|Reviews for Black Star|
| AmazingTreacle chapter 1 . 2/1/2013
Instead of botching up Rowling's work, you should just make your own super powerful and angst-ridden OC. Right off the bat she's a typical Mary Sue.
This also isn't allowed on the site, and its poor work in writing an outline *for readers*. As a writer, you're supposed to show us, not tell us. This introduction just really takes away from the potential of the story.
As another reviewer said, the whole abusing the ignored sister, turns out she's all powerful and amazing, yada yada is totally unnecessary. You are simply placing an unneeded OC and turning her into a witch to make her more powerful.
| RandomAsRainbows chapter 1 . 1/21/2013
sorry but how does a 10 year old "take every nick and penny that the Dursley's own, leaving them with nothing"? The Dursleys must have shares, a place in the housing market, accounts, trust funds(Dudley), benefits, material goods and pay checks to cash - not to mention I'm sure aunt Marge would help them out! Morrigan would need an amazing (and not to mention expensive) lawyer and tonnes of evidence, although even all that would only get them sent to prison and their assets frozen until Dudley is 18. Also since Morrigan is a run away she wouldn't have been able to do anything anyway except go to social services which we know she didn't do because she "has multiple scars ... from living in the wilderness for a few years".
Lastly, if she has a brother then she cannot be "The Last living relative to Merlin and heir" until she is "the Last living relative".
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/21/2013
If your able to make this, you can update your "Forever More" story.
Do so please!
| apolloprincess94 chapter 1 . 1/18/2013
can't wait to read. :)
| xDaughterOfKingsx chapter 1 . 1/18/2013
sounds really intriguing :) o would love to read it :)
| cfore chapter 1 . 1/18/2013
Is there really any reason for her to be abandoned by the Potters other than giving her an Oh-so-tragic past? Sounds Mary Sue to me. I think you can come up with a backstory better than that.
No decent parents would simply up and leave their child just because, and I doubt the Dursley's will take in their niece if Lily is still alive. Plus, 20 years and no attempts at reconciliation at all? Even if not her parents what of her brother who should be too young at the time and technically, blameless?
She just returned to claim what was rightfully hers from the Potter family. Really? Seeing she has "Merlin's Fortune" what more could she need from the Potter's if not to just rub it in their faces. Furthermore, why NYC later on? Do you have a decent reason why an old, powerful sorceress would want to be in the new world?
Thenidiel125 is right, given the number of abusive "wrong BWL" fic out there. It's not original at all.(Not that it must be) I think you may want to rethink your concept a little bit more. You don't want to fall into a trap which I have with my own fic. If I could, I'd redo it but I'm at the committed stage now and I have to admit that its more than a tad bit embarrassing whenever a reviewer brings it up.
Ask yourself, is a more normal Morrigan not possible for your story down the line? Must she have such a tragic past? I'm fairly certain any decent witch or wizard of Rowling's Potterverse will do quite well in Middle Earth without needing to be ridiculously powerful at all. I'm all for a good HP/Hobbit crossover. Even more so the fact that it'll be a witch given the fact that main female casts are rare in Tolkien's work.
Keep in mind that you'll be doing a crossover with the Hobbit which means a good portion of your reader will be Tolkien fans. From what I can gather from your summary, it sounded like you might be downplaying the Tolkien verse a fair bit.
| Thenidiel125 chapter 1 . 1/17/2013
Overdone plot. So tired of all the 'abusive Potter's' fics.
Best of luck to you.
| Raven Marcus chapter 1 . 1/17/2013
hm interesting! im very interested!