|Reviews for Sissi Delmas and the Wonderful World of Lyoko|
| X59 chapter 4 . 4/15
This is interesting.
| Superherofan721 chapter 4 . 7/17/2014
Tbh, I thought you discontinued this fanfic but I'm happy to finally read that you haven't. Anyway, I hope Sissi will finally realize that she needs more people in her little group if she ever wants to beat XANA. Ahem, cough cough. Jeremie!
| JanessaVR chapter 4 . 7/16/2014
Hey! Happy to see an update here. I feared this one one was long dead.
| E.K chapter 4 . 7/16/2014
Why did that post?
Any way Herve having a better role than being a recurring side kick is nice. Also he could e a far more potent threat with how smart he is. Possibly put things together even with the Returns.
'Hervé turned to the solemn face of Nicholas, who he'd almost forgotten was there.'
Alas, most everyone forgets Nicholas was there.
'"Boredom, I guess," he said.'
Well there is a chance that will be alleviated.
'The good news threatened to burst from Sissi, held back just long enough for her to contemplate whether she still had reservations about pouring her heart and soul into Aelita. She realised, pleased with herself, that she didn't.'
Well she realizes deep down she does indeed have a best friend.
'"What does it mean, to be in love?" Aelita asked.'
Development of the cognitive continues, glorious.
'She tried to convey the importance of it, how deeply unsettling the entire thing had been, but one look at the exasperation strewn across Jim's face told her she had failed.'
The first of many. One cannot envy her descent into peril coming from any quarter.
'So much for keeping secrets. At this rate, she was going to blab to the whole school, and she still hadn't told anyone who mattered. It was a silly fear holding her back, she realised, the desire not to tell Ulrich out of a sense of rejection, the inevitable bonding between him and Aelita. Maybe if he didn't bring Della Robbia long, if it was just the two of them... She considered briefly introducing Odd and Aelita, romantically, before she remembered the impracticalities of double-dating when one of the parties was an artifical intelligence; not too mention she would be doing a terrible disservice as a friend by putting Aelita in a situation where she had to put up with Odd.'
Now isn't that interesting? First of all some self awareness on her own fear. That fear will seem less silly when she realizes the situation would call on the authorities to pull Aelita's plug. And even matchmaking for her friend.
And again with Jeremie. Fate seems to be pulling them towards an alliance. He would get a nice kiss from Sissi for getting Aelita access to Sissi's room via the computer.
'"I thought I heard your voice! Haven't seen you in a single gym class all week, and I'm not about to let you get away with it a minute longer! Except, uh... I just need to take a look at this, and I'll be out in a minute. But don't go wandering off, you hear?"'
Classic Jim there.
'Up close, Sissi could see his eyes had little flecks of darker brown in them.'
'She took it gratefully, pushed it back into place so that her hair was smoothed back once more from her forehead. The soft look to her face lessened slightly, the light bringing more attention to her darkly outlined eyes.
"Thanks. I did wonder where that had gone." She gave the kind of pause one does when they're hesitating to add something else and then decide the better of it. Ulrich couldn't guess; at the least he would never have guessed, "Aelita said it was a nice change, having my hair down like that."'
Seems he kind of regrets returning it. Likes her better without it. And Sissi is considering Aelita's opinion quite heavily.
'He couldn't breach the topic without sounding vain, there was no way around it, but she had seemed less and less occupied with him lately. It was a relief, a weight lifted, but it did give him cause to wonder. Maybe she liked someone else? Odd?'
Smart lad. I do like the idea of her paired with Odd myself.
And the books show she is trying to better understand her new life and friend. And reveal yet more the change is experiencing. That Ulrich can see it, with all his preconceived notions says a lot. i wonder when her father will catch on. A bit awkward if she lets slip and he wants to meet this new friend that has apparently helped his daughter grow.
'He had the sense that maybe he was; that this strange new reading material, the preoccupied thoughts, were slowly edging out the Sissi Delmas that he knew and gently ushering in a new and undeniably intriguing girl in her place. This was a thought that stayed with him, long after time became concentrated, narrowed and shaped into an evening of study.'
