Reviews for Chained World 01: The Fall of the House of Kuno
darkinudemon chapter 40 . 9/19/2013
What can I say but…WOW! I’ve published a few of my own stories , but this is the first that I couldn’t move on from without leaving a comment.

This has to be the best story I’ve ever read, and Ranma isn’t even one of my top three genres. The plot was beyond exceptional, with a dark quality that only the real world possesses. Each twist and turn had its own unexpected dynamics that all but forced myself to kept reading, and while like with almost every story the outcome can all but be predetermined this one did everything right in keeping the reader from knowing until the end just exactly how it would turn out. The individual character development was great without needless waste, with each person reacting as one would expect in real life and a person’s ability to overcome was astounding. The single greatest gift you gave readers was your willingness to kill off so many or the main characters was something I’ve never seen before. While I might of disagreed with some of those deaths (mostly Ukyo), each death truly had meaning despite how anticlimactic (Konatsu, Amazons, Master or Servants) to the sacrifices Genma made before falling in battle. Your continuing ability to accurately show the mental scarring for each additional traumatic event would cause is beyond equal right up until the very end.

Alas, this brings me to the first of only two negatives I could find in such a work of art and both take place in the final chapter. First off, I felt it was rushed and as such somewhat inconsistent, but make no mistake even this chapter was good. I felt you easily closed out every character’s thread except the two that truly mattered, and this was my biggest disappointment… The simple fact is unlike every other character Ranma never woke up, and as such no one was able to grasp the totality of the emotional scarring this whole ordeal caused. I don’t know if this was done on purpose (sequel) or not. I’m glad that you’ve since started addressing that major shortcoming in what you’ve posted so far in the sequel ‘Saving Grace’ and look forward to future postings of that story.

Lastly the second negative, (I can only shake my head as I write this since it clashes with the belief that you intentionally didn’t bring a conclusion to Ranma and Akane’s relationship) was the part again of chapter 40 where Sailor Pluto steps into the Time Gates at the end of the chapter. I have to say this was completely botched… If you truly were planning a sequel and was waiting to address Ranma there, you shouldn’t have even broached the topic here. If instead, you hadn’t even considered the sequel then it was a train wreck of epic proportions. As you’ve yet to reveal the full extent of the trauma Ranma is still suffering in the sequel I don’t have much to offer in constructive criticism. The only thing I can suggest to fix it would be to be nowhere near as specific as you were to the when she was viewing the near future, leaving it clouded to help transition into the sequel (maybe except for maybe the part of the spires and towers of Crystal Tokyo).

Regardless of how the sequel works I’d still like to see a resolution to the Ranma/Akane relationship that covers the time period between the end of this story and the beginning the sequel… An idea I’d hope you’ll consider would be a short chapter with Kasumi in a counseling session (since everyone knows Ranma and to a lesser extent Akane wouldn’t go) with several flashbacks that covered important events including Ranma waking up, their wedding, and the birth of their child. Again since no one knows where you’re entirely going with the sequel it could bring closure to this story while tying in with chapter 3 of ‘Saving Grace’ were you talked about Kasumi going into hysterics and being on prescriptions for months…

I hope to see some of the other cannon characters that I believe could have played important parts in the sequel, especially Happosai (since if anyone could be shocking enough to help break Ranma out of his shell it’d be him) and maybe even Herb (since they share the same curse and he’d spent an extended time locked as a female in a male dominate society), since by the time the sequel takes place both should have gotten wind about what happened to Ranma…
darkinudemon chapter 1 . 9/19/2013
What can I say but…WOW! But before I get into the details, I want to start by letting you know a little about myself to help put this review into context. My pen name is Darkinudemon, and I’ve been a fan fiction enthusiast as long as I can remember. By now I’ve probably read more stories than I can count, and even written and published a few of my own. Like everyone else I have my favorite story types and favorite authors, and out of all the stories I’ve ever read over the many years I’ve been reading, this is the first one that I’ve ever felt I couldn’t move on from without leaving one.

