|Reviews for TCC Book Four: The Wounds That Heal|
| frankannestein chapter 5 . 3/8
[Who knew how far she had run away from nourishment.] I think this, by far, is my favorite characterization of Cheetara. Even though it was an external act, its roots are deeply internal: She can run. So fast that distance ceases to matter. Not many stories focus on something so fundamental to her, which is really a great oversight. But not here. Here, it's not only fact, but it provides tension and conflict. At the end of the first paragraph (even if she won't admit it to herself) she's in a great deal of trouble, and alone, because of her ability to run.
This is me rambling as I read again, but when the panther first appears, I immediately thought of Panthera (who wouldn't, really, who watched the new series?). I was bothered by this, though - not by the impossibility of them meeting, but that so much care was taken to describe Panthera, but her clothing is never mentioned. Her clothing is crucial, because, unlike modern cats, *she wears shoes*. A spacesuit and boots. Cheetara did not see Leo's memories. How would she have reacted to what she was seeing? Or what would she thought of the kick to the face when it was made with a heavy-soled boot? Food for thought. :3
And, before you get mad at me for being a terrible reader (LOL) I just read the paragraph that starts with ["I know who you are, Panthera."] I maintain that describing her clothing earlier would help the scene a great deal, especially if it's an older version of Panthera than what I immediately envisioned.
["And . . . you look so much like my daughter did at your age.] So, her daughter was a cheetah? I'm getting confused by all the bloodlines and the bits of Cheetara's past. I don't think there's anything wrong with the way the story's told, but the nature of reading chapter-by-chapter sometimes hamstrings me. Sorry for all the questions!
Panthera is an interesting lady. :3 I wouldn't have pegged her for a magic-wielding cleric, but it works. Even on Mumm-Ra's ship, SHE was the one leading Leo to do the right thing the whole time. It was fun to watch her put Cheetara through her paces; I want to know where she got her staff; I'd love to see her interacting with Leo again; I like that she's wise, but she's also a wiseass. It's such an irreverent combination and fits perfectly with what little we got to see of her before.
I'm actually pretty excited to see where the next chapter takes us! A trip down someone else's memory lane, always an adventure!
| frankannestein chapter 3 . 8/17/2014
I've read three chapters of this now, and I am stunned and amazed (and impressed) at the depth of emotion that saturates each scene. Cheetara's absence is disturbing, but I think WilyKat's pain is much more immediate - and maybe even more important. The birds are acting horrible villains, but here they prove that there is no right or wrong side. A tragedy has gripped them all, and no one knows how to deal with it. Not Lion-O, trying to keep it all together. Not Tygra, with all of his deep-rooted feelings, both good and bad. Not Panthro, who seems, if anything, to be avoiding it all. Bad, Panthro! I appreciate the glimpses of the brothers' past, but I am truly worried about the kittens now.
*cries a little*
| Madame Tortilla chapter 5 . 2/2/2014
Since I’m not familiar with the fandom, I’ve taken the liberty of searching the characters and some events beforehand. Hope the review is at least satisfactory :3
I’ll start this with general grammar comments and nitpicks:
-You certainly have quite the talent for description. I particularly enjoyed how the chapter feels like a mix of a tv anime and a book narrative (here, I must point that you’ve done a good job on introducing character musings and adding further details. It makes for an interesting reading).
-On the other hand, I’ve noticed a few issues regarding run-in sentences in the first six paragraphs. I would also like to point that, perhaps, within the same six paragraphs, it would be a good idea to shorten them or make them smaller. I know that there’s a lot of important information that need to be included, but perhaps it would make for an easier reading. This is a more personal view of mine, so take it for what it’s worth :3 I quite enjoyed your chapter and your writing style is very clean and objective.
I don’t know the characters all that well yet, but Cheetara seems an interesting woman/cat. She radiates a certain power and independence that many would want to possess, which is a plus when it comes to strong female characters. Moreover, one can sympathize with her inner turmoil’s.
Cheetara has Panthera’s staff? Now, that’s a twist.
[“You’re like… wet yarn. A soggy ball. (…)”] Couldn’t help but to laugh a little with this particular metaphor. It’s fitting given the nature of women here xD
One of my favorite parts in this chapter was the conversation between Panthera and Cheetara about the essence of magic and the spirit realm. I’ve always found these topics fascinating.
Hope the review helped!
| NeoMiniTails chapter 2 . 1/26/2014
I am still fandom blind since I haven't seen the show in so long that I only remember the tagline from the original anime.
The brothers are more trouble than the kittens (comma directly after "kittens") Panthoro thought grimly.
I totally love this description: the water went down like a satin kiss on the gloved hand of a lady.
At least (comma) then (comma) they might focus on the mission.
Panthro's musings about the two brothers is very interesting. I love the sarcasms used in his mindset especially considering that he was trying to get something done but he was dealing with their argument in their background, using Cheetara's disappearance for the fight.
I love the idea Of the argument... however it needs a little strength in tone and diction... also needs a clear voice. In the part where they're arguing, it feels like its one person arguing back and forth as there's no major difference in how the two people talk... Panthro was the only one who used a slightly different dialect by saying "oughta."
