|Reviews for Race Against Time|
| Stormcutter684 chapter 23 . 1/7/2015
OMG you are so frickin awesome! A great story, I wonder if this got published - what would it look like as a real, page to page, paper book?
You're an amazing author, your stories are inspiring, and you captured Kili's stubbornness (actually all three Durins' stubborness. It must be a family thing.) and their characters really well, like the strong brotherly love and Thorin apologizing.
I also loved and was shocked at how Kili heard about the conversation. WOW! That's like, I thought impossible!
And as for the 'feeding' experience, well, lol. I'm still laughing over it. The ending was well, the story was well written, and I love how in the end, Fili did the very thing he did that started the problem in the first place. Although this time, he's a hero. Reminds me of the ending of a book called 'Blindsided.' You should read it.
I'm definitely gonna read more of your stories. Amazing job with this story!
| Guest chapter 23 . 1/5/2015
Awww! Such a great story! You are an awesome writer keep being awesome and never back down! ;)
| Lovely Lagoon chapter 10 . 1/5/2015
The beginning of this chapter made me smile and feel sorry at the same time. I know I’m not supposed to be laughing but I was. Poor Dís must feel frustrated when she can’t get her son to eat. You know how mothers are, if you don’t eat, regardless of reason, they worry.
And in the middle of all of this, Thorin is fighting a smile. Haha..
Now onto the serious stuff.. I feel sorry for Kili. I know how frustrated it must be for him, not being able to handle holding a spoon, which isn’t even that hard, usually.
I’ve been in a similar situation once and it’s really annoying when you can’t do things on your own. Although I didn’t show it on the outside it made me more and more frustrated on the inside. I’m also a person who does not like being a burden to people, therefore it was extra hard going through.
“Thorin had even tried forcing Kili to eat, but all that had resulted from that was a furious uncle with oatmeal dripping from his hair and his beard.”
Hahaha. I imagine this sight before me. Hilarious! “Fili was still surprised that Kili had survived that one.” Me too. A furious Thorin is not to play with.
I’m glad Fili convinced his brother to let him help him, if only for a short moment at least.
Well that didn’t last long, which I, on the other hand, can understand. I think it’s even more hard on Kili because he’s very stubborn, and also because he doesn’t have a lot of patience. I imagine something like this becomes hard to deal with much more quickly for him. He’s an impulsive person and probably wants things to happen fast and immediately.
I like the last part of this chapter, despite the content being somewhat sad. I guess it got too much to handle, even for Fili, in the end. I believe he saw it as a failure, and he probably also got angry when Kili refused to let him help.
Everything is written so well, as usual.
| Lovely Lagoon chapter 9 . 1/4/2015
I really like your research for this chapter. Well, for any chapter really.
“Fili had often been annoyed as a child that Dís wouldn’t let him do “fun stuff” with the baby, but now, he understood why.” Not sure why I smiled at this but I did.
“As he pulled Kili into his chest, the younger dwarf suddenly let out a cry, and Fili almost dropped him in surprise.” Oh I bet he did.
I pretty much went “He’s alive!” by the time Kili opened his eyes. THE JOY WAS REAL.
But then when I realized Kili couldn’t speak I was like “aw no.. more trouble awaits them”. That must’ve been a strange feeling by the way. Waking up, not exactly sure where you are and as soon as you get a hold of that, you realize that you can’t speak - scary to say the least. I personally would’ve freaked out.
The moment Fili calls for Dís and she enters the room and sees Kili awake.. and she gets so happy to see her youngest son alive, ..I got tears in my eyes again. The feelings..
“Well, you seem to have your stubbornness back, at least” Fili said with a smile. Kili made a rude gesture, and Fili laughed.” Haha! I admit I laughed here too. It’s typical for Kili to be stubborn. But it’s more than welcomed this time because, well, he just awoke from the dead! (not entirely, but pretty much)
The part where Fili begins feeling guilty again but Kili stops him and reassures him that it’s not entirely his fault.. is sweet. Kili just woke up from his coma yet his first priority is to care for his older brother, to make sure he doesn’t feel bad for what happened. Does it get more adorable than this?
And Fili is just as caring for him, of course. The way they care for each other is precious. What am I gonna do? Your story in whole is fantastic but then there are these short little moments which make me want to melt into a puddle of feels on the floor.
You’re so good with writing touching moments.
Ps. I forgot to mention: Good idea with the sign language!
| Lovely Lagoon chapter 8 . 1/4/2015
Ough, what a horrible nightmare. Certainly not one you would want to have. The part where Kili says Fili betrayed him is worst I think. Poor Fili..
