|Reviews for Mass Effect Reloaded|
| Kellise chapter 79 . 1/19
What do you mean rewrite the opening chapter? /defensive glare
Enjoyed this chapter, even if it was fluffy as a blanket ;)
| 5 Coloured Walker chapter 79 . 1/19
A good chapter, I agree with the others over Joker. It seems uncharacteristic for him to vent like that, but he's been under unusual stress. [I view the Vrolick syndrome rant as a prepared one designed to throw whoever's his boss off.] The last cry got a laugh from me though.
| MizDirected chapter 12 . 1/18
the only other ship Shepard had been aboard, - only mention of who our POV character is in the first couple of chapters.
HA! I see what you did there at the end.
Interesting chapter and written at a pace that I found easy to follow. Yay for new material. I loved their reaction to the flowers and the Alliance and other personnel afterwards. Good stuff.
My one comment is that I would have really loved a tighter third person POV. Shepard has made these changes ... is managing to avoid war and yet we get nothing from her on how it feels, her thoughts, anything while this is going on.
Other than that, good chapter. Onward.
| Issuino Yumi chapter 78 . 1/18
"First read through" - reading casually rather than critically.
This fanfic is incredible. I will absolutely be following. Thank you for sharing what you have so far...I hope you continue.
| MizDirected chapter 11 . 1/17
Geth on the fleet! Duck and cover people!
This chapter gets really POV squishy, especially at the end. Because it shifts away from Shepard's POV, even though it's well laid out, it makes me feel like I am floating around, bouncing from character to character, rather than being anchored in, and experiencing the scene.
The dialogue as well could use some smoothing as it is stilted at times and then really casual at times when it doesn't feel as though it fits. Shala'Raan for instance, reads too casual and hip for what I have seen of the character.
:) Nice getting to see Shepard's mother in action. I haven't seen it often.
So yep, for this chapter, things slowed down a bit. giving me a chance to follow along nicely, just feel as though the dialogue needs a good read through and then some attention to making sure you aren't showing a different POV in every line. Even if the scene is people other than Shepard talking, it should still all be shown from her POV just to keep things from getting muddled in our brains. Would also be cool to see how she reacts to Tali's father having a gun pointed at her mother.
I love the reaction to Legion. What the heck? Gaaaahhhhh!
| MizDirected chapter 10 . 1/16
There was a faint tremor in her boots as the probe launched. - this sounds like she has a jumping bean in her boot or something. The tremor travelled through her boots.
She hit him with a Warp, then another perfect sniper shots took his entire jaw off his head, and a lucky round detonated one of the grenades at his waist, - If Saren does not come back after that anticlimactic boarding party, I shall be well and truly peeved. All that build up for a perfect sniper shot in a decompressing CIC with people getting blasted to bits everywhere? So yeah, he better come back like the cat. AND a shattered femur? and still got off a perfect head shot? *dubious expression*
the perfect sniper shots ... just a stray s
* *She nodded, tabbing her channel over to the turian fleet. "Commander, how badly is your ship damaged?" - this sounds like her asking Victus this question.
* *Draven said, rubbing tears away from her eyes.- wait, we were all in helmets, yes? Due to de-pressurization danger ... are we not still fighting? Why is her helmet off?
The action was good, a little quick in spots but exciting. I shall wait to see how the aftermath unfurls before I comment on Saren's marauders all being blown up etc. as fast as they were discovered. I was really psyched to see how the whole going after Saren, maybe he was going to continue to be a foil, was going to go. So yep, I hope he proves to be a bad penny. :D
| scorpioneldar chapter 58 . 1/14
oh my she is the new Timmy isn't she
| scorpioneldar chapter 49 . 1/13
dammit i thought we avoided bothy kaidan's death and the painfull death sequence in space this time
your doing good with this one but man that was harsh
| Lachdannen chapter 2 . 1/13
Dear sweet baby Jesus, we have officially reached ludicrous speed.
Which pretty much sums up 90% of what I want to say about this chapter. There is so much happening at light speed, that I'm not feeling it. I'm getting bits and pieces, but so much of this is me piecing it together in hindsight.
I mean, blurring into the future this is going to have super far reaching effects, or at least, i assume it would. her reaction to udina. her cheating to find the reaper at miso-whatever i can be bothered to get the name right at this second.
And Garrus. That...whole talk felt...very out of place. I mean, I dont' know how well ANYONE would deal with back in time to talk to someone they have loved for 4 years, but she HAS to know that pushing this could backfire terribly. Maybe it's just me, but if I was Garrus, I would be screaming "abort abort! abandon ship!" and running in the other direction.
And maybe you will. Maybe this is building up to a huge crash of "oh damn, i fucked up!" from sheperd. I'm expecting it, that's for certain, though that might also be me being a gigantic pessimist. XD Either way, onward!
| MizDirected chapter 9 . 1/12
The platform on the left is the one that communicating with me on - communicated
She lands, no diplomacy whatsoever, and just starts making demands. And the geth just obey. They can't choose their own ambassador? Or what colour it is? And it chooses a name that means statue brought to life by a human. Then she orders Galatea around.
