|Reviews for A Wish to Disappear|
| Markus Ramikin chapter 7 . 12/5/2013
Good conclusion, well written, but I personally didn't find it all that satisfying. I confess I expected Violet's end to be more intense, with more violent emotions. I thought things would keep going out of control and wrong, like with Honami, until she couldn't take it any more. This was too stable, too in-control. The fiasco with Honami is, in my eyes, the peak of this story; the rest is a bit anticlimactic.
Countable vs uncountable nouns seem to be your bane; a surprisingly basic language flaw in a story this good. I wonder if you received my pm back then?
| linkhyrule5 chapter 8 . 12/2/2013
Okay, that was great.
| linkhyrule5 chapter 7 . 11/18/2013
Very nice. Very much in the flavor of the original. I like your characterization of Violet; it seems like a rare person to just accept their transformation like that, so far in advance, despairing or not.
And the last bit was great - it's an interesting way to show how Madoka can fix things without directly interfering.
(Would be amused to see Homura's reaction to that, but I don't think it'd fit. Maybe as an omake?)
| Biigoh chapter 6 . 11/1/2013
Also poor Violet.
| Alicia Jewel chapter 1 . 9/12/2013
Why doesn't this have more reviews? It's so good! I liked how crappily Violet's first witch battle went, and I really loved her reaction to seeing herself being eaten. (Even if it was totally gross.) Definitely one of the better OCs I've seen in a while. There were a few sentences here and there that didn't make any sense: "And, as she had just learned, it was time live a new life to stick to the truth to matter what," for example. Otherwise, though, this was really well-written. I'll definitely be reading more of this (even though it doesn't seem like you've updated this in quite a while).
| Markus Ramikin chapter 5 . 4/24/2013
It took me a while to get started on this story, due to the description making me think this is just about a witch - those stories tend to be off the point, so I mostly stopped bothering with them. I'm glad I eventually did. This is interesting, creative, and well written. And the interpretation of magic mechanics seems apt.
Hope you don't mind if I just ignore your silly signalling re: positive criticism. ;)
Violet trying to make sense of Gertrud's past was touching.
I particularly enjoyed reading about Honami. I /liked/ that character, I liked the way she was crafted and presented, and felt invested in her. So the eventual tragedy worked, for me. It's a shame they couldn't reach an understanding - or at least that she wasn't able to create a truth spell, like Kyouko.
I also applaud the way Violet's evolving, though it's not exactly pleasant to read. I started out sympathising with her, and I admit that sympathy has been harshly eroding, though I can of course see in the end she is still something of a victim. I can already feel that her trajectory does end in witchdom eventually, and have fewer-than-usual worries that it will end up feeling forced or unconvincing just so you can make your book-ends meet.
Of the smaller things, I really liked things like that "carefully go through the motions of eating pocky to recover some sanity" moment. A simple listing of the most mundane actions can be powerful in the right time and place.
I like the evidence in Chapter 1 that this fic is actually thought out and planned. Notebook paper... that kind of impressed me. Not sure if I understand the flesh spiders, but the story is not over yet...
Speaking of which, it's not marked as complete - will there be more? I do encourage you to finish it.
How did Violet match names to the witches she encountered? That is unclear. Especially when later she happens to name the witch we know as Gertrud, Gertrud...
"That thought made her less upset. And it made her cry even harder." - I don't know what you were going for here, because it just looks like a plain contradiction.
I hope you do not mind if I pm you my proofreading notes - not something I'd normally bother with, especially unasked for, but this story is so good that it'd be nice to see it polished.
Again, good work.
| AsiraK-KarisA chapter 5 . 2/4/2013
Haven' t really reviewed at all, but I really love this story! It's great so far and I really like how your OC isn't perfect. There are things that still make her imperfect. Even if I don't understand the full reason for her wish.
Although she does have it much easier then most other Puella Magi, she still has hardships she must overcome. Learning how to use her powers, handling the truth of witches, leaving her family and friends to live alone. (or disappear, in better words), I love that! It makes this much more realistic!
| linkhyrule5 chapter 5 . 2/4/2013
While I see why this has to happen... I'm kind of dubious about the plausibility. Violet, by now, must be really, really used to running simulations on other people's minds - it's her fighting style, it's how she stays alive. Being a master of observation and manipulation means she really ought to know that most people think stalkers are creepy, even if she doesn't believe it herself. (I can't imagine she believes half the stuff she sees Witches embody, for example.)
I could see if if she wasn't cleaning her soul gem, but with a clean gem and a clear mind... well, it's certainly straining my SoD.
| Biigoh chapter 3 . 1/22/2013
Huh... this is an interesting little Puella... I do hope to see more.
| Florentine Centifolia chapter 1 . 1/7/2013
You know, this could have been a better read if only you stop repeating the sentences. The focus on the character backgrounds is too much its already annoying. Also, There is no sign of despair within the characters at all. I have read more narration of the characters thoughts than what should matter.
Also, Kyuubey does not run. He has no need to for theres alot of replacements.
Score would be 4/10 (below average). I hope to see you improve on the next chapter