Hmm, hmm. As is often the case the dogged pursuit fails and the natural flow might take you were yo wanted to go through a different route than expected. With Aelita she is no longer socially starving, therefore her actions and self presentation have become less quietly desperate. It may no even be a change so much as the deeper self buried by that desperation emerging.
And Aelita now we cone to the girl in the machine.
Her connection to Lyoko is presented intriguingly. Her compulsion strikes me as almost like Lyoko's immune system. Able to rest content in the towers (glands) but when Xana infect Lyoko she is compelled to act as the antigen.
That Aelita has a project is nice. And how the different areas affect her emotional stare is fascinating.
'Since the very beginning, Aelita could not articulate this to Sissi. It was too abstract; trying to describe it was akin to trying to catch water through spread fingers. Lyoko called out to her, the same way she had clasped her hands and fallen to her knees and begged it for help – in return it ached to be explored, cried out for Aelita's soft touch on its ledges of rock and its mossy trees. Alone for such long spells of time, she began to feel antsy and impatient, her senses straining to satisfy this wordless desire for contact. She suspected on some level, given her origins, a programme played on a loop – felt more though, that there was something instinctive about the whole thing.'
Lyoko years for its inhabitant to experience it. After all Dr. Hopper created it as a world for her to live in.
As much as breaking her promise to Sissi may hurt her, it is good that she is independent despite her need for Sissi in socializing at this point. She doe have a purpose.
And the red shrouded tower, the first of many raised as a banner of war and disaster.
Honestly I was disappointed at the end. As good as this chapter was we seem to come right to the brink of the plunge. This seems the end of the intro arc and the next one begins the war with Xana in earnest. Seeing Sissi's Lyoko form for instance. Hmm, I know guess her form with have her hair down.
But yearning for more aside I am happy to have this. From experience I know sometimes a chapter has a natural ending and trying to push it is no good for anyone. So I say good work, and I hope to see more from you in the future.
| wingofpain chapter 4 . 7/16/2014
Even though nothing of interest truly happened...it was still great.
The character development truly is great, I can only wonder what will happen next and what you plan to do with the characters.
But at last, they will suffer...err, I mean the action will begin soon
I do wonder if the pairing will be sissi/jeremie...(few chance that it happened but that would be an interesting pairing...probably).
Until next time and glad that this fic continue
| Eduard Kassel chapter 4 . 7/16/2014
Patience is rewarded. Welcome back.
Now where to begin?
As I have come to expect you do great job weaving the world even in mundane moments. The lethargy in the class even the teacher is palpable. Frankly I am a bit envious. The small details are what bring these stories truly to life.
'Ulrich's nose crinkled as he was hit with a waft of sweet, but slightly overbearing, perfume. When she smiled and tucked her hair coyly behind her ear, he couldn't quite resist the urge to roll his eyes.'
The sensory data and the small level of interaction as this bit shows well. Scent is one of the intimate senses I have been told. Perhaps in this case showing ho Ulrich does not deny her sweetness but her overzealousness keep her from being appealing to him? Just seeing a possible metaphor there.
It was also a relief when Ulrich went on the Study date, at least he is not pitting his dislike before academics.
Note I am not a fan of these two as a couple but a real relationship could benefit them both immensely, at least resolve what can exist between them. But if you do go that direction, you strike me as someone that could pull it off.
Honestly I expected Sissi to miss the study date for a Lyoko emergency. But there is time enough for that I suppose.
It stood out to me that Sissi dismissed the pink skirt in the name of comfort despite the perceived sex appeal it would provide. Shows a value for herself.
And then of course her fantasy of Aelita in her room helping her et ready for a date. It strikes me how non egocentric these fantasies are. Aelita talking on a phone, distracting herself with tossing a pillow, and Sissi even thinking up a human origin for her. Her desire for a friend is not just personal, she seems to want Aelita to have a life of her own too. She is has more depth than she herself appreciates.