When they are arguing, their language is too proper and polite. Despite the bitter tone that should be there, it isn't. Now, besides working on making dialect more natural (I advise listening to the way that they talk in the original Japanese version or even the dubbed then paying more closely the differences in which people talk in real life; for example, listen to Mikey Bolts, PewdiePie, YoMuscleBoii... listen to the way they speak to help with making dialogues more natural.)
I also really loved the ending of the first scene with Panthoro and his slight wonderings about what life would've been like if he had chosen a different path in life then took the thoughts out of his mind, not regretting his decision.
The second scene is mostly dialogue... which seems to be a weak spot in your writing. Often, because your dialogue sounds unnatural, it makes the scene seem less realistic. _. Work on this issue and it'll help your writing very much... also on physical descriptions and on some showy actions.
I enjoyed the chapter very much, and I also love the characterization of Panthoro despite my being fandom blind.
Until Next Time,
| Edhla chapter 2 . 1/25/2014
Hiya, sorry for the delay. Had a personal thing come up and then was catching up on the first chapter, which I reviewed but quite a while back.
Another solid chapter. You employ some very vivid imagery (especially for the canon blind;) I was particularly taken this time with the "satin kiss" of the water and the "oil stained metal claws", especially used in such close conjunction. The dialogue between Lion-O and Tygra bounces really well - a lot of teh interest lies not in what is being said, but what is being hidden and why. I also really love that you often use an action to show us how a character is thinking without making it too obvious, for example, wth "Lion-O's feet shifted in the grass."
The action sequences are very well described too, particularly the tussle when Tygra goads Lion-O too far.
"The birds told Lion-O..." That's such a whimsical thought, I really love it x
I was fascinated by that paragraph on Panthro, his psychology and just his physicality. Very well done there, to yank in a canon-blind person ;)
Toward the end I felt there were a few Lists-of-Names that did get quite a bit confusing, but that may well again just be anon-blindness... I had to really sit and think about which character was which, especially Wily's "promise you won't tell anyone..."
But Piter is gloriously obnoxious and I really like Kit, too. Looking forward to see where this one goes x
| Leonidas701 chapter 5 . 1/25/2014
The opening of this chapter is really well done. I liked her acknowledgement of her stupidity, and her thoughts felt like how people actually think. It was also pretty decently descriptive.
Why did they start fighting? It felt like it was really out of nowhere and quite pointless. It seems like it’s just a piece of filler, though admittedly well written filler.
The bit after the fight was quite nice though. It was an interesting conversation, and I liked the fact that Cheetara didn’t lash out at the panther for talking down to her. IT makes her seem very mature.
Other then that, this was a nice little introduction to the second act.
| LaughingLadybug chapter 5 . 1/25/2014
I don't know how to be constructive. This flows really well, but it's utterly uninteresting to me. I recognize the fandom, but I only remember half of it. I was actually looking forward to reading this, too. I think "prophesy" is supposed to be spelt "prophecy." This needs a lot of work. I have no room to say anything on writing, I'm awful at it, myself, but this needs a lot of work.
I'm sorry. :(
| Lady Elizabeth of New York chapter 5 . 12/14/2013
Loved it. It was very suspenseful. Now I'm very fandom blind but your story was well done and the characters were amazingly written. The only problem I had was your dialogue tags. You use said an awful lot. And I think you should add a little more emotion. Like she said angrily. Maybe it's just me but I think you could have shown their emotions a bit more. But still, this story was great and if I was into Thundercats, I would read more. In fact I just might go online and watch some episodes so I can read more.
| Attune chapter 5 . 11/30/2013
I'll start by saying that I don't know the fandom (never heard of it before reviewing this chapter). So any comment I make might be made irrelevant by context or something like that.
The pacing is a bit tight, but it's still okay. Maybe it's just because I'm unfamiliar with many terms. Your dialog flows well, even though you placed many intentional breaks in it, although the personality of Cheetara seems to shift rather abruptly at times. The more action oriented-scenes at the beginning were fairly gripping, and the internal monologue is incorporated nicely.
Overall, the quality of your writing is superb. I follow the emotions of Cheetara quite clearly, and can see the impact of Panthera's words on Cheetara. Her emotional struggles seem just as real as the other challenges that she faces. The brief battle-scene confused me some, even though I could follow what went on in it. It's quite clear that you've put a lot of hard work into this piece!
| CloudyRaven chapter 5 . 11/30/2013
This is a great chapter. Everything seems to be in order with grammar and characterization. I can imagine this happening after the episode itself, especially the moment when Cheetara meets Leo. The canon characterization is very relatable.
| persevera chapter 1 . 11/29/2013
You show the experience for one being bullied quite well, with one going through such an ordeal and then because of fear, pride or other reasons, denying that it happened.