I like how his mother responds immediately when she sees his face and hugs him.
“He was not a child, and yet he still acted like one – crying into his mother’s embrace and having temper tantrums. He was too old for this.”
Aw. I mean I can understand he feels that way. Still.. he can’t be strong all the time. He needs someone to take care of him as well every once in a while.
He strives so hard to keep it together for his brother but fact is we all struggle sometime.. we all break at some point. I’m glad she stayed with him. Not that I expected anything else – she’s his mother after all.
“He had cried more this past week than he ever remembered crying before.”
I know this feeling, though I cannot remember when or why but it was probably the first time I cried a lot. It’s odd how one event can make you cry rivers. In Fili’s case however, it makes sense. Because it’s much more than “one event” and on top of that it’s his brother almost dying so..
I like the next moment when Dís mentions Thorin and Fili admits he treated him badly, and Dís says something along the lines “I’m glad you rested, it has done some good to your mind” – and she smiles. I also like that she, in return, admits Fili was partly right.
The whole conversation between Fili and Thorin is interesting. I remember being on the edge when Thorin entered the kitchen, thinking “ooh what’s gonna come..” – sort of expecting him to be harsh on Fili. But then he wasn’t and it was.. nice, I guess - for a change. And Fili apologized too so that’s good.
I'm glad they found a way back to hope. Or Thorin, precisely. But then he sort of reinforced Fili's already on-going, however wavering, hope so that's lovely.
Food. Yes. They need to eat. Now I am going to grab a banana of my own because the ending of this chapter made me hungry.
| Lovely Lagoon chapter 7 . 1/3/2015
Don’t go into the darkness, Fili. Noo.
I feel so bad for him for feeling like he has killed his brother. He must feel unbearable.
It makes a lot of sense – how he doesn’t want Kili to suffer, how he wants it all to be over as quickly as possible for the sake of his hurting brother. While at the same time, he holds on to anything there is to hold on to, not wanting Kili’s life to slip away from his fingers.
No pus? That’s better.
“He tried not to allow too much hope, but wanted to all the same”
It’s typical to feel like this, wanting two things opposite of each other, all at the same time.
The moment when Fili felt Kili’s hand squeezing back.. aww. I got tears in my eyes.
I actually whispered to myself ‘And so, a little light of hope was lit’ while I read this.
I can understand the way Thorin reacts at first – thinking that Fili’s condition impairs his judgment. It makes sense. Fili hasn’t slept or rested well enough for days and he barely ate. You can’t really blame Thorin for thinking so.
But I feel nearly as frustrated as Fili with what happens next. Poor Thorin lost his hope..
Talk about emotional scene. It’s uncharacteristic for Fili to lash out at his uncle like that, for several reasons. One, because he respects Thorin so much. Two, because most of the time he wouldn’t even dream about defying his uncle’s orders. And three, because I believe that although Fili would break down because of sadness, it seems unusual for him to lose his temper and get visibly angry (apart from in battle of course). And here he goes out in full rage..
Don’t get me wrong. This is exactly what makes this part so good.
The fact that Fili does something completely unexpected of him (in my opinion) makes this scene powerful. Thank God Dís was there to stop him though.
The way you portray her is just as great as the way you portray the others. She’s a good mother, a strong woman who obviously been through a lot already but keeps going for her brother and her two sons. She’s strong, yet tender, which gives a nice balance.
I like that you made her defend Thorin. It’s very believable. So is the way she lectures Fili about not speaking that way to his elders. I feel bad for him, and I do think he has a point, but I recognize Dís feelings as well.
This is one of the most memorable chapters to me. I like it very much.
| Lovely Lagoon chapter 6 . 1/3/2015
Ointment. That’s funny. Oinment from Oin. Nice detail.
“Never had he seen his brother so ill, and he prayed he never would again.” I pray so too.
I’ve never seen a family member of my own that ill (on the verge of dying) but I do recall having to help my older sister when she had gone through a surgery to remove gallstones, many years ago. It was saddening to see her in pain (physically and mentally) and not being able to move too much. Your story makes me remember these things in my past that I’ve almost forgotten.
When I read this chapter I almost thought Kili was dead for a second. Yes, I froze.
I’m not sure why he was laughing at one point but I do know that sometimes when people face tough situations their emotions can go from broken to suddenly feeling inexplicably happy – laughing out of the blue in the midst of sorrow. Is this what was going on?
I can only imagine the fear Fili felt - he really thought Kili was dead. No wonder he was screaming. I’d like to think I would not have paniced as much if I was in that situation myself, but I highly doubt it. I probably would’ve freaked out too.
