|Reviews for Harry Potter and the Deus Ex Machina|
| PlanetZero chapter 23 . 5/1
I'm going to take a shot in the dark and guess that the person who made the wish was actually Lily Potter. Makes sense.
I love how this story handles secrets. Personally, I think that secrets are a necessity in a good story. But that is more to do with the genres that I like. All of your secrets, ie where Harry lives, Regulus's identity as the phantom and later his involvement with Mi6, who Lord Black is and the whole Rookwood affair, are completely justifiable and necessary (from the character and audience's point of view) to their goals.
I have seen some stories where the whole plot is centred around keeping one secret, or a bunch of closely related secrets that all fall apart in one way or another. Whether or not the outcome is favourable the tension is gone or replaced with something completely different that shifts the tone and goals. Here you don't have that problem, because the secrets themselves are not the point. It is all just a means to an end.
I think that the pacing of this story could be better. You basically started with harry. Completely understandable. Then shifted to Regulus, who, despite this whole thing trying to be about Harry and Sirius, I think that Regulus is the main character. He is the one who does the planning, who we spend the most time with, get most invested in, who is in contact with Mi6, who tries to get Sirius out of Azkaban, protects Harry to the best of his ability, has the space mentor, drives most of the plot and has most of the secrets. And somehow, the only conclusion he has is seeing his plans come together from the background.
Nothing like Sirius rebuilding and reuniting with the family he proudly walked away from, not like Harry who had to overcome the feeling of having a family for the first time and nothing like even Marius who was able to get grudging respect from the family he was thrown out of. The biggest emotional closure we get from him is his fight and reunion with Sirius in the middle of the book. But even that is undermined by the fact that all turns into making Sirius sorry for thinking of Harry as James' replacement.
It's kind of ironic that Regulus's emotional role exists only to further Sirius' development.
I think that this story would have been easier to follow and more satisfying separated into three (or four) defined arcs. 1: the prologue, exactly how it is. 2: Regulus's story where we have a solid and emotionally satisfying ending. 3: Sirius' story, his struggles with his family, and the build-up to his trial. 4: Harry's story, where he goes through the emotional roller coaster of emotions of being spied on and relocated to a new world with a family that ACTUALLY LOVES HIM.
I love and am fully invested in Regulus's character. I love that he wins through trickery, disappearing, and making the actions of Voldemort (port keys) and Dumbledore (Harry's watchers in Mi6) inert in such a way that they never figure out exactly how. I'm completely FINE with the fact that we never see really get defeated because I didn't come here to see awesome characters be completely beaten down. I came here to watch the drama unfold. And it did. SPECTACULARLY.
I would have liked him to get some proper closure.
That is not to say that I want this to be changed. In my opinion, fanfiction is a way to experiment, see what works and what doesn't. And redoing something often changes so completely that it had lost the charm it had in the first place. I loved the Regulus in this story. That's part of the reason that I wrote this monster of a review.
I really want to see this story continue. I can understand that starting a new story when one just wrapped up is daunting. I can even understand that you no longer see the logic behind some of the decisions, or want to move on to something new. But please don't forget that we don't come here for real-world logical stories. If it is consistent, follows its own rules, is written extremely well and doesn't offend anyone, excellent! You passed. If we are going to start pointing fingers, saying that he would never be able to out-think Dumbledore, or that the characters are to OOC and powerful, then, my friend, just remember arguing over realism in a world with magic, is dumb.
And I can't believe that I just wrote 785 words, reviewed, edited, and revised and still completely directionless. My English teacher would be horrified.
| Royslady51 chapter 8 . 4/18
You write with the power of a thunderstorm, combined with the grace of an American White Ibis.
| katkeller1221 chapter 2 . 4/5
| taxzombie chapter 1 . 3/30
Reading this at work. Just a reminder so I can find it at home. heh. Looking forward to checking it out
| BadAZKenB chapter 15 . 3/25
Wow. Although the concurrent time turner use meshing the storyline in unexpected ways that I refuse to try to untangle in my mind, this story ROCKS!
It's a very welcome change from a fanfic that merrily follows canon with a few tweaks. An incredible world building tale from a unique perspective.
Now on to story! Thank you for publishing.
| PopeyeKw chapter 14 . 3/24
Wow indeed. Go, Marius! Marius is awesome!
| SpeedisArmour chapter 8 . 3/21
Chapter 8. is the trial.
| SpeedisArmour chapter 8 . 3/21
Very good trial chapter.
