|Reviews for Clandestine|
| TropicalMary chapter 6 . 2/10
I feel like I've been starving without this story! Great update :) i love his awkwardness with physical contact and his self-reprimanding.
Peace out x
| Guest chapter 4 . 1/10
This is something special
| Guest chapter 3 . 1/10
I really love this!
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/10
Pretty good stuff
| dalthurae chapter 5 . 11/21/2013
Ahhhhh, loving this so far! Can't wait till the next update. :D
| Guest12 chapter 1 . 10/23/2013
Wow, I am loving your story ! You have captured 47 so well :) I hope you'll keep updating because this is a great read !
| sorchauna chapter 5 . 9/29/2013
Really glad to see an update. Hoping we get interaction between the two next time.
| Tropical Mary chapter 5 . 9/26/2013
So much of yay for this update! I cannot wait to see where you take this...
| Sera22 chapter 5 . 9/21/2013
What a wonderful update.
I liked again how your described his great inner turmoil, his will to understand his feelings, his failure and desire to kill her.
I am glad he did not do it, I like her a lot.
Well, we will see what he is up to in your next chapter. I look forward to it.
| Trickster chapter 4 . 8/17/2013
Great story, I really enjoyed reading it, you managed to portray 47s reaction to an unknown situation very well In my opinion. Hope to see more in the future.
| Sera22 chapter 3 . 8/11/2013
Hey there, you wanted some more hints of my opinion of your story and I thought why not - for the sake of the statistic - give a new review?
So here are my answers of your questions.
The parts I really enjoyed:
I enjoyed especially when he actually had the urge to simply kill her but acted perfectly socially acceptable on the outside, a very schizophrenic acting and very amusing.
Then your whole setting of the plot, his vacation and the reason for it, I found that quite unique.
It was intriguing that the reader was not able to tell either, whether your OC was really an agent or not! You tricked us most of the time to see her as you pictured her: the normal girl. But is she really that normal? I am still unsure! A terrible suspense.
Parts that I thought shined the most and what brightened me:
I enjoyed his snooping time a lot. You gave them both more backgroung by writing it.
I think the whole idea of 47 being able to possess real feelings towards an unknown, foreign person was special.
I like how he did not want to see a look of fear on her face, he discovered his humanly feelings and it was still very believable.
Very good was the scene with 'army or marines'. She caught him off guard, not for the first but for the best time. Very well done.
The parts I could have done without and didn't enjoy much at all:
Mh, there weren't much of these, really.
The one fact I did not fully comprehend was actually the reaction of your OC during the robbery attempt. Why was she so unafraid? I know that she does have a very terrible past, but no fear at all when there is someone pointing a gun at you? Or was it a shock?
Coming to your OC and your depiction of her. I liked her, you made her to be loved by 47 and your readers. But when I reconsider her background, her acting and her character traits I cannot shake the feeling that she lacks depth. I mean you made her background intriguing and special, thankfully not like a Mary Sue, but you never dove into her past enough to uncover the - or a - big fact about her. You were allways only scratching the surface. It was not enough for me. Her acting during the robbery and her strange dedication to the seemingly scum of the society was then because of the former fact over the top and too much for me. I mean you never told us why exactly she was acting like that. Therefor it was implausible.
The second fact I did not fully comprehend was 47 being able to act socially acceptable the way you described him. On one side it was refreshing and fitted into your story. But he did not slip one single moment! Not even when she took his hand under the table and he almost crashed her.
Funny on the other side was when she tested him with her reciting Macbeth thinking that he did not pay attention to her! His sudden reaction was almost the slip I did expect. But it did not happen anyway.
You see, some flaws on either side of the two characters would have been more fun and convincingly.
Anything in particular that instantly made me cringe:
That was clearly the moment when he called her and the two noticed that she forgot about their date! Hilarious!
I would have liked to see her inviting him to a tour of sight seeing because of the poor tourist's unspeakable boredom! Ha!
All in all it was a very good romantic romance with some flaws that did not bother me as a reader too much, so I hope my elaboration does help you to improve and support your already good writing style and creativity.
Keep up your very good work!
| Sera22 chapter 4 . 8/8/2013
Oh my god. That is really one good short story!
I loved your style of writing and how you characterized the two. Your OC was likable and the perfect pendant for 47. Their interactions were great. I felt as if I was the silent observer reading your story.
For me this wonderful piece of fiction could end here and now, knowing any further written parts would lead to dangerous and/or deathly scenes and I am not truly convinced that this would do your story good. No, I believe you should label it as 'complete' and maybe write a sequel where the reader can decide whether the relationship of these two needs more elaboration. Because despite the seemingly sad ending of part four it counts as some sort of 'happy ending' considering 47's past and present life.
That is my personal opinion.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story with us! Keep up your good work!
| sorchauna chapter 4 . 8/8/2013
So happy when I saw an update on this. Loved that 47 was a snooper! No idea what you will do next with this but I do hope he will see her again.
| Lopsided Whiskey Grin chapter 4 . 8/8/2013
Great update! Loved the interaction between them. 47's characterization was done very well :) can't wait for the next chapter!
| Hsj1022 chapter 3 . 8/7/2013
You should definitely continue! Love the story so far.