|Reviews for My hearts Infatuation|
| god of all chapter 23 . 9/22/2013
Great chapter and story so far please continue this story soon.
| zare.downey.okumura chapter 23 . 9/17/2013
:'( Dont die L! Update soon!
| blabidi1634 chapter 22 . 9/10/2013
More more more :D
| Pollzy Claire chapter 22 . 9/4/2013
Bur! I like the author notes! You make me laugh! DONT TAKE MY HAPPINESS AWAY KAWAII! PLEASE!
| Blabidi chapter 21 . 8/30/2013
Oh yeah! And btw, I don't really care for WhiteLadyDragon and if they are trying to be a "super expert critic", or not. Maybe they are being genuine with their reviews, or they just like criticizing peoples work. Or they're just pessimistic like that. ANYWAY, I love this story and as I said before I will stand with my opinion. :))))
| Blabidi chapter 20 . 8/30/2013
Both new chaps are awesoooomme! As always :). And Koyuki, yeah I'm not exactly saying that she is wrong, shes right that this story could use some work, but again, that comes with experience. She's getting better with every chapter. As a fan, I want to oppose every critic I don't really agree with. That's just my opinion. People can bash me all they want, i don't care. I'll stand with my opinion that this story is nearly perfect. That's exactly what I would want L's girlfriend to be, and how this story is developing. Plus, this isn't the end, the story is yet to reveal things like why she can see shinigami and what is purpose of all other characters.
| Pollzy Claire chapter 21 . 8/30/2013
| Koyuki chapter 20 . 8/29/2013
Blabidi- I am sorry but I do not see what ladywhitedragon has said wrong. Everything she said was absolutely correct, as much as I do enjoy this story. And I can tell you from experience that she was not being harsh. Trust me, I've seen her other reviews, and they're much harsher. She's gotten more constructive, which I highly respect.
| Koyuki chapter 21 . 8/29/2013
Huge mistake. If that man died of a heart attack, everyone would know kira would have to be someone that knew about him:
a) knowing who kira was
b) was being interrogated by the task force
Which would immediately bring the spotlights towards light as the culprit. This is a huge mistake, I saw it instantly, anyone else might as well. I highly suggest fixing it.
| Pollzy Claire chapter 20 . 8/28/2013
0.0 what has C done?!
| zare.downey.okumura chapter 20 . 8/27/2013
CLIFFHANGER! WTF?! Did she just fall out the window? AAAA WHAT HAPPENED! Update soon please!
| ultimatekaibafan chapter 20 . 8/27/2013
they reviewed! And they never do say good things do they?
| Blabidi chapter 19 . 8/25/2013
Dear WhiteLadyDragon, if you do read this. First of all this is her first fan fic! She's not some "professional" like you. I get it , it's your opinion, and every opinion counts. And critic is useful too. Second of all, was made to be creative and imaginative. Her fanfic doesn't even have to follow the story. If she wants she can make light a freaking rapist if she wants, or instead of a 17 year old student into a 50 year old pedo. Same goes for L. Third of all, you are criticizing her story as if your stories are the best ever. I went on your profile and looked at some stories.. You barely get any reviews, and look how many reviews this one has! Almost all of them are positive. So many people like this story. Fourth of all, this story doesn't have to follow the original death note plot, it doest have to focus on the Kira case. Maybe C does care of the people who are dying and maybe she does contribute to the case but the author doesn't show it because it could just be a romance fic of C and L. Last of all, if you don't like it, don't read it, no one is forcing you. As for Candi's character, again, she doesn't have to act like a real human, if she want she can act like a cow. Seriously, that's how the author made her. Adios.
| Guest chapter 19 . 8/23/2013
PREGNANT?! WOW total plot change! ;) loved it!
| WhiteLadyDragon chapter 19 . 8/23/2013
So you want a review?
This story needs work, and a lot of it. Let me break it down. Mechanics-wise, you shouldn’t be inserting author’s notes or switching between POVs so abruptly, never mind using labels when you do; they break the flow of the story. You also need to proofread your work more carefully for grammar or spelling mistakes. Style-wise, your writing is very beige, very dull and dry. I can’t really get into the story as you mostly write about actions or dialogue.
Story- and character-wise is even worse. To be frank, I don’t like C. At all. She’s shallow, unoriginal, vulgar, and doesn’t act like a real human being. She’s a textbook Mary Sue. The backstory about her being raped at 11 years old doesn’t seem to serve any purpose except to garner sympathy, and it falls flat even in this regard because of how carelessly you’ve treated it. A character can be zany, but they should still have a good degree of realism to them. It’s disturbing that she doesn’t seem troubled by the fact that people are dying or have any moral conflict about the things L does on the case; if she does, she quickly forgets about it so she can jump L’s bones. For someone who’s supposed to be the 2nd greatest detective, she doesn’t exactly act the part, and parroting what L says does not count as super intelligence.
To make matters worse, she’s mutilating the characters of everyone else, especially L, Light and the task force. For God’s sake, Light might be a crazy serial killer, but he’s NOT a molester! I really don’t see what L OR Light could like about her, and there’s no way the task force would or could put up with her shenanigans, or the fact that she and L keep going off to boink each other. I dare to say that she’s even more obnoxious than Misa, especially when it comes to L.
And then there’s the plot. There is a plot, right? Is there is, it’s not focused and it’s full of holes. What was with her rapist calling her and why was that never addressed again? How is she able to see shinigami without touching the notebooks? How could she have had the Death Note before Light and why would she lose her memories of it if she supposedly never used it? Why not take L aside and tell him what she knows instead of being stupid and slutty like always?
And the pregnancy thing? Totally saw that coming. That always happens in these sorts of stories. I thought they would be smart enough to use protection? Actually, how did she even find out she was pregnant? That sort of just came up out of the blue.
And those are my two cents.