Thorin’s character is on point, firm and straight to the point. Always knowing what to do, or at least knowing something’s has to be done. I love the sibling relationship between Thorin and Dís as well. I feel so sorry for all of them..
The relief when Kili began breathing again. It’s real.
Fili not wanting to leave his brother after he nearly lost him.. I love how you wrote this.
| Lovely Lagoon chapter 5 . 1/2/2015
“He cannot die. He cannot die. He cannot die.”
“All your fault. All your fault. He’s going to die. Look what you’ve done.”
I really like the way you picture Fili’s on-going guilt. Not that I like to seeing him in pain, nope. Not at all. But it is very well written and realistic. Because let’s face it.. even if everyone in his surroundings are telling him it’s not his fault, how can he feel any different? He was the one who held the bow. He was the one who shot the arrow. It’s not right, but I would’ve felt the same.
Again, I feel bad for him. He’s wearing himself out from feeling guilty.
What happens next.. saddens me. I’m not sure whom I feel the most sorry for. Kili, for not being able to tend to his own needs or barely being able to walk or stand on his own. Or Fili, who has to help him with all of it, making it a rather uncomfortable situation for the two of them.
I completely understand Kili’s shame. I don’t think anyone should feel ashamed of something like that, really.. it’s something you can’t help. But let’s face it.. we all would feel this way. And I believe for someone like Kili, a proud being, someone who’s used to taking care of himself, it might’ve been just worse.
I feel slightly bad for Fili and Thorin but it makes sense that Kili wants to be left alone afterwards. The shame he feels is too great to deal with. He pretty much experienced the most humiliating moment of his life.
Fili was nice to help him although he was terrified, which is understandable. Assisting someone you don’t know with something like that is hard, assisting a family member with something like that is harder..
I think you dealt with the writing of it very delicately, don’t worry.
Oh and also..
The last bit with Fili and Thorin I like. Especially the sudden sad emotions taking hold of Thorin.
And the way Fili obediently listens to his uncle even when he's still near tears because of 'what he's done'.
| Lovely Lagoon chapter 4 . 1/2/2015
First thing I will say is: Good author’s note up there! It’s a strange society we live in today, where guys/men (and sometimes girls/women) can barely touch each other without someone making an assumption that they’re more than friends. Now, on to the story..
I love the small “recaps” (not sure of this is the right word) you mention in the story. For example, this one where Kili was talking in his sleep and Fili fooled him that he’s been telling secrets. I love all sorts of little memories between them. Simple but precious moments.
“Kili was fully awake now, and he studied his brother’s face.
“You look awful.”
“You look worse,” Fili retorted.”
I know now is supposed to be serious and all.. but this bit made me laugh, for some reason. I don’t know..
I like the part where Kili wakes up and doesn’t want Fili to leave, and also how he reckons it’s not his brother’s fault (for what happened) – I imagine no one would blame their sibling in a situation like this, but it’s still quite noble of him.
Poor Kili, being wounded so badly and in so much pain.. I’m glad Fili’s there with him and to take care of him. I mean.. of course, where else would he be?
The scene where Fili puts an arm around his little brother and Kili lies down on his chest is sweet. More so since Fili wasn’t expecting it. It reminds me of me and my sister.
The last part of this chapter, reading about the wound and Kili’s fever, had me going “Oh no..”
| Lovely Lagoon chapter 3 . 1/2/2015
I remember reading the beginning of this chapter, thinking "Will he survive? Oh god.. will he survive!? - that was before I realized there were many more chapters to come.
I smiled for real when Kili awakened, thinking at least he's fine for now. Well, not fine really. But alive, still.
"Been better," Kili replied with a cheeky grin" - So much like Kili. I can imagine him like this. Thinking he has to stay strong even though he's in pain, thinking he must not show any sign of weakness.. feeling like he shouldn't worry the others and therefore tries to remain his own cheerfull self. I feel for him.
Even though he's the youngest, Kili is a very proud person and I must say you really manage to bring out his emotions and actions in a way that is great, which gives his character justice – not only in this chapter but throughout the whole story.
Man.. as much as I love Thorin, I wouldn't want to have his piercing gaze upon me either. Reading Fili's thoughts and how he's caught up in all this distress because of guilt, makes me feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster the entire time. He clearly feels worse than ever.. poor guy.
Thorin's character is great. Everything he says and does and the way he does it is so believable. I can imagine him reacting the way he does. I can imagine him talking calming to Kili after Oin and Fili had left. I can imagine him having that exact conversation with Fili.
"..Fili could not make out what he was saying, but his mother's horrified sob was unmistakeable. He cringed. He hated to hurt his poor mother.." Oh feels. Terrible feels.
