|Reviews for Child of the Storm|
| Rose May1 chapter 28 . 9/22
R u going to have harry fall in love in this
| AltirianFairyAlchemyst chapter 16 . 9/17
I want to know how the Shroud of Turin figures into this. Is Lucius in contact with old Nicodemus and his Nickelheads? Or did he hire the Church Mice to steal it?
| kaiser27 chapter 55 . 9/16
First I want to say that even with the problems your story has that I enjoy reading it. I am only going to criticize it so much because I want you to get better as a writer.
You have a serious problem of telling instead of showing and of going into long-winded tangents and in general with your characters dialogue and thoughts. These are problems that have appeared from the beginning of this fic until this chapter. I don't know if they get better later.
In the telling instead of showing, you have a problem of characters repeatedly thinking or saying that other characters have X, Y and Z characteristic, but you don't show or at least shows very sparingly that these characters have X, Y and Z characteristic.
This is specially true of Harry. You have characters repeatedly (and this is another problem, the number of times your characters repeat this) thinking and saying that Harry is charismatic and a number of other things but you don't show this much and when you do, sometimes you don't show it that well.
This is a serious problem that doesn't appear as serious in your fic because you're writing fanfic and so readers have the original works you're drawing from to characterize characters in their heads.
Another problem is that sometimes in a scene you have characters go into a completely tangential and multiple paragraphs long dialogue or train of thought that completely derails the scene you're writing.
There's also the problem that a lot of dialogue between characters in your story seems to devolve into paragraphs long lectures from one character to another, be it about their life story, someone else's life story, moral lessons or anything else.
Last, you have a problem of being long-winded. This ties back into the lecture dialogue that you seem to use a lot and in the tangents that you can have your character go into, be it in thought or dialogue, but also in having your characters go into long trains of thought about something in a situation they are in that can be detrimental to the scene you're writing, specially in scenes where tension is important.
| Aura chapter 80 . 9/15
Y'know, for the Jedi joke from Carol, Harry could've responded with something along the lines of "I'm not a Jedi because I'm too emotional" (just more Harry-ized). Jedi, after all, have the whole 'have no emotion or at least carefully moderate your emotion' thing going on (depending on which Jedi you ask).
Not my first time reading all 80 chapters, I'm just really bad at wording reviews (and also highly distractible). Too lazy atm to go make myself an account, and don't feel like revisiting my old one.
That all aside, you do really good work. 'Tis extremely rare to see work of nearly this quality in even published books, let alone a place like fanfiction dot net.
Now, I must apoof (probably off to the sequel - I was rereading this to remind myself of all the context for the sequel's latest updates), as it is Oh-my-God'o'Clock in the morning and coherency isn't my strong point atm.
| Lizard21 chapter 24 . 9/15
So I tried looking up previous reviews for the chapter so I wouldn't step on anyone's toes by guessing what's already been guessed. I believe that Wanda actually had twins and since she was what was it oh an apprentice to sorcerer supreme she was time travel and placed them in different points of the time stream as to confuse people Lily and Jean Gray. If you happen to read this and I am anywhere near the park you know a heads up would be nice or I'll be able to read the next many chapters and go yes I knew it. also just to let you know I like a door this entire series and will continue to read and read the next sequel after it
| skylargillilan chapter 49 . 9/14
yea I really dont think he needs to be thinking about the god butcher right now
| dragonfox123 chapter 80 . 9/13
Amazing chapters and development story line
| pandora1232 chapter 1 . 8/30
This probably isn't the best thing to be reading when I'm supposed to be sleeping, cause I've let out little giggles all over the place. This is funny, and I can't wait to read more.
| JohnDouglas4274 chapter 15 . 8/30
"Professor Gruber"? Nice 3rd-wall break referencing Alan Rickman's film career.
| Athrium chapter 11 . 8/23
didnt finish this chapter, but im out, youve completely broken any power scaling or comparison. honestly, the fucking basic bitch bucky killing a nundu and chimera? kill yourself.
| ProfessorMarauder chapter 1 . 8/22
Let's enjoy the ride then
| Guest chapter 80 . 8/16
I have just reread this. ️️ Thank you so much
| Lavar chapter 76 . 8/4
Just wanted to say that I was finishing this chapter out and just happened to have Spotify serve up "Portals" from the Endgame soundtrack right at the appropriate time to hit the note at the end at just the right part. Probably one of my top fanfic moments ever right there.
| Jaezmyn chapter 8 . 8/1
Harry seems OOC, all that sass and obsession with exploding things lol And boy am I waiting to read about Sirius, I mean seriously, where is he?
Also, this is how I expect people (Loki here) to act/ react after committing something unforgivable. You do your best to atone. You don't go around hating on a child and holding petty grudges to an extent where you don't care if the person you hold a grudge against dies a needless horrifying death while toting your guilt like a badge and helping save a life because you think that life will one day avenge the woman you think you loved. Snape is therefore someone I can never entirely admire. Your actions shouldn't be borne out of a need to do it 'for' someone else, you do what you can with a sense of absolute responsibility for your own actions.
I read your profile and I completely agree with your analysis of Snape and while I don't believe in changing for someone and doing things of moral value for someone else - because I believe you do those things if you have a smidgen of self-respect and love for yourself and that you can only truly love another if you're capable of loving and accepting yourself completely - I do concur on the rest of the points you raised about Snape's behaviour (obsessive fixation of Lily, etc).
| zainabdiggie chapter 24 . 8/1
I'd say it's Hermione but who knows