'It was the last of the nice days, though no one knew it yet.'
Well tat is rather menacing. And most of them ill not even realize what dark times they are living in. Always struck me that waging a secret war would wear on them more than the show indicated.
'She had forgotten her headband. Ulrich spotted it as his eyes fell to the desk; he hesitated over it, then reached down and put it in his pocket.'
The loss of the headband is interesting. The fact she looks better and more her age without it. Perhaps it is symbolc of her not trying to be something, but instead 'just being'? Ulrich takes it but does not return it. He likes her better without it. Perhaps it is his desire to see who she is without all the ruffles and flourishes she tries to wrap herself up in?
'"Well, it seemed kind of far-fetched at first, and I still don't really know if I got it right, what I thought it did. Now though, I'm thinking, what if you took it to Mrs Hertz? Or, even..." His face flushed with excitement, "We could even try and send it to some theoretical physics expert! We could get famous! Imagine it, 'the Pichon Law of Time Reversion'. Or, 'Pichon-Delmas Law', I guess."'
Well tht is some definite additional motive along with Sissi and curiosity.
| wingofpain chapter 3 . 5/26/2014
Interesting to use Sissi Delmas in a what if story. She is well in her character, so I wonder what could happen now.
| Rinshi chapter 1 . 3/28/2014
please continue this now
| LyokoDoReMi chapter 3 . 2/14/2014
I realized, as I went to get a quick ship fix from another story, I never read this last chapter.
What was I thinking?
Once again, your writing is so admirable. You are able to flesh out every character for exactly who they are: smart, but a bit cruel; thick, in his own world; smart, shy, lonely: everyone is written really well. This "what if" scenario just seems so real as well: I honestly can't imagine Ulrich getting along with Odd if not for Lyoko, and you wrote that so well. Honestly, looking through this, I can find very few flaws. Here's hoping that you continue this one day, as it is a marvelous story.
| Almighty Tallest Angie chapter 3 . 9/6/2013
| JanessaVR chapter 3 . 7/29/2013
A *fantastic* what-if scenario. Will track this now and eagerly await further chapters. I always considered Sissi an under-developed character in the series. They started giving her character development, then went back on that, then went forward again, and then finally sort-of-concluded that in a bit of a rush by the end of the series. There are a few scenarios where Sissi finds out about the supercomputer here and there, but they're rare. Which is too bad, as it's an underutilized scenario for CL.
| Eduard Kassel chapter 3 . 7/20/2013
I wasn't sure avbout it at first but this works. It fits for her thiughts to be a bit disjointed. Good job describing he monsters throught this as well, know desrcibing an estabnlished aspect can be both hard and tiresome. Reversing it from a visual into a wriiten format, and wondering if is worth it since every fan kows what they look like.
'"Don't stop! Run!"'
'This is it, she thought. Sissi, goodbye-'
Sweet, made a bit amusing by the anticlimax.
I can imagine her grabbing the screen as idf that would help. How horrifying to be so helpless in suich a situation. I get the feeling she will not hesitate much to be scanned.
'she anticipated pain and felt only an vague approximation of it. The real danger was in the way the shot threw off her balance and Aelita held out her hands instinctively in front of her as she was pushed forward, through the gnarled wall of the tower.'
Fascinating a reasonable fascimile of pain? i wonder if it would be likewise for m,ore comforting phyical sensation? Or if Professor Hopper deliberately took an edge off of pain?
'The forest had vanished. All around her, there was ice.'
A number of dicoveris are made by accident.
'That evening and all of the next day, the newly discovered Ice sector was all Sissi could think about. She had had to leave soon after their adventure, and she made Aelita promise to stay put until she could return to the factory as she wanted them to explore this new realm together. Sissi had been so distracted, and rather more tired than she wanted to admit, that she barely even noticed when Mrs Hertz paired her with Ulrich for their next long-term project.'
It wouold seem she has not quite realized her priorities have radically hifted. I wonder if Ulrich has noticed hurt obsession dimng or fails to note a change? I am guessing Odd will point it out, and being Odd he will want to know why.
