|Reviews for Reality|
| Guest chapter 1 . 12/12/2014
| Falynn1993 chapter 1 . 4/26/2014
I anonymously reviewed this and couldnt remember if I'd gone back and put it on alert since i created an account. So here you go, and PLEASE dont give up on this! :-)
| Nom de Plume chapter 1 . 3/22/2014
I cannot believe this idea stemmed from such a simple prompt. Wow.
I love it. Even though you only have one chapter (and hopefully many more to come), you have successfully grabbed the reader's attention and dragged it along.
But before I jump into the praises, there is one thing I'll have to nitpick on for the sake of constructive criticism.
In the third paragraph, Gaara's 'ranting' seemed to come more as a personal rant... aka the author's rant. There is nothing wrong on wanting to send a message or social commentary to your readers but there were a couple things wrong with that particular message. First thing is, the natural rhythm of the story... that whole paragraph in general seemed very out of place in this narrative. It's like a random pothole in the middle of a smooth road, so to speak. I understand you were trying to give examples to show Gaara's cynical view towards New Year's but you would have to execute it in a way that makes it flow naturally with the story rather than against it. Altogether it sounded like you were projecting your views onto the character (which I know some authors do) but you cannot forget that if you absolutely cannot help yourself with that then you must do it in a way that is characteristic of the individual's skin you are writing in.
And normally I would go on a whole lecture about how these characters are Japanese and hence should not even be in an American setting (unless given a plausible and realistic reasoning)... but so far, the 'American' setting hasn't been a blatant part of the story so I won't go into that.
Another thing is... Gaara's first words with Sakura... the 'I -ahem - I'm Gaara' part. Gaara is not the sort of character to ever stutter or if he's ever caught off guard, then he sure as hell would try his hardest to not show it. And it's strange that you had him introduce himself so easily- I know that this is not the Naruto world but in this world, you still have placed him in an occupation that requires paranoia and self-preservation. I don't think he would toss his name around so carelessly to strangers even if they asked politely or looked pretty. What I'm starting to worry about is that he's already falling for Sakura... please, please, do not rush the romance. Especially with Gaara's character, that is extremely unrealistic. A lot of writers are afflicted with the 'must-write-the-romance-now' syndrome (even some 'professional' writers fall into this, too) but do not fall into this trap! If you must, take the time to analyze his character because from what I've read so far, there are still some parts of his psyche that you seem to twist around to your liking.. and while that's not a sin by all means, fanfic. writers should keep to the characters' signature traits or else they might as well be writing an OC who just happens to have a Naruto-esque name.
And this may have been a typo but seeing as neither character knows Sakura's name yet.. you let it slip that 'Sakura stood in front of the house, etcetc.' I can see that it can get confusing sometimes to recall that even outside of the narration, the character's name should not be mentioned yet until the revelation.
Now... onto the praises. I really like this idea of a dream world... but with the implication that this is more than just a dream. In fact, it could quite possibly be a part of reality. Your choice of setting in an eerily empty place was great (I'm guessing this city is a replication of the one Gaara is residing in?). Sakura's amnesia was a nice touch too.. it makes one wonder why she forgot and why she was even in that place... or how&why Gaara managed to reach that place as well. Your handling of Sakura's fear was touching as well - it was partly philosophical and two parts, human. No one likes to be alone but it's worst when you don't even have your own identity to depend on. Because if you do not know anything about yourself then what -do- you know then?
Anyways, I hope you take my earlier criticism as constructive and not as flames because I don't bother with stories that don't seem to have potential in the first place. And your story has a LOT of potential.
| Guest chapter 1 . 2/15/2013
Twisted. Will u b continuing? I like accidental gaasaku meetings, like in unexpected places. :D
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/25/2013
Bad ass Gaara.
| Kyoudou chapter 1 . 1/23/2013
Loooooooove it! I adored all the imagery and god damn Gaara is just my type of guy.
And good on you for braving the seas of mentioning drug use on FF. I have seen some nasty reviews when it comes to that so props!
| IridescentInTheDark chapter 1 . 1/21/2013
Interesting. Drugs, sexual references and hopes on more lol. My kind of fic. I hope you get more reviews. This deserves it. XD
Ok too new to this site. What's a headcannon?
| The Seldom Seen Kid chapter 1 . 1/21/2013
| FakeMirage chapter 1 . 1/21/2013
Love the story so far! I liked how you portrayed Gaara since that is how I imagined him outside the Naruto world. Also, I have a hunch on who Sakura is though I hope my hunch is wrong. Hope you update soon!
| FallenInDreams chapter 1 . 1/20/2013
Yes, spread the GaaSaku love. I was so excited when I saw you'd posted so quickly. It's completely brilliant. I really love this story. Damn it. Needs to go on favs. ;) Bad Rose... n_n
| Falynn chapter 1 . 1/20/2013
Oh wow. What happened? Gaara was high when he met Sakura. That's a new one. I reeeeally want to know how they're going to meet for real. :D