forms and whatnot, but more that you’re abandoning characters that readers became familiar with for others that the audience is less so. If I were more cynical, I would feel that these *are* the characters you wanted to write from the start and just used the starting ones as a springboard, but I feel more that, with the progression of the plot and the additions of new characters, they just got lost in the shuffle and their importance faded based on what you needed for the plot requirements.
That's not to say that the story is bad, but in the future you might want to keep in mind that fewer characters makes it easier for the audience to follow events (I must admit to starting to lose track of who’s in what dimension and what they’re doing. Taizou and Tadashi especially at times were hard to keep track of) and allows for important ones to be fleshed out better and for the audience to care about them more (I’ve lost track of the current character count and am having a hard time caring about the newer ones and their relationship drama). I applaud your decision to have a tighter focus on canon characters in the next chapter and would advise a greater focus on fewer perspectives, both canon and OCs, to keep things from getting too complex to easily follow.
| Bookworm Gal chapter 36 . 10/28/2013
So... many... characters... And most of them are related in one universe or another...
| Bookworm Gal chapter 35 . 10/12/2013
Very nice work. I love this line: "What is this? The year of random relatives coming out of nowhere?" It amuses me. Keep it up.
| Bookworm Gal chapter 34 . 9/11/2013
Very nice work. Jeri is the leader of the little group. I wish her luck with that. Everything is very interesting so far. Good luck.
| Bookworm Gal chapter 33 . 9/4/2013
There's nothing as awesome as some impressive biomerging. Nice work. Keep up the good job.
| guest chapter 29 . 9/2/2013
Thank you RogueTame2k7 for take for not ignoring my sugestion on chapter 29, but remeber that racial steriotypes can repell readers. by the way your story is otherwise flawless and you could explain where,whow, and alice and sperrowmon met and if jari will ever be reunited with leomon and im interested interested in seing the original tamers be reunited with there families and there reaction to mising so mutch of there lives. and dont forget any new megas and the battle with Jaries team vs Rusttyranomon (who i still cant find on google imiges),and i want to see abby (cutemon)andyuji's (comandramon's) ultamate forms.:-)
| guest chapter 1 . 9/2/2013
will rabbitmon digivolve it a pink rappidmon or somthing like that?
| Crazyeight chapter 27 . 9/2/2013
The 400 year time skip is easily the weakest part of your story so far. On one hand we don’t see that the characters have changed much at all in terms of personality (although I find it immensely questionable that Kuzuhamon would have fixed their aging. Given that the digital world already has the rule of ‘you eat when you feel like it’, why isn’t the same applied to aging? First giving Takato access to the Crimson Mode and now this… She’s like a walking dues ex machine. And that brings to mind the question as to why the Digimon Emperor isn’t dead since I doubt she would have done this for him). Kazu makes some mention that the others have become ‘cold’ but we don’t see that when we actually meet the characters again. In fact all the characters act pretty much the way they were 400 years ago. Even Rika, in spite of her comments on expecting candles and rose pedal romance, and she certainly doesn’t act cold in the least.
Also, I have to question why you chose 400 years for the future setting? That’s…a lot of time. I mean a LOT of time. Time for people to change in ways that would be completely unrecognizable (just ten years leaves their mark), to stop being friends…really, for a host of any possible changes, and memory is going to start getting weird. For one, your perception of time changes as you get older, and for another you really only remember the ups and downs, but nothing that’s not notable in between, or at least very little. How 400 years can pass for these characters to not even have lost a single one of their number in battle (especially considering who they’re going up against) is beyond me. How they can keep fighting for 400 years with nothing to show for it and not suffer a breakdown of some kind is rather crazy (our history books are full of soldiers and commanders who break down in less than four years, and are often still scarred after the fact). There is no way that they can just drop back into their old lives, and it stretches belief that they would be portrayed as you’ve written them. Heck, I have a hard enough time believing that…what’s the number again? Four to five guys and one girl would spend all those years together and not experience some serious problems in keeping the peace between themselves, especially where sex is concerned. Four hundred years? That…brings up far, far too many holes in realism. One would think that if monogamy wasn’t going to be used that Kazu or Ryo would have gone for romance of the digital variety. Or each other. Social norms tend to crumble when one is on the edge like this, or if you just so happen to get old enough to not care.
Also, where the heck did Takato get a wedding ring in the middle of the digital world? How’d they get married exactly? For that matter, did they even try to contact the real world? What the heck were they doing for the past 400 years? That’s a lot of time for opportunities!
| guest chapter 32 . 8/31/2013
whow on earth do the colige kid get less home work than 9th grade
| Bookworm Gal chapter 32 . 8/26/2013
So... many... characters. But still awesome regardless. Nice work.
| guest chapter 31 . 8/19/2013
get your ejucation first lol v-mon sounds just like 02 v-mon
| Crazyeight chapter 18 . 8/19/2013
Interesting choice with Sanzomon, and in my opinion a better one than Hippogriffomon. I'm with your logic in regards to this. :D Not sure what to make of Ayaka in the leadership role, since so far she's been a bit passive in this story, but this could work with the right development, and you have a lot more chapters to go through.
All around, a pretty solid chapter. :)
| Bookworm Gal chapter 31 . 8/19/2013
Very nice work. Some interesting developments. Keep it up.
| Bookworm Gal chapter 30 . 8/7/2013
Very, very interesting. Lots of characters. I look forward to more soon. Good luck.
| DigitalCorp chapter 29 . 7/31/2013
I thought that Hope corrupted was Wrath.