|Reviews for A Little Extra Help|
| blasterdog chapter 5 . 3/5/2014
Great fic man, it's so original keep it up man
| Death2Ignorance chapter 5 . 6/9/2013
not a whole lot happened in this chapter, but i believe it title is aptly named, the plan *begins* to unravel. we learned anko's fate, which was safely assumed already. anko's storyline is my favorite thing about this fic so far. she is an expendable character so her safety is not at all garunteed, nor is her reputation (as a loyal shinobi) so she could easily die a known traitor which allows for suspense to take hold.
the team make up was a bit weak in my opinion, simply switching sakura for ino, was a bit simple, but simple isnt always a bad thing. i am glad however that you didnt make a big deal out of it and have ino question why she wasnt with choji and shika, it happened and you moved on, and so did i.
the teams interaction while waiting for kakashi however i liked, sasuke's outburst was a touch out of character but well within the bounds of reality. we dont always act ourselves and once he realised his outburst quickly returned to his normal reclusive self. but my favourite part in their interaction was naruto, he was willing to jump in and physically restrain sasuke if needed but that last bit with naruto being clearly unhappy with ino's actions added a certain levity to the scene that i quite approve of.
again just to add on to the responding to reviewers thing, they also have to potential to hold spoilers, or insights to your thought on a character that i dont want to know and even as i was skipping them to write this review i caught a few things i'd rather not have.
| Death2Ignorance chapter 4 . 6/9/2013
i definitly like the dual plot lines you have going on, anko's side story was nicely done and suspenseful as i actually felt that it was plausible that she could have succeeded. though i have no idea as to the larger plot that you may have, based upon what i have read up until now i think maybe it would have been best to suspended danzo's attempted assassination for a chapter or two, instead have anko first go after koharu and homura first, using this time to develop her character a bit, as i felt the layout of her character was a touch forced, and then after two successful assassinations, which would have solidified her reputation as a top notch assassin, have her ultimately fail against danzo. but again i have no idea of the larger plot so maybe that wouldnt even be possible.
on another note i do like you slight change to the graduation test in that there were 5 jutsus to choose from, a nice, believable way to change the storyline from cannon. however you came dangerously close to bashing mizuki's character in my opinion, you didn't, but it was enough for me to stop and consider whether his actions made sense. in the end mizuki's character does have a short temper, but his final thought was what made me approve. the recognition of danzo's coup outside his own group made me feel the threat that danzo poses (which made anko's assassination storyline better) all the while justifying (in a sense) his display of prejudice so openly.
on a completly unrelated note, dont respond to reviews in story, it skews your word count and breaks the flow of the story even if it is skipped. respond to reviews by all means but do so through PMs. guest reviewers do not need to be replied to if they wanted a reply they would have logged in.
| Death2Ignorance chapter 3 . 6/9/2013
overall a decent chapter, and one that has made the future of this story seem infinitely more promising. the story is still young so obviously it is too soon to judge it but your writing is good. However at times seems a touch too immature for my tastes. for example, in the last section of this chapter you personified a ray of sunlight, much like the personification of the puddle in chapter 1, this i liked, giving the inanimate a simple personality to achieve results that they do naturally adds a fun, light paradigm to your story that is complimentary. however i thought that the ending of this went a bit too far in that the ray of sunlight transformed into a hand and slapped naruto awake. merely waking him up through the natural (and painful) experience of having the sun shining directly on your face would have sufficed.
further i am a bit unsettled (in this case unsettled being a strictly neutral term) by your changing of ino from a sasuke fan-girl to being disinterested, as i believe this (her fan-girlism) presents the author with a very measurable level of character development (i.e. watching as she grows out of it and matures) this however in itself is not a bad thing so long as you are able to develop her character in the absence of her fan-girlism. beyond that however i thought ino was done very nicely and the banter between both ino and sakura made each of the girl seem likeable despite their character flaws (essentially you didnt bash either of them so you get high marks for that). I also like how you took the time out to sketch out the rookie 9, many people on the site get upset when authors do that saying that everyone here knows what they are like but i think what you did was perfect. it was a quick sketch that showed their personality established a relationship between them and your readers, then moved on. and again you did so without bashing ( I cant stand bashing) so once again high marks.
