|Reviews for Oblivious|
| XLoversXMassacreX chapter 1 . 6/4/2013
Loved it entirely
| Death Note Fan chapter 1 . 1/15/2013
I love how all of the "falling" words take on a new meaning by the end of the poem. Keep up the good work!
| RaitoLawliet chapter 1 . 1/16/2013
This is… wow. I’m truly lost for words! I love the words you used for the rhyming scheme – not only does it flow smoothly but everything makes so much sense! In a way, the poem also corresponds with Romeo and Juliet (Juliet is said to be beautiful and naïve, an obedient daughter – the way that Misa is with Light. “Engaged to insanity”, Romeo commits a murder to be with Juliet – that would class him as insane. (This is really going nowhere, sorry xD) “Destined for disaster” – the ending of the play, “beckoning call” – when Juliet is “dead”, Balthazar beckons Romeo back to Verona. “He’ll never return” – Romeo has been banished from Verona, but also he dies, meaning that he’d never return to his life xD “Lair” – the tomb, “He’s gone. He’s dead. However will she fare” – When Juliet awakens, she sees Romeo die, and so then she dies, too. “Life didn't feel right” – when Juliet was forced to Marry Paris. “Lovely Light” – Romeo and Juliet do not need artificial light, they light up each other. They are in love with each other, propounding ‘lovely light’ xD) Sorry, that went really off track. I just thought that it was interesting:’)
There really isn't anything about this poem that you could possibly improve on; it’s outstanding! Well done! I like how you really capture Misa’s perspective of how Light’s treating her and how he’s dealing with the Kira case, using Misa as his ‘skivvy’. I love how you used “fatal fall”, it really corresponds with how she dies *weeps*.
Once again, well done! :D :D :D
| Schermionie chapter 1 . 1/15/2013
RhymeZone is the best. ;)
I was happy to see a poem about Misa as she's pretty much my favourite DN character. I think this encapsulated her story fairly well; I liked the beginning verse the best, my favourite line being 'Ensnared in affinity'. 'affinity' is a poetic kind of word, a little unexpected here but truthful all the same. The connection Misa felt to Kira - and, as an extension, Light - was one of the driving forces of the series, after all.
I found this interesting: 'she's destined to disaster'.
My first thought was that 'to' was a typo, but... since 'destined' has a connection to romantic relationships ('he's my intended' and 'we're destined to be together' and all that) and the word 'bound', it's as if the disaster mentioned is Light, not the general situation - or that it means both of those at once. This is reinforced by the next verse: 'She feels he and she should be romantically united' and also by the line 'Engaged to insanity.' Makes it quite a deep line.
Unless this was a typo, and you actually meant the common phrase 'destined for disaster'...
This was at an excellent standard, SPaG wise - I can't see any other errors, possible or definite (unless you count the lack of accent in 'naivety', but that's falling out of use anyway). I especially appreciated the correct use of the semicolon, because they are so often misused. :)
In terms of criticism, I have to be honest: on the whole, this was rather generic. Some good points (and I have others to cover in a bit), but the majority of the poem is made of clichés without doing anything to spice them up, and for me, the ending feeling was that it told a story but didn't have much impact. For something with more power, either using fewer clichés or at least using them in an unusual way would be a good start.
I suppose a counterpoint to that would be that simple poetry might be more appropriate for Misa. I don't really imagine her as a poet - I think I can remember a moment in the anime where she did some poetry song thing (after L died? Sorry, I can't quite remember as it's been a while since I last watched it :/), but in general, this kind of unvarnished, uncomplicated rhyming scheme and word choice might fit her more... I'm not sure really - I need to get on with collecting those manga volumes. But that was a thought I had mid-review - was that your reasoning for this style?
Also, the flow was fantastic at all points. The beginning verse was short and a little blunt; it had a sort of frightened feel to it, a feeling that things were out of control - quick, quick, quick, quick. The B/B/E/E thing worked well, in my opinion.
Then, the next few verses, with the longer sentences, march inexorably and smoothly on, until 'He's gone. He's dead.' comes and halts things. The full stops were very effective there!
I liked the falling/fall/downfall/fall thing as well. It tied the poem together, in a nicely unobtrusive way.
Last of all, I liked the very last line, too. It had a melancholy and vulnerable kind of air to it. Like a sigh.
Keep writing. :)