'Unsurprisingly – to Sissi anyway, who was used to this – the two weren't really all that different.'
This sums up the encoumnter and realtionship quite neatly. I don't feel there is anything more to add on this that hasn't been said by others.
'It was beginning to feel as though she had known her forever. Was this what having a best friend felt like? Or was it only friendship if you knew for sure the other person actually liked you?'
True change is slow, and often painful. it can seem o occur quickly but the long tem results of change do not coalesce until cooling occurs from the heat of the act in my understanding.
'"Aren't you afraid?" Sissi asked her, after they exchanged pleasantries and Aelita stepped out into the icy realm, a world decked in white and frosty blue. There was a certain energy in the air – everything about this particular visit to the factory felt directed and focused, preparation for a mission.
Aelita shrugged. "A little. I can always go back to the tower, and you're here. It'll be okay."'
Ah, a true intro to courage. Abd the discovery of purpose in a life once adrift.
On a tangent that reminds me of Ronin. The word actually means 'adrift' i read. Despite the mythology surrounding them Ronin were seen as inherently tragic because they were adrift without the purpose hat comes with giving llegiance and being accepted as a vassal.
'There's lots of caves and icebergs here, so if any monsters come it'll be easy to hide.'
Starting to think strategically. Simple strategy biut one must begin before one can progress.
'Aelita knew what to do.
She struggled to her knees, bent her head and clasped her smooth palms together. She felt the ground beneath her and heard a sound, a high-pitched, almost angelic melody, that thrummed in harmony with the virtual world; she realised gradually that the sound was her own voice, singing to the land, at once praising it and asking it for help.'
Creativity never seemed he proper term. It looked and seemed more like a prayer. The princess linked to the land. Tragic that Lyoko exists as a prison, you can almost see the potential for so much more. Xana truy is a machine, a humasnwould have done something more with rich templates like this.
'"None of these towers are any different. Sissi, what's going on?"'
A moment of despair.
'"Answers," she replied without hesitation. "Other humanoid lifeforms. Perhaps a way to escape Lyoko, if there is one."'
Mission goals established.
'Sissi felt irrationally angry, but it was only with herself for being so useless.'
This fear will becomr danggerous when others enter the equation.
'There were no tryouts.'
Few victories are more hollow than ones by default. no tryouts means she can't take any pride in getting in.
'"Kaaaaadic!" He mimed the dramatic flinging of the baton, and finished with a bow. "Hey, don't I get a round of applause for that great performance?"'
Sorry Odd this crosses he lne for bullying. I have a long held sensitivity for people being publically humiliated.
The tutoring is a great way for them to bond. it will certainly help Sissi believe i herself a bit more. Though i see her father wonderin at her improvement. She slips a friend heped her, which leads to the obvious invitation . . .
'Later that night, Sissi dreamed dreams threaded through with the colour pink, about small hands reaching out to her through soft white mist. In her dreams, too, she heard a sound like a video tape being rewound backwards, and she awoke feeling strange though she did not remember why.'
No offense to jeremie but Sissi will defitely give a different otutlook. We masy see Aelita's post materialization development earlier with exposure broader than science. And why is she dreaming abit Returns?
Intriguing with Herve. I see him going lie the canon Sissi. He will not be let in by virtue of whistleblowing. I think it would be partly to protect Sissi, but still. He would be a mre credible threat, more likely to string events and inconsistencies together.
'She was late to her meeting with Aelita.
This... it was none of her business, anyway.'
There is an obvious route here. Bt i wonder if I am correct. Wonder how Jeremie wouldrespond to a 'popular girl'? Distrust is most likely. The notes would intrigue him though.
And Xana's process revealed. What is his goal here?
| Eduard Kassel chapter 2 . 7/14/2013
'Sissi burst into the classroom forty five minutes late and, on reflection, this was a bad idea.'
Nothing quite like human error to open on.
