|Reviews for Mass Effect Reloaded|
| smashbangfusion chapter 6 . 2/16
See, there's Shepard making waves again. This probably cost her Miranda's trust and friendship, seeing as Shep's blackmailing her. It really feels rushed. I suppose Shepard is feeling rushed herself, believing she has a chance to make things right with what she knows, but you'd think she learned by now that her actions have consequences she can't predict anymore. She's trying to manipulate people with what she knows and it's starting to backfire.
You skipped over a lot of details on Virmire. What happened to the prothean beacon? Or the console that contacts Sovereign/Nazara? I know it seems redundant to Shepard now, but there could have been some strong scenes here.
Also, Mordin and Kirrahe regard one another with respect, but also see each other as a-holes. The word they use is "cloaca," the anus for monotremes. I know you like humor and cute exchanges, so this was a missed opportunity.
I really loved the "has to be you" exchange between Shep and Mordin. So far, the most honest relationships seem to be Shep-Mordin and Shep-Wrex. Shepard seems to be manipulating anyone else or completely ignoring them. That includes Garrus, Shep's love interest. He sits at the wayside with little to no honest interaction with Shepard.
| smashbangfusion chapter 5 . 2/16
The suggestion to "rework" the genophage so that it is "lessened" would be a monumentally larger task than curing it. The genophage affects krogan at the genetic level. It's not a typical virus, but a complete restructuring of krogan biology. Modifying the original genophage took the best years of Mordin's life. Maelon's cure was the fastest and most viable option to counter genophage - introduce a new virus that again affects krogan at genetic level to convert redundant organs into ones that produce fertility hormones.
After the cure, all krogan still have the genophage, but it's just rendered useless because it is no longer attacking the correct organs and glands.
Mordin said the original modification was dangerous work where a lot could have gone wrong. In short, remodifying the genophage to "lessen" it would take years of work for Mordin rather than outright curing it.
| smashbangfusion chapter 4 . 2/16
Mass relays aren't exactly teleporters. They are giant mass effect engines that react with eezo drive cores to instantly slingshot a vehicle to its destination. Basically, to use a mass relay, you need an eezo drive core or it won't work. Biotics can react to mass relays because they are sensitive to the mass effect and dark energy, but it is more likely they will be ripped apart in a relay than teleported. Kaiden was getting headaches and a vibrating sensation just by standing near the Relay Monument on the Presidium.
I also find it odd that Mordin would be the first to mention the genophage modification project specifically. Shepard hints that she knows Mordin was involved in genophage study, but the improved genophage was top secret STG work that Mordin wouldn't mention unless it was of importance. He also doesn't seem surprised when Shepard tells him that Maelon is working to cure the genophage - a fact that clearly shocked him in ME2.
On the plus side, Shep and Mordin's "someone else might have gotten it wrong" exchange was enjoyable. Plus Gilbert and Sullivan.
| smashbangfusion chapter 3 . 2/15
I noticed you tend to rush through the mission details. I know for Shepard time is of the essence and you don't want to make this feel "same-old-same-old" but it kills the suspension of disbelief. It feels a bit more like reading a list of the events of an alternate timeline rather than experiencing the change that Shepard brings.
Wrex is on point. I love his interactions with Shep.
| smashbangfusion chapter 2 . 2/15
I figured, with Shepard knowing everything she needed to know about the protheans and the Reapers, Liara loses her narrative purpose. Of course, she still needs to be rescued; it's only the right thing to do. I just don't think she has a place in the story after that.
Some hard stuff going on between Shep and Garrus. Have to feel bad for her, considering what she had with the Garrus she knew will be impossible to recreate. There's a part of her that's trying to nudge it along, but she knows it won't ever be the same. There's that "making waves" problem again. She may be changing things that went wrong, but she's also changing things that went right.
I also feel like she's being almost too hasty. Something tells me she's headed straight for trouble if she keeps using her knowledge of the future to manipulate people.
| smashbangfusion chapter 1 . 2/15
Just started getting into ME fan fiction, and your concept was seriously interesting. I enjoyed how Shep made Saren shut up! It was pretty satisfying. I also like how Wrex enjoys the seemingly crazy antics of the "new" commander.
However, she is making a lot of waves very early. I can easily imagine this backfiring her amd costing her allies or friendships later on.
I also found her adjustment to the situation a bit too quick. I get Shepard has seen a lot, but time travel changes all of the rules as she knew them. That had to have shaken her up more. Saren's trial could have gone largely the same direction with a dazed and confused Shep trying to grasp the situation.
I look forward to reading more!
| Pokybyte chapter 59 . 2/12
Yo, been reading in my free time the past few days. It's been an enjoyable ride. I know I tried to read this once before but lost it for some reason.
Anyway I just finished chapter 58. I thought we were done with clobes. Shepard clones annoy me, and annoyed me in the dlc of me3. I hope she doesn't stick around too long. I think i'm gonna take a break now.
| theherocomplex chapter 4 . 2/11
Your Shepard does not come across well in this chapter. She's efficient, yes, in dealing with getting to Ilos before the geth and Sovereign do, but it's a bad sign when she has to scare her squad into submission for no reason. Yes, they were not working efficiently, and she's well aware of the time crunch they're dealing with, but that is no way to command respect. I'm a bit boggled that anyone wants to follow her.