This has to be the best story I’ve ever read, and Ranma isn’t even one of my top three genres. The plot was beyond exceptional, with a dark quality that only the real world possesses. Each twist and turn had its own unexpected dynamics that all but forced myself to kept reading, and while like with almost every story the outcome can all but be predetermined this one did everything right in keeping the reader from knowing until the end just exactly how it would turn out. The individual character development was great without needless waste, with each person reacting as one would expect in real life and a person’s ability to overcome was astounding. The single greatest gift you gave readers was your willingness to kill off so many or the main characters was something I’ve never seen before. While I might of disagreed with some of those deaths (mostly Ukyo), each death truly had meaning despite how anticlimactic (Konatsu, the Amazons, and even to some extent the Master or Servants) to the sacrifices Genma made protecting the Tendo’s and his wife when he finally fell in the battle. Your continuing ability to accurately show each additional the mental scar such traumatic events would cause is beyond equal right up until the very end.

Alas, this brings me to the first of only two negatives I could find in such a work of art and both take place in the final chapter (40). First off, I felt the chapter was rushed and as such somewhat inconsistent, but make no mistake even this chapter was good. I felt you easily closed out every character’s thread except the two that truly mattered, and this was my biggest disappointment… The simple fact is unlike every other character Ranma never woke up, and as such no one was able to grasp the totality of the emotional scarring this whole ordeal caused. I don’t know if this was done on purpose (since you’re writing a sequel) or not. I’m glad that you’ve since started addressing that major shortcoming in what you’ve posted so far in the sequel ‘Saving Grace’ and look forward to future postings of that story.

Lastly the second negative, (I can only shake my head as I write this since it clashes with the belief that you intently didn’t bring a conclusion to Ranma and Akane’s relationship) was the part again of chapter 40 where Sailor Pluto steps into the Time Gates at the of the chapter. I have to say this was completely botched… If you truly were planning a sequel and was waiting to address Ranma there, you shouldn’t have even broached the topic here. If instead, you hadn’t even considered the sequel then it was a train wreck of epic proportions. As you’ve yet to reveal the full extent of the trauma Ranma is still suffering in the sequel I don’t have much to offer in constructive criticism. The only thing I can suggest to fix it would be to be nowhere near as specific as you were to the when she was viewing the near future, leaving it clouded to help transition into the sequel (maybe except for maybe the part of the spires and towers of Crystal Tokyo, though I’m not a Sailor Moon fan so I don’t know the true meaning of that reference).

Regardless of how the sequel works I’d still like to see a resolution to the Ranma/Akane relationship that covers the time period between the end of this story and the beginning the sequel… An idea I’d hope you’ll consider would be a short chapter with Kasumi in a counseling session (since everyone knows Ranma and to a lesser extent Akane wouldn’t go) with several flashbacks that covered important events including Ranma waking up, their wedding, and the birth of their child. Again since no one knows where you’re entirely going with the sequel it could bring closure to this story while tying in with chapter 3 of ‘Saving Grace’ were you talked about Kasumi going into hysterics and being on prescriptions for months…

I hope to see some of the other cannon characters that I believe could have played important parts in the sequel, especially Happosai (since if anyone could be shocking enough to help break Ranma out of his shell it’d be him) and maybe even Herb (since they share the same curse and he’d spent an extended time locked as a female in a male dominate society), since by the time the sequel takes place both should have gotten wind about what happened to Ranma…
Anonymous Issues chapter 40 . 9/6/2013
It's a "nice" fanfic, but as is with all angsty stuff it leaves you with a bitter taste in your mouth... that said, even with the premise this fic presents there are still some things I wish you had done differently. For one, the whole "Ranko" thing needs to die. Ranma would never have called himself Ranko since it was associated with the role he had played when hiding from his mom... and further adding to the fanon cliche of always calling female Ranma "Ranko" will only create more disgusting fanon naming (like Narusuke and crap).. So Ranma could have used another name... any really...

Another problem is that I doubt Tatewaki would have called her Ranko or even remembered it. He KNOWS that her name is Ranma, he has just blocked it or conveniently not given it any thought (remember he actually wrote her name down)... so when Ranma presented her as "Ranko" a more interesting scenario would have been if Tate would have gone:

"Pah! Do you think me a fool Saotome? Do you think I know not the true identity and name of the pigtailed girl?"

Given this, it could be implied that he believed that the male Ranma had taken the female Ranma's name (thus stealing her body and sole/I.E identity theft) and that Ranma was now using the female Ranma to pay a debt. OR, he could keep his mouth shut, and once the female Ranma was acquired he would have told her that he knew her name and that she didn't have to hide it since she was no free from the impostor Ranma.