And different enough to be quite entertaining.
| Devilking1994 chapter 2 . 3/7
What the hell did I just read? I'm sorry but that was Gibberish I could not understand anything that was going on here...
| cerulean369 chapter 23 . 3/3
Simply put, this was hands down wonderful. Thank you so much for writing this stuff. I cannot wait to see what happens in the sequel! :)
| Guest chapter 17 . 2/19
I however think you have great ideas, complicated but i love the fanfic. It is really one of the better ones out there. It is really good. I read this a long time ago and am re reading it. And it is still very good. Black mask like Fay suggested is also good but essentially two different set ups. Here the mother is the villian. So Regulus is not angry or feels betrayed by his brother unlike many othe fics. The thing is he never stopped loving his brother. Why is that so hard for Fay to understand i dont know. The character building is adequate any less would be JK Rowling and anymore the other drawn out lengthy fics. One can even see the apathy of the black elders by relating to the world situation today... the apathy of most people to the right thing and bare costs when it comes to issues like climate change and racism. Doing something and changing the status quo will cost alot of discomfort and actually effort. I think itvis a damn good fiction ev. But what i still dont get is...how did Sirius get the trial in the first place. Who initiated? How did he get the trial.
| Fay chapter 4 . 2/11
Would also like to add that if you would like to read a story with a similar premise (regulus lives, Black family interactions, Sirius and Reg figuring stuff out) but far better written, perhaps for a demonstration on what I mean by emotional conflict and development, then read 'Black Mask' and 'Into the Black'. Perhaps you can find some inspiration there and can edit this story. Other readers should check them out too because they are fantastic and the characterization is probably the best I've ever read on this site.
| Fay chapter 3 . 2/11
Changed my mind, I'm pretty sure I never finished this and gave up and I can see why. This is so contrived. Regulus is already OP and it's literally chapter 2. It makes the story hideously boring when that happens, especially with not even a little bit of character building to go with it. Where are his emotions? Where is his inner conflict? How can he not miss Grimmauld Place at all? Logically, the place was no good for him but emotions aren't logical- it was his home and what he knew and strived to protect, it represents the love he desperately tried to earn from his parents, it represent the legacy of the Blacks that landed on him when Sirius left... Grimmauld Place is the difference between the brothers, one left it and one stayed. He has also abandoned his lone mother to madness, after so long of vying for her attention.
Your attempts at emotion are very clumsy. Regulus' nonsensical justifications for not seeing Sirius fall flat on many levels. It smacks of you needing a reason for the plot go the way you want it, but being incapable of making it seem like something Regulus would actually say or do. Not only that, but the MANNER of delivery, as some angry shouting speech, was so jilted and irregular not only from what we know of the character, but of the situation. Regulus as we know him would have had impeccable manners (particularly to his elders and hosts) and have been incredibly closed off- he doesn't NEED to justify anything. If you had had him say something along those lines, that it's his decision and he'd see him when he's ready, it would have sounded far more natural. Then you could divulge his reasons to the reader as an internal monologue.
Furthermore, the apparating around to pace actually made me laugh. It's a very common trope to have characters pace, and sometimes it works, but I have yet to see anyone pace in my whole life, and I've seen some sh1t. And to have him apparate at the same time? Apparating in front of people is supposed to be extremely rude. It's why you apparate to the front door and knock, and don't just pop into the living room. I find it hard to believe that the perfect son doesn't know that. It's also a laughable attempt to remind us how absolutely fab he is at apparating. We KNOW- you said! You don't need to put on a little show. And also that he would become unaware of his surroundings and get lost in his thoughts so visibly. This is the slytherin and occlumens that was in Voldemorts inner circle. He has mastered self-control. If he ever gets lost in his thoughts, it probably privately and without any outward signs. Sigh.
These are just a few things that have bothered me. As well as what I said before, that you're trying to make Regulus seem extra clever by having him go on a little lecture about things readers can hardly follow or CARE to follow. Just say that he's clever and give some subtle clues, we'll take your word for it. You have all the subtlety of a bull in a china shop.
I'm a little disappointed because the segment from Harry's point of view was very sweet. I actually audibly 'awwed' when he had a conversation with the spiders in his cupboard. I have a feeling this story probably gets more bearable as it goes on but I don't know if I can stand to get any further. Perhaps I have very high standards. I'll try to get as far as I can but you really have managed to hit every one of my biggest pet peeves. All that's left is to somehow include goblins making them filthy rich and calling them 'Lord/God/Duke Gryffindor/Hufflepuff/Heir of Hogwarts and 10 other families we never knew', having Harry be some sort of child prodigy, bashing the Weasley's, or having everybody know better than Albus Dumbledore who despite his questionable decisions is still the most powerful/wise wizard of the time.
| Fay chapter 2 . 2/10
I'm pretty sure I've read this story before, and since I'm a sucker for the Black brothers I probably really liked it. You're very talented but you've made the common mistake of assuming your readers understand what you're saying as well as you do. The whole segment with the mystical being is practically impossible to follow. I got the general gist, and I fancy myself quite intelligent, but I shouldn't have to work to understand the story. It could really do with some editing. It's been some time since you wrote this so if you read back now you might understand what I mean. It's just very wordy and difficult and far too contrived. It sounds like somebody trying to be very clever, I'm sorry to say.
But it is only that segment, otherwise you show a really fantastic talent for writing. And the more I think about it, the more I'm sure I've read this whole story and very much enjoyed it, enough to finish it. Since I've forgotten it, I'm able to enjoy it once more, so thanks for that. But perhaps edit this chapter to make it more accessible, since it is only chapter 2 and I imagine it's enough to turn a lot of new readers away.
| Zyanadryn chapter 23 . 2/9