|Reviews for Shadows of Mitakihara|
| patriotprideboy chapter 5 . 10/27/2013
Wow, what a WHAM line at the end. Kind of a confusing transition from a perceived disappearance of Kyouko to this, though. Still shocking so credit is due there - nice work! Continue this sometime.
| Markus Ramikin chapter 5 . 4/3/2013
I enjoyed this story, though not quite as much as the first one. Still, some good scenes there, and it's nice to see more characters involved.
The OCs were functional, though not incredibly memorable. Still, they add something without overshadowing established characters, so that's good. And it's nice to see a junior looking up to Marisa.
The Arrow of Heaven made me smile. Homura's new set of powers includes borrowing Madoka's GS special?
I'd have thought Marisa would just summon a new sword, like Sayaka and Mami do with their weapons, but the Jedi trick works and is amusing. Incidentally, I love the idea of Poor-chan in shiny gothic armor and shield. (I wonder if Sayaka was jealous of someone more knightly-looking than herself!)
I gotta wonder why the girls didn't just purify Sayaka's soul gem when she was dying. Even if by some incredible coincidence they were all out of reserve cubes, they'd just killed a bunch of demons who would have dropped fresh ones... I'm not counting it as a big fault though, since given the way MG bodies work it's kind of hard to write a plausible scene of death to demons that doesn't consist of someone suiciding, or getting totally ripped apart or the soul gem destroyed. I mean, when there are friendlies around who could purify you.
My main disappointment with this story is that it does not deliver that heartwarming factor of the previous one. Since Marisa and Mami only have ten years to live, it would have been nice to feel more keenly that it was worth it, what Marisa got out of the bargain. The story says as much, but in a "telling" rather than "showing" way. It doesn't really immerse us in scenes that would convey happiness and romance, like the earlier one. Not even a single kiss. What personal scenes there are are sad or bittersweet.
I realize this is partly due to the focus shifting to combat, danger, and drama, which is fine. But as a reader who came to this story after Poor in Pocket, it's a shame to see the relationship get shoved so hard into the background.
Proofreading is rather lacking here. For example, in the first 3 chapters, not a single correct spelling of "Miasma" is to be found; all there is is "Maisma". That indicates that you didn't even use ffnet's own proofreader, let alone re-read manually.
"So... in a way... Kyouko didn't 'die' as much as 'leave us'"
I'd say this sentence shouldn't be in the story at all. It's not a good idea to give the reader the impression that the story lied to him directly (as opposed to misdirecting or having a plot twist, which are fine). And I do know Kyouko dies later, but at this point the impression is that this is the payoff to the earlier "It's not surprising that she was the next to die", so the reader feels cheated.
All that aside, it was good to get a continuation to Poor in Pocket. I hope you intend to finish this.
| Wolf Densetsu chapter 4 . 1/31/2013
This story is really interesting. Kinda sad, too. It has the same tragic tone that the show has. Also, your grammar/spelling is awesome. XD I'll keep reading this
| Anonymous chapter 1 . 1/26/2013
Her name is Poorfag.
| Oceanstuck chapter 1 . 1/5/2013
I've been wanting to see this :D Keep going, please! _