|Reviews for Fairy Tales and Luxury|
| FleurSuoh chapter 7 . 2/10/2014
Interesting way to end the chapter. Wonder if this is how you are ending the story or if you will be making it an AU. Please update soon
| FleurSuoh chapter 4 . 11/25/2013
Interesting story. Looking forward to the next chapter. Update soon please!
| Radio Free Death chapter 3 . 1/18/2013
If she's taught the basics in school, how does she know about what Chi means? That doesn't sound like information that would be allowed to any District citizen, or even if the Capitol itself knows.
The morphling abuse can’t be kept a secret if everyone already knows its not a secret. Persephone even contradicts herself in the next paragraph. And how would she know that Districts Eleven and Twelve don’t have access to basic painkillers? This doesn’t seem like information the Capitol would share in schools.
If her brother thought she was paranoid about the Capitol targeting their family, he didn’t seem to raise any objections or reactions when she brought it up to him.
Career bashing! Though I admit this story is not as heavy handed in its delivery against them, I wonder if the story will boil down to them being the true enemy and not the Capitol. After all, they’re still being oppressed and just because three districts train kids doesn’t mean that they all win every year. And how can they be skilled in combat but suck in survival? Its almost like they’re not even trained for the things that actually matter.
Persephone seems more like she’s complaining that the only reason she can’t win is because she’s pathetic, rather than the fact that she herself hates the games and doesn’t want to play, or maybe it’s the realization that she has to kill to win. I don’t mind if she believes in the Games, but it has to be consistent. You can’t have a character that is against the Capitol and the Games and then complains that she failed at the tryouts.
How does she know that the Capitol doesn’t ride bikes? Do they broadcast this information on TV? She has a weird way of gathering information. She doesn’t know how her mentors won but she knows about the Capitol’s avoidance of bikes. She also doesn’t know about astronauts, yet she has a vague inclination of dinosaurs?
If the Capitol really had it in for her family, why is it that they’re still alive? Sure, her dad is dead, but her brother remained untouched and so was she and her mother was left alone.
So she’s in love with Haymitch? Why? He just seems like a condescending jerk and she’s only met him.
I like the idea of a child who is committed to self-sacrifice, but the story goes a bit too far in hitting the reader over the head about how pathetic she is. It also implies that if she had been a bit stronger, she would’ve had more enthusiasm for participating.
| Radio Free Death chapter 2 . 1/18/2013
The reason behind Persephone volunteering is a nice one. Rather than sticking up for a sibling or a friend, she does it to get it out of the way and save her years of stress. Her being upset that she was not picked in the end was a nice touch.
You need to be careful not to make Persephone into Tragic Sue. An example of this is when the people start clapping and she thinks that their confusion comes from the fact that she's unknown rather than the fact that she volunteered. Reaping shouldn't be a popularity contest.
Why does Persephone think that the Capitol is after her family exactly? They didn't force their mother to remarry, they left her brother alone, and she did volunteer without being pressured.
If Persephone truly believes that she's going to die and being reaped is a death sentence, why does she play along? Pretending to be strong isn't really going to get her anywhere fast. Plus, crying will show that what's being done to her isn't a good thing.
Doesn't 'chi' mean life force?
Volunteering shouldn't be that unheard of. People can volunteer to save another life or to commit suicide because their own lives are horrible.
Chi would be able to be homeschooled? Either his parents can afford to or the Capitol is lenient on keeping their child population in an area to be watched at all times.
Other things of interest:
You generally write out numbers with letters, like for example age. District 6 can be left as it is since its the name of the place. Spelling it District Six isn't bad either.
'Career' is what the people of District Twelve call the trained kids.
Daphne isn't mocked for her accent or her dress. A breath of fresh air.
| Radio Free Death chapter 1 . 1/18/2013
Its not a bad start. The opening could've started at a different location-the 'waking up to find out its reaping day' has been done to death and the only saving grace is that its decently written and carries itself well. It does get a bit too much when the main character has to point out that their family is the most pathetic and unlucky, when the family situation seems no different than what most people have to go through. And the text switched in italics halfway for some reason.