* *It did that light-narrow mission, and nodded. - I don't understand light-narrow mission.
* * "I know, Garrus. I think Tali can handle one geth on her own, - love that she trusts Tali to take care of herself. :) She's a buttkicking quarian.
* *"Pi." She fought down a growl. "Just kidding, Commander. Four." - here, her actions with his words is a stumbling block
* *It was a clear image of Saren – she recognized the face, and the paint, - Saren is barefaced. No colony markings. Is that what you meant?
So, Saren lives. Good. I like that things are starting to unravel and that we aren't marching around readying things in a vacuum of bad guys. My burning question in this chapter is whether you are setting the geth up to attack everyone. Because I can't see any sapient race, even the geth, allowing themselves to be treated like children and bossed around for long. And they've been slave labour in the past, so yeah... can't see Shepard's method of dealing with them going down very well in the long term. Then ... much, much dying.
Is it wrong that I'm gleefully awaiting when her hamfisted-ness backfires? lol Well, even if it is bad ... I am. Eager to see how your web unravels.
| MizDirected chapter 8 . 1/12
The teasing Pressly about Garrus felt really horrible and inappropriate. Poor Garrus, and the whole leaning over Pressly, the hair thing. She's really behaving in an uncomfortably, sexually predatory manner with both Pressly and Garrus. :( She's your Shepard, so you know what she would do best, I just need the people around her, like Mr. Regulations, starched uniform Pressly to let me know why he's not calling her on that display.
And then talking to her like he's her dad. And about babies? This Garrus has known her days. She's acted like a complete crazy woman for most of it. Babies might be premature. Do men like it when women just say, "Hey, you and I were together. We're meant to be together, so just go with it" and then just act like they are already together even when they aren't even friends yet? Women sure don't.
We haven't seen any sort of relationship building between Shepard and Pressly to allow me to follow this interaction without holding it up to canon. Same goes for Garrus. She hasn't spent any time even building a friendship with him. Why did he agree to stay and sleep there? Where is the ground work that allows me to believe he doesn't just scream "Rapey CO" and run?
Once we got into talking about the geth and stuff, all was golden. She sat down and talked with everyone, explaining rather than just running and that was great. She let them know what was coming. There was some POV swapping. One second with Alenko, the next to Tali, and then back to Shepard. Overall though, good info.
* *or with horrific timing (one of the mishaps during the drydock installation of the escape pods came to mind). - this has no context even as to the sort of mishap, so I am not getting the joke or anything.
* *"A geth," Ashley said, her voice poker-table flat. -love this description. Really good stuff.
* *"Tali's father is as close as the geth have to an expert, - the quarians have to a geth expert?
* *It'll be a trial run, of sorts. To put it bluntly, nobody has tried to talk to the geth since they were created." Tali shrank back slightly in her chair. - This reads as if it is Tali talking.
Once I recovered from the early trauma, I began to wonder what Shepard's overall game plan is. She seems to be dashing about without a mind to drawing things toward any sort of end game. Does she have anything planned ... in the planning stages? Or is she still making it up as she goes along? Would love to get some insight from her as to what she wants to build toward. That would be an awesome thing.
| The Winged Pyro That Drowned chapter 78 . 1/11
Waait just a second! Why didn't the Catalyst tell Shepard all that stuff about the dark matter or whatever before deleting itself? (since it was the original or something)
Unless what the reaper told her is just complete and utter bullshit of course
| The Winged Pyro That Drowned chapter 77 . 1/11
well... maybe shit was predestined after all.
| theherocomplex chapter 2 . 1/9
Lots happening - but we don't feel any of it. We're still outside of Shepard's head, and while you and I talked over PM about her internal life, it's still a huge omission in the narrative. Why isn't she questioning any of this? There's no why, no how - which is starting to feel a little sloppy.
I'm not sure if this Shepard is supposed to be Renegade, but she's coming across as unprofessional. Hitting Udina with Stasis is something I'm sure all biotic Shepards wanted to do at some point, but here he's still nominally an ally, if an annoying one. Anderson's reaction to that seems very out of character.
And Shepard's little talk with Garrus at the end feels...out of place. She's suddenly shoving into his personal space, when he barely knows her at all, without a thought for how HE may feel about her or the fact that she has all these memories of THEM that he doesn't. I'm really uncomfortable with how she sends him off, too - this is a Shepard who loves Garrus? She feels selfish and almost predatory.
I was also bothered with the cavalier way Shepard treated the VI that would eventually become EDI. Again, because we don't know what this Shepard's relationships were with her crew, I don't know how she and EDI got along, but EDI is a vital part of the crew and its successes. It rings very false to see her treated like that.
| jerseydanielgibson chapter 78 . 1/8
Wow, that's a real WTF moment there. I'm glad you didn't go that whole Exemplar route I mentioned a few months back. Is Kaiden reincarnating into a tank, too?