'She took one look at Sissi and, in that quiet, deadpan way that's more threatening than a shouted reprimand because it means you're in deep trouble and the worst is yet to come, the maths teacher simply said;
A strong start, and a reminder of the potency of the 'real' world in this tale. Even if the consequences do not measure up to Xana standards, they are quite real.
'"I hate maths anyway," '
I like Sissi going to clean herself up. it fits the character and just plain males sense. She can't anything about being in trouble, but she can feel better by making herself presentable to her standards. If doing that compounds the trouble she isn, that is probably seen as a fair tradeoff.
'For the tiniest moment the lights flickered. Sissi blinked, and when her eyes opened the room was fully lit again.'
'"Oh well," she said. "I'll go and get yelled at later.'
This had me laughing.
'"Without the evidence-" Odd began.
"Oh, come on!" Sissi exclaimed. "Are you saying I'm lying?"
In Odd's defense it is a valid point. But would Sissi have been in the state she had been earlier for any other reason?
'"Shut up, both of you. Sissi, I don't care if you won the dare or not. I'm still not going on a date with you."'
Harsh Ulrich. Being used as collateral like that is reason to be peeved, but still a little manners in would go better. Especially since Sissi is clearly already having a bad day.
'How impressed Ulrich would be when he found out what she'd discovered! She was so close to having him notice her, really notice her. Sissi opened her mouth, the words on her lips.'
This is sad right from the start.
But it gets worse.
'"Woah, a supercomputer and a cute chick," Odd would say. Aelita would put a hand to her mouth and smile. Odd would be spurred on immediately, turning on the charm. Suddenly Sissi would be nudged out of the way, somehow shifted from the chair, somehow excluded from this trio, and it would be Odd and Ulrich excitedly asking questions.'
Here Sissi is clearly projecting. I doubt Aelita would understand the flattering.
'Aelita would say something and Ulrich would laugh (Sissi could never make him do that!) and Odd would add some quip. Aelita wouldn't even glance in Sissi's direction. Then the barbs would start.'
Jealousy and paranoia. Despite her vocal claims, this confirms Sissi has very low self esteem, in her own head she is the loser. She sees Aelita as superior to her and trading up at the first opportunity. But even more disturbing is she does nothing in the fantasy but sadly concede as she is mocked and belittled.
I could see this happening in Sissi bashing stories.
It makes me wonder what happened to establish this view.
'Sissi shook her head. "Nothing, really. Just a load of old junk."
Odd pouted. "Trust you not to find anything actually interesting, Delmas."'
Oh Odd, casual cruelty may have just cost you a shot at wonder. As for Sissi, when she shares the secret, it will be an epic deal. To her mind it will be giving up a friend so that friend can survive I think.
'On the desk were a pile of half-finished doodles in pink pen, wonky depictions of a messy-haired girl with pointy ears, which were eventually swept carelessly into her bag. '
At first I thought this was a foreshow of her Lyoko form. Then I realized it was Aelita she was drawing. Well done.
'She pressed her forehead against the glass, relishing the smooth coolness of it. The students of Kadic Academy talked amongst themselves, the sounds of a hundred conversations mingling into a pleasant buzz, punctuated by the occasional shout or laugh.'
Now this made me take notice. Atmosphere and really building the world. So few on this site appreciate the grandeur that can exist in normalcy. I fall short there myself, too prone to playwright style epic prattling rather than bricklaying of a true story-craftsman.
'Sissi's gaze slid out of focus, resettling eventually on the foliage by the window. A bee hovered by the rose bushes, its tiny legs clinging tightly to a cluster of the soft pink petals. Something disturbed it and it jerked away, rising and falling gently in the air until it found its footing once more on the next flower, and Sissi couldn't help but admire the intricacy of the roses, the way the tightly curled inner petals seemed to spin... and they were spinning, slowly, the miniscule shadows cast by the overlapping petals darkening into something else, drawing Sissi deeper and deeper as the blossom itself swelled into a perfect orb with rings at its centre-'
Well well. What have we here? I take it rose's will be part of her Lyoko theme? I wonder if her insecurities will manifest somehow, maybe a hood over her head? I analyzed the appearance of the warrior related to character while thinking over Sissi's form. I wonder how you will manifest your Sissi.