I feel so sorry for Dís. I'm too young to have kids of my own but I guess being a parent is much harder than it seems, especially hard when one of your children is sick or, in this case, heavily wounded..
Another great chapter.
I will continue my reviews. Soon.
| Lovely Lagoon chapter 2 . 1/2/2015
“By Durin, what’s the matter with you, boy? he roared”
Typical Thorin. Perfect way of ‘introducing’ him to the story! I admit I am laughing now, due to the fact that I can practically hear his voice in my head exclaiming this, but I wasn’t laughing back then – I was too caught up in the emotions.
Everything is written so well. Fili’s sudden fear of what his uncle will do to him, Thorin’s frightened expression and his own fear, the shame and guilt Fili struggles with as he runs back to their home after sending words to Oin. I feel so bad for him.
“He had done great harm to the dearest person to him in the entire world, and if Kili died, he would never forgive himself, if he lived to be four hundred years old”. Heartbreaking.
I think also, by this statement, it goes to shows just how close they are. They’re brothers so of course they would be close. But I believe their bond is far beyond than that. They’re as close as siblings can get.
Clover and Princess. Such macho names. Haha. Well they‘re female ponies anyway..
I remember feeling slightly sick to my stomach reading the rest of it, especially when they were on their way back to Kili and Fili’s thoughts wouldn’t leave him at peace, as well as the dreadful moment they spent by Kili’s side, trying to figure out how to go about things. When they discover there’s blood in Kili’s lungs, that he used animal sinews to bind his arrows etc. Similar to Fili, my heart dropped lower and lower and I got more scared for Kili.
The thing which makes it worse (or better depending on how you see it) is that I can imagine everything taking place right before my eyes. (You really have a gift of writing!)
Poor poor Kili.. he was in so much pain already yet they had to make him go through all that (which I understand was absolutely necessary though – otherwise he’d die).
When he begged for them to stop and Fili had to tell him the truth – that they must do it – and Kili gave him that betrayed look.. God I felt so bad for Fili. For both of them actually.
The rest is just.. ugh.. too many feelings. Kili’s intense pain (I felt like crying for him), Fili’s emotions which got the best of him, Oin and Thorin doing their best to keep Kili alive..
The moment in which Fili tries to flee from his uncle is bittersweet. I can feel his shame and Thorin’s lack of words for how stupid this is – how stupid his nephews were being. Yet, he reassures Fili it was just an accident. I love how you portray Thorin.
This review became quite long. But I figured it was only fair with such a heart wrenching chapter. It’s definitely one of my favorite of the entire story.
So much stuff going on, so many feelings..
Wonderful! (your writing, not the things happening)
| Lovely Lagoon chapter 1 . 1/2/2015
I must begin to say I am captivated by this wonderful story of yours. I stumbled upon it last weekend and as I slowly began to read, your writing and the way you bring out the emotions drew me in. Not to mention the plot and the relationship between the brothers, which you’ve depicted beautifully without making it seem odd, is great. You had me set aside an entire day only to get further immersed in your story – and I am glad I did. Moving on..
What a day! It began so promising. Just the two of them, wandering outdoors and enjoying each other’s company.. oh my.. I didn’t expect it to end in disaster.
I really like the way you portray the two of them. They seem very much like the Fili and Kili I know. Love the playful bond between them and how you describe it all so well.
“He missed, and the buck got away” – by this I knew something was wrong. Something bad had happened. I feared for the worst and I was right – Kili stood in the way and the arrow got him.
Pretty much everything what’s left of this chapter made my heart race. Everything is just so.. so.. sad. I’ve never accidentally put any of my sibling’s lives at risk but I know if I did I would feel terrible.
I can imagine what Fili sensed when he realized where the arrow had gone. And poor Kili. That must’ve hurt so much. I can’t even begin to imagine the fear he must’ve felt in that moment, not to mention his brother..
I would very much like to continue review each chapter, or at least most of them - because I feel like this is such a great story and you've put your effort into it. Be patient with me will you? I’ll try my best to post something worth of reading.
Thank you for writing this story!
| Live4dancing chapter 23 . 12/16/2014
OH MY GOSH THIS STORY IS INCREDIBLE
| twilotter lover chapter 23 . 12/16/2014
Omg I loved it! You have had me hooked since the first word and I have never felt so much emotion from a Fanfiction than I did yours. I look forward to reading the sequal now!
| Lakritzwolf chapter 23 . 12/15/2014
Wow that was one hell of a ride...
Left me kinda breathless, and knowing pneumonia from first hand experience didn't make it any better... phew.
What an amazing talent you have.
My hat is off to you.