|Reviews for Black Snow|
| Radio Free Death chapter 1 . 11/12/2017
I know this story hasn't been updated in four years (at the time of this review), but I'm a sucker for OC-based stories. I'll add my critique in case this story updates or helpful advice for future stories.
[District 7 is always cold, even on days like this; the middle of July with the sun hanging high in the sky all day. Maybe it's just me, though. My older brother, Rule, always tells me that even if I stuck my hands in the fireplace, they would still be ice cold. I don't mind the cold. I like it. It reminds me of happy days. Some of the only happy days I've had.]
Be careful of repetitions. It's already mentioned that the day is cold, you don't need to state it so many times in the same paragraph.
I'm not sure about the cliche where the mom dies in childbirth and has no impact on the story, whereas the dad drives the plot forward alive or dead.
[Even if I was picked, I would be able to handle myself. I wouldn't be like some of those tributes who get picked off in the first 5 minutes. Idiots. They don't know what basic survival skills are.]
Wait, but what was that stuff about how he wished he was reaped so he would no longer be a burden to his brother?
It's also not making him sympathetic with comments like that, unless I'm to assume he treats the games like an actual sport that he supports.
[Maybe it comes from hiding from my father's fists for 7 years, or maybe just because my reflexes are naturally strong, but I've never lost a fight.
I've been in a lot of fights. At school, mostly. Nobody there likes me. They call me ugly and short and twiggy. They nicknamed me Death, because it seems to follow me everywhere. I don't blame them, it's true. I'm sure that's what my father had in mind when he named me. Maybe that is what he named me and Rule just made him change it.]
Having swift reflexes doesn't mean you're strong. How is it that Dath can even hold his own in fights when he's described as twiggy?
Now the backstory is starting to get a little ridiculous. No parent, no matter how sadistic, will name their kid 'death'. Seriously, if Dad hated this kid so much, I'm surprised he didn't just kill him as an infant or send him off to an orphanage somewhere.
| Bookworm chapter 4 . 2/23/2013
Write! I love the story so far and I really like how the characters have personalities. The characters aren't flat and I love how it flows.