The cheerleading baton may be something. Projectile weapons like Yumi?
'Another time, she would have waited around for Ulrich until after his Pencat Silat practise. For now though, all Sissi really wanted to do was talk to Aelita.'
This was surprise and a nice one. A scene where Sissi is not featured in most of it. You really are writing a Lyoko story rather than just a Sissi one. Nicely in character.
And the butterflies start with her line singled out above. Already her friendship is taking priority over her obsession.
"'So, go on the date. Buy her a hot chocolate, listen to her ramble about her hair for half an hour, make out with her and leave."
"Why don't you go on the date if you're so keen on it. By the sounds of it you'll be a real charmer as well, if you can even get her to look twice at you."
Odd didn't acknowledge the insult. "I promised her a date with you remember?"'
Ulrich's problem here is that he is not offering any explanation, other than he doesn't want too. Namely that if Sissi bugs him in the face of naked rejection, how much worse will she be if she thinks she is gaining ground? Odd might understand that. maybe offer the advice of giving Sissi a chance and maybe he will lose the allure she has for him. In other words an unremarkable date to disillusion here.
Ah but boys at that age. Reason and rational explanations are not the top of heir lists.
'"Sissi!" Aelita seemed pleased to see her at least, her face lighting up as Sissi came into view on her interface. "I was worried about you."
Again, touching and sad.
And here we have the computer p.o.v. I was talking about.
'When Sissi had sufficiently rambled about her day she heaved and a sigh, shoulders slumped.'
And before this she had no one to vent to. I wonder if having this different intro to humanity will affect Aelita's growth at all?
Lyoko is beautiful. A pity Franz and Xana made a silent world though.
'"I wish there was something I could do to help you."'
'Sissi considered this for a moment. What was it she had heard once? 'Most of the stuff you delete from a computer is never really deleted; much of it can still be recovered.' How much of herself, all her thoughts about Ulrich and the million other things, did she want to divulge to this artificially intelligent girl? Aelita, along with the supercomputer itself, would become the vessel of all of her secrets. Not to mention that becoming friends with a computer programme was still a bit too weird.
"Nothing," Sissi said. "It's nothing at all."/
Again you miss a pitfall with dexterity. She is still slow to trust. People do not change quickly. Seeming about faces usually com from a long build up finally being catalyzed. Sissi is hungry for friendship, but her paranoid instinct of protection is not going to go down so easily.
'Even before the question had fully left her mouth, the lasers began to fire. Aelita didn't hestitate; the screen spun rapidly around and Sissi, hands over her mouth, saw the ground rise and fall in bumpy motions as Aelita began to run. Behind her was the creaking of dozens of mechanical footsteps.
It was the first indication that not all was well with Lyoko.'
The war has begun.
| Eduard Kassel chapter 1 . 7/12/2013
'It was, without a doubt, the fifth or sixth absolute worst day in Sissi Delmas' entire life.'
Nice opener. maks uou wonder what made 4 through 1 on the list. It also seems very in character.
'Even over the phone, his voice sounded intolerably cheerful, though that was probably something to do with the fact that he was safe and warm in his dormitory whilst she stood outside facing howling wind and pouring rain.'
Ah technonlogy, letting you pester and annoy your fellow humans as never before!
'Sissi smirked at the long pause that followed, Odd obviously stuck for a witty response.'
Ah, savor victory when it is there. But don't get drunk on it. Always another battle to fight.
'She wasn't afraid, though. She couldn't be. If she did this, if she lasted the night in the old factory, Ulrich would be impressed for sure. She'd prove to him that she was a good sport, not the stuck-up, boring airhead he thought she was.'
I like the lads but I am sore at them over this. Sissi may be deluding herself, that an act like this will win Ulrich over, but sending a girl to an abandoned building alone at night? Not cool.