Mordin is in good voice, and I can't think of a better place for the Conduit to end up, now that the other end has been damaged. Ah, sweet Mako, rest in peace.
| theherocomplex chapter 3 . 2/11
I'm glad that you're not going for a straight retelling of events - I do like novelizations of the games, if the Shepard is compelling enough - but since you've already started AU, it's good to go fully in that direction.
There's no emotion in this piece whatsoever. No consideration for how Liara must feel about facing her mother, even if Shepard is confident she can avoid killing Benezia this time; no compassion for any of her crew and how they must be feeling about her claims. There's barely even any discussion about those claims to begin with, and that's a HUGE hole. Is everyone so blinded by Shepard's energy and how she keeps vaulting through obstacles that they're willing to go along with it? This is where a look into Shepard's inner thoughts and emotions would go a long way toward filling the gaps, and connecting us with Shepard.
Hackett's comment about being a guest on Sesame Street feels completely out of character - not only is he a consummate professional in-game, the Shepard in front of him is a total wildcard. Why would he speak like that to her, a mystery and a subordinate? I don't know if you were going for a joke with the "Hackett out", but it falls a little flat either way.
I think you're missing a phrase in here: "Four hours later, feeing somewhat more rested, and took the entire squad with her".
"literally winced" - yes, that is what I did when I read that line. Ouch. OUCH. I'm all for using adverbs to spice up the narrative, but OUCH.
Good energy and pacing, as always, but I feel no connection or empathy with your Shepard. And that's a pity, because I would love to be more invested in her story.
| Lachdannen chapter 4 . 2/8
Ooooh, and we have an early Mordin. Which is going to cause complications in some ways XD what happens to all those people on Omega he saves? The outbreak of the plague, ect. *watches the butterfly flap it's wings*
The timing on Nazara and the geth showing up is strange, because at this point, shouldn't shepard and co be ahead of the game? or did Saren somehow figure out a shortcut? I feel like he's a little early here, and that he skipped feros. Or perhaps Feros happens early and you just find out the aftermath? either way, might be something to consider. (or did someone else come back with foreknowledge and is cheating just as much as shepard?)
Vigil would be...even more exposed i think, since they hooked up the generators. They are going to know someone was doing something there, since they didn't take the equipment with them.
And this solution of moving the conduit also has a problem: She's officially changed the encounter with Saren beyond the parameters she knows. From this point forward, Saren and Nazara could do anything, and he should be clever enough to do something unfortunate for our hero and company.
All in all, progressing. The idea of someone else besides shepard maybe having additional info would be a neat twist. And liked Mordin's skepticism, but i think that it's a mistake on shepards part to recruit him here. Have to see.
| TheWerdna chapter 2 . 2/4
While I am sure others have said this before, holy crap this is moving at light speed. While I was able to mostly keep up with what was going on, there was just no emotion behind it, since really there was no time for it. You need time for the reader to process what's going on, reflect on the new information, as well as have the character react to it more.
Another thing that bothered me a bit Shepard isn't quite reacting to all this. like someone who recently came from the future, or at least is acting with massive amount of arrogance and putting very little thought into this. She can't just force events early, especially when the only happened due to a specific chain of events that led to them. For example, Cerberus helping her only happened because she died and the Council ignored the Reaper threat. Or heck, her and Garrus happened in a specific way, which if things had played out the same as in the game, only after becoming friends for a long period of time. Shepard is going to quickly screw things up, to the point everything will shift so much her future knowlege will become completely useless.
| Lachdannen chapter 3 . 2/4
And we do the tag tag!
Alright...previous two chapters were blitzkrieg attacks on progressing the story. This one isn't any different, but this is the first one where I have to say it actually hurts the story with some of the short cuts, and is making me want to give you/shepard a speeding ticket.
Such as the Rachni. I'd expect a much much stronger reaction about them than you give them, especially from Wrex. He doesn't have NEARLY the level of interaction you would have with him, before going to Noveria, and his reaction IMO is far too mild.
The other big spot that really bothered me was the gas/stun grenades and the complete glossing over of the actual conflict. It's been a long time since I played the game, but considering how early they are, the labs shouldn't have been locked down or had anything go wrong yet, would they? But you proceed through just as it had in the game. This would be a GREAT opportunity point to completely divert what shepard remembers and what is happening NOW. Put her up against Noveria security and the asari commandos both, with the Geth nowhere to be seen till they are sprung later (which by the way, shouldn't there be like a billion of these guys in the lab, since they didn't encounter any in the storm on the way up?)
There are little details scattered through that I do like though: Like joker's much cooler reactions to her. That's the kind of detail that makes sense and her shock to that is good, though I want more detail on her thoughts as a whole. you tell us she's surprised for example, but i wanna know how. Does she stop and blink, flinch mentally, actually flinch, what? you get hte idea.
And Hackett was another strong point. I like the point blank sit down by him in this chapter, even if some of the specifics of what you seem to be heading for make me go "hmmm". have to wait and see though.
either way, onward into chaos it seems.
(psst, i need a Wake me and i kill you setting for my alarms...)
| WarriorDrgnMage chapter 79 . 2/2
I have to say the explanation you gave makes more sense and uses a discarded idea from the ME Bioware team.
I hope you post more soon.
| WarriorDrgnMage chapter 60 . 2/1
...so is Alenko dead? and why are they allowing Linron to do this...they know she's Indoctrinated right?
| WarriorDrgnMage chapter 56 . 2/1
Nice job on the tension and ghost house. Chills me to the bone.
...Oh poor Liara...