I'm a little confused about the time frame though. I had the impression from when the other cats showed up in Tygra's garden that this was the first incident since it said that he didn't know the first lion and that he was confused when all of the cats who were with the lion also hit him. Then, however, Tygra cries, " This cannot keephappening. I cannot bear this anymore." which struck me as weird because I thought it was the first time. But the narrative after that does indicate that it's ongoing. So he hadn't expected it to happen in his garden because it had been his refuge before? Now he has different bullies than the ones he's used to?
But, add started before, the feelings of someone experiencing bullying are well presented.
The story at the beginning if the chapter is adorable. I live the phrase tiny soldier for the ant in the tea and the fact that Baby Tygra was delighted when he discovered them.
I'm very curious about the absence of the cleric and how that figures into what Tygra suffers. Is the jaguar aware and thinks it will help toughen up the pampered prince?
Those self-defense lessons should be interesting.
| Winged-Violoncelle chapter 2 . 11/27/2013
I see that this chapter isn't connected wholly with the last. I think it worked really well here :).
You described the problem between Tygra and Lion-O really well, although at the moment Cheetara is seeming like the perfect jerk :). Panthros's interference was also very nicely written. I do think, however, that you could've made the conversation between them a little more heated by using more exclamation marks.
Because you didn't resolve Tygra's little problem in the first chapter, I'm wondering whether you'll resolve all the problems together at some later chapters. I also saw that not only did you depict the one problem of the quarrel between the two brothers, you also started another bully problem with WilyKit and WilyKat. It's hard for me to imagine birds bullying cats, but once I was used to it, it was actually pretty terrifying. Again, I found that the bullies, for some reason, didn't feel to me to be "mean" enough. As a result, I couldn't feel too much sympathy for WilyKit and WilyKat either. Perhaps you could consider adding more descriptive imagery? At the moment, I see a lot of "the hawk demanded", "the albatross agreed", etc. These verbs you're using are all very mild and passive verbs. Perhaps you could consider switching to harsher words, like "snarled", and adding more description on the expressions of the birds, like "the hawk grinned in malice"? Because bullying is such a big topic in your story, I think you could try pushing the limit of the horrid happenings a little more. Just my own opinion though :).
I'm looking forward to seeing how all the wounds shall heal. Great work!
| Edhla chapter 1 . 11/24/2013
Warning: I'm canon-blind, but appreciated your notes :)
I liked the beginning paragraph a lot, even if my own canon blindness (and no fault of your writing!) can't picture a cat with a bucket. The toddler's fascination with ants was nicely portrayed too, capturing a sort of innocent glee in ants and "earthworms and other creatures", though I felt the emphasis on teas and gastric disorders went on a little too long... I thought by the amount of time devoted to it that it would occupy a much larger role in the story.
As a small aside, I really liked "burgundy roses". It's a synonym for "red" I don't think I've ever seen and completely apt.
"Thirteen revolutions..." YMMV, and remembering I'm canon-blind, but this expression seemed a little precious and stood out in a way I don't know if you intended... another word might fit more seamlessly into the narrative since your emphasis seems rightly to be on the bullying, which I thought was depicted nicely (though the connection between "roses in your hair" and homophobic bullying seemed a little heavy handed in parts.)
The last paragraph was poignant and muted, though a little summarised, and in general I thought this a nicely written chapter. Thank you for writing x
| Winged-Violoncelle chapter 1 . 11/21/2013
I'm not at all familiar with the fandom, but I'm enchanted by what you've done here. I loved the tone of your opening paragraph, and many paragraphs that followed. It just seemed so cute and fluffy, with the little cub Tygra going out to associate with and appreciate nature. But of course, a tiger cub picking flowers seems like a perfect target for bullies. I felt so bad for him when I saw what those jerks did to him, even threatening to kill him and (his brother?). Now that's just absolutely terrifying. I think Tygra's confusion was very well written, though his thoughts in italics confused me a little. I wasn't sure who he was referring to when he thought "Where is he? Why isn't he here? etc.". But it was heartbreaking to see the confusion all the same.
You said you wanted to explore bullying, and I think you did just that even after the ordeal happened. Tygra's first instinct, when Claudius asked, was to hide the fact that he'd been bullied. I'm not sure if Claudius noticed something was amiss, but the line "he studied the boy's expression" gave me the impression that he did. I'm also confused at the meaning in Jaga's suggestion like Tygra, but I suppose that's part of the mystery :).
I didn't find any SP&G or stylistic things to comment on, so kudos for that :)! I'm wondering how Tygra will move past this psychological disturbance. Thanks for sharing & catch you later!
| NeoMiniTails chapter 1 . 11/16/2013
I really liked this despite not really being a huge Thundercats fan. In fact, I found much of it to be very charming especially when they were talking about the soil and the rumors of what the queen did to enrich the soil, but the young cub knew better, knew that it was ants because of when they were younger.
I felt bad for Lion-O... he sort of seemed like the black sheep in a crowd of white sheep, the outsider. I've felt like that in my own family. Tygra, I felt bad for him also... especially in teh when he started crying.
The chapter feels very nostalgic as I read it, almost as if I were reading a diary entry. It was quite beautiful. I am interested in how the story keep going on.
Until next time,