Also it shows that this really is an effort fo Sissi. She may not have seemed o motivated in the series fen, but unlike the warriors she had far less incentive. Basically super hero reponsibilty versus the stress and axety of a normal student. I think you will show her shine under the duress.
'Her entire make-up bag, a magazine, a bouncy ball, her diary and best pens... yet no torch or survival equipment.
Sissi blamed her father. He was never very good at packing either.'
Lovely! you are not faloling into any sue traps. Evn better the errors are perfectly believable. From her faiklure to really plan for her needs, to blaming her father. You are buildng fine foundations for her to grow on. You can feel how out of her depth she is.
And she revives the mahine for the most basic need, survival. Let the game begin.
'Like upright coffins, she thought.
Perhaps with something already inside.
A violent shudder tore through her suddenly. Sissi felt vulnerable, standing in the middle of that eerie trinity, overwhelmed with the urge to escape.'
Good imagery. Not just the mood but Sissi's perception, she is alone in a scary place having just been attacked. Her mind will be lending everythng menace.
The sound flew from her mouth of its own accord; she had becoming so used, in the last few hours, to being afraid. Anticipating creeping, lurking faces behind every corner, her mind a tumult of emotions, whilst the rats yet lingered in her mind with fear making the memories sharper. All this, and coming unexpectedly face to face with another person was finally enough to push her over the edge. She stammered, eyes frozen on the screen, curled up in the computer chair with every muscle pulled taut, her heart once again hammering.'
Understandable again. You built up to this well.
'"I don't- there was this computer, and I just switched it on, and... Who are you?" asked Sissi.
"I... don't know."
There is somethng very cute about this.
"I think your name is Aelita."
Hmm, how did she figure that out quicker than Jeremy?
'Sissi squeezed her eyes closed in the pause that followed. When she opened her eyes she fully expected Aelita to have scoffed at the request and left.
She cracked her eyes open again, then slumped back in her chair. She had been wrong.'
Bingo. Aelita for all she has to put up with is kind soul. Even as a relative blank slate it seems.
'"You will? Th-Thanks." Sissi shook herself, steeling her composure to mask the fear and uncertainty, and continued boldly, "It's not like I'm scared or anything. It's just that I may as well have someone to talk to while I'm waiting around."'
Denial, like vbefore trying to convionce herself Odd was behind this. But its a gentler one.
Aelita's fear of Sissi shuttng down complument's Sissi's own fear nicely.
I recall a Lyoko story where Aelita thought of people and herself in techinal and mechanical terms. Could be an interesting angle to explore. Want me to track it down for you?
'But Sissi Delmas' heart was just a little lighter, because she had emerged victorious, with a new friend and a secret.
In the factory, in the darkest, gloomiest places where even the brightest rays of sunlight could never quite reach, something stirred.'
And so it all begins. The friendship and camraderie of adventure, but alsothe mortal peril of a darkness rising from is sleep.
I said earlier Sissi felt out of her debt. I still see that, but Wat to see her either swim or get taller. Not being a loner either, just as no one of the Warriors could have made it through the series.
A fine start.
| Eduard Kassel chapter 3 . 7/5/2013
Now this is what I like to see.
A fanfiction taking the story in a direction that lets characters develop in new ways. I have wanted to see a Sissi story like this for years. Not bashing or putting her in a 'better' light, instead trying to be faithful to the character. We saw in the series her better side, such as in crises; which were sadly reset keeping it from developing her role. Or that when Odd met her online, which took away preconceived notions, he saw her as a good prospect.
You seem set to tap that potential.
Her keeping the secret out of fear of losing a friend to other people is so sad. And so believable.
It looks like you are setting it up with Jeremy joining somehow. Possibly desperation on Sissi's part. I would still like to see the Warriors, after all as a team they had trouble and who else would be so effective and trustworthy. Not to mention it would be nice to give Aelita a chance to stand up for Sissi.
I will give more chapter specific reviews when I get back from my vacation. As it was I had to give you something before I went. Please do carry on, I would love to see what happens next.