There are other problems as well... I can't see Tatewaki accepting the female Ranma as a "sex slave" at all. He would have wanted her bought but as one that he could marry and would never accepted her being put through what the people being sold at the auctions are. So right there he was extremely OOC. But all those things would have changed the story greatly. A smaller change (although interesting) would have been if Ranma being spayed (for the period of the slave contract) would have been a farce and that she was able to get pregnant. Now imagine Ranma being pregnant and finding this out AFTER she had killed her child's father. Also, imagine this having happened way into the pregnancy so that she wouldn't feel it was right to get an abortion... now imagine that Akane really hadn't become pregnant or that Akane had had a normal miscarriage long before Kunou's goons went after and tried to kill the child. The possibilities to create even greater angst is truly there... Why don't you create such an alternative version of this fanfic? (and when where Sailor Pluto gets her butt spanked since she was the true monster of this story and we all hate her)
Oakshaden chapter 21 . 8/2/2013
Far too much pointless violence for my taste. It got to the point where the descriptions of deaths just detracted from the story.
Shinzochi chapter 40 . 3/29/2013
personally i really dislike Setsuna because of her being the manipulative old beyotch that she is all just so her precious "Crystal Tokyo" could happen when she knows damned well it isn't needed cause this planet has enough rulers as it is and doesn't need another one cause there is no way the world governments are gonna sit idle by and let Serenity become queen of the planet and because of that all the innocent lives taken/blood spilt is mainly on her hands but the lives taken / blood spilt is also on the hands of both Kuno males and all of the other people of influence in these societies that just cause they have money that they have the right to screw with other peoples lives just for their own entertainment/greed/power
Preier chapter 36 . 2/26/2013
very impressive story.

the characterization of kuno and the way slavery has become acceptable enough for him to act the way he does... "la banalité du mal"... darker side of slavery, indeed.

thank you for sharing your tales.

PS: i'm also getting "shadowrun" vibes from your story, wonder if we'll get to see the "great crash" or its forerunnings in your sequel
Kalladin1989 chapter 40 . 2/14/2013
I loved the story and I'll keep posting reviews as often as I can. You an amazing author. Will keep following you as long as I'm on this site.
Guest chapter 1 . 2/13/2013
I hope crystals tokyo burns for the amount of sacrifice from good people. Setsuna deserve death for all her sins.
Rose1948 chapter 40 . 2/11/2013
Holy Sweet Mercenaries Guild! This wound up being one heckuva awesome story! Intricate, convoluted and yes, tragic. Endings are always sad; still, all good things must come to an end. Or so they say.

Take care and thank you so very much for sharing your story.
Wharpt chapter 40 . 2/11/2013
Interesting end to the story and a good lead-in to the sequel. A couple of items I'll be interested to see will be Ranma's reaction when he learns of Usagi's role in the Shadow War and Akane's reaction when an 18-20 year-old Usagi petitions her for a night in Ranma's, not Ranko's, bed.

I do hope that the surgery on Nodoka's hand is successful in restoring it to full functionality. If it would help, perhaps a visit to the Masaki shrine to pray at the Shrine tree and a week-end stay with the Masaki's and their 'friends'.

Would Meioh-dono be a good choice as a replacement for the Shogun?
Rose1948 chapter 35 . 2/8/2013
Well, I try, hon. *chuckles* I just hope Johnny doesn't come and haunt my dreams for filking his song like that. :)

Holy Crap. It's getting deep, hon. Real deep. Not easy seeing, in print, folks I've been reading about since I first joined fanfic flying apart and all. *shudders* Nicely done, however, and I'm still looking forward to the next installments.

Take care and thanks for sharing.
Wharpt chapter 35 . 2/8/2013
Setsuna to the rescue! :)
Wharpt chapter 34 . 2/8/2013
Pyo did not suffer nearly enough for his transgressions. As for Hanh's demise, so tragically unnecessary, but so ruthessly logical. May her next life be one filled with joy.
Kalladin1989 chapter 35 . 2/8/2013
Great chapters as always. Hope more people die that I hate, such as kuno fuckface
Rose1948 chapter 33 . 2/7/2013
Holy Swizzle Sticks! Hon, this is getting deeper and deeper and deeper! I'm not only in the "What in the hell HAPPENED here?" department, I'm also in the "What in the hell is gonna happen NEXT?" department! Can't wait to see how Ranma handles the Mentalist. Or how the Mentalist handles Ranma. Either way, it's gonna be something!

02/07/2013; 9:25 PM EST
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