|Reviews for Undisclosed Desires|
| Noble Wielder chapter 1 . 11/3
Loved reading this, particularly that last paragraph. It is nice to see the Outsider on the back foot for a change. I would love to read more about this... A different perspective perhaps?
Keep up the great work.
| The Fox Familiar chapter 1 . 2/19/2013
...You pretty much made The Outsider some creepy faggot that likes stalking people. Sick fuck.
He's a motherfucking SEA CREATURE. LOL BESTIALITY
| sisterof chapter 1 . 1/23/2013
Great start! I like the way you portrayed Corvo and his dialogue choices. As for the Outsider, he does come across as a bit needy since little happens between their conversations, making it look like the Outsider has little to do but stalk. However, the conversations themselves are quite good - specially the last one. One does not simply leave the Outsider sitting alone. ;)
Waiting for more!
| Serendipity's tears chapter 1 . 1/12/2013
An epic place to stop that leaves me wanting more! Oh how cruel art thou to sentince us to such... To be frank I really would love more than just a one shot. But it is such a good one, that I fear it might be ruined if the proper inspiration is lacking. Still I hope to find more. :D
| Aronim chapter 1 . 1/10/2013
This is great. You hit the tone well, scatter references to the game liberally without it being too much, allude vaguely to how the events went in this version and your Corvo is very, very interesting. And I really like how you made him talk but still showing him to be one who doesn't talk much.
Your Emily and Outsider are both great too, though the Outsider seems a little more touchy feely than he seemed in the game, though I guess that comes with making him interested-interested in Corvo.
The comment that he "talked more before Jessamine was killed" is brilliant in its simplicity, especially because it makes me think that the reason he was silent in the game was from pain and turmoil.
It's funny how the small part in italics sounds like the heart is pointed at Corvo. Well done.
You have a few places where you have forgot a word or missed a letter, like where you write "he too her hand" and a few other places. Also, a few places you use present instead of past tense for no reason. A quick reading through this should allow you to get rid of those few errors and make this grammatically perfect.