last but not least you moved your plot foreword one step as well (i am referring to danzo's coup) i am glad this is not fading into the background of the story and that we will get to see development in it, and it seems as though you plan for the third to take decisive action (if the implication of capital punishment was anything to go off of) which i am looking foreword to seeing. like i said at the beginning, its too early to judge this story, but this chapter shows its potential, and by extension your own potential as an author.
| Death2Ignorance chapter 2 . 6/9/2013
the humour in this chapter was a bit cliche, but not overly so, i thought the hokage office scene was the most over the top bit (but at the same time it was the funniest) so you didnt cross any lines, just dont go beyond that level of cliche and you should be fine. i hope that the ending bit with danzo is going to be a major plot line as well. not only is danzo, imo, one of the most ignored 'bad' guys, but he is also one of the best so i hope that this is developed quite thoroughly.
| Death2Ignorance chapter 1 . 6/9/2013
well I have to say, your first soiree into fanfiction writing was done rather well, particularly your intro. well done.
| NaruRikudo chapter 5 . 5/10/2013
Ok the slave seal inflicts pain when the bearer disobeys their orders, why couldn't someone like Anko take it til the point where the pain would be obvious to Sarutobi? Another thing why didn't Sarutobi find anything suspicious about a person who was a candidate for Hokage, simply being taken out with no complications in a one on one fight, crippled or not?
| NaruRikudo chapter 4 . 5/10/2013
I thought the chapter was good... Up until the point where one of the Hokage's most loyal Shinobi didn't immediately abort her mission when she learned the target had 300 unknown Shinobi loyal to them and instead of leaving to inform the Hokage of this unknown threat decided to continue with a mission any REAL assassin would recognize as being nearly impossible now, meaning capture and or death, leaving a vital piece of Intel unknown to the Hokage, so you could say no, I don't like the scene of Anko's capture, simply because it should not of happened in the first place, when Hayate Gecko learned of the planned invasion in cannon, his first thought was to inform the Hokage, NOT to try and take out the conspirators, and if the Hokage had found a plot against his life, he would dispatch more than ONE Shinobi to take care of it, and would not bother with an assassination, just outright have them captured and then executed, when treason is committed, its like a free pass for him to discard any political complications because treason is the highest offense and is able to be met with death, no need to bother with hiding in the shadows, this is really the only problem I have had so far in this story, please take what I have said into consideration for future chapters.
| BajanDiva chapter 5 . 5/4/2013
It just keeps pulling me in!
| Cybrid37 chapter 5 . 5/4/2013
Personally, I'd say its some good reading material. Amazing choice of words. Pretty...poetic, if I do say so myself. Its not too over the top, nor is it too mundane. I mean, if you're gonna be reading fanfic, at least you should also learn a few things other than have fun. Therefore, I gotta say, you sir, have completely done it.
Humor-wise, I find myself chuckling during some parts of the story. Keep those. Definitely a must keep. Haha, sun rays.
I'm loving the flow of the story so far...however the part where he steals food during his younger years is a sort of an anathema to me. Especially considering the fact that he steals bread and apples. Where is his love for Ramen? Does he not confide in Teuchi and Ayame at Ichiraku's for comfort? I understand that you have to start with something for the sake of the story, but to me, I...uhh... I can't say. It just really doesnt sit well with me, y'know. Other than that everything is good.
Regarding the aspects of characters, Ino's infatuation with Sasuke being non-existent is okay, I guess, though I'd prefer it if the feeling disappears throughout the story as she develops a bond with the blond Knucklehead McSpazatron. Oh, I've Naruto seems kinda less boisterous. I've read a couple of good NaruIno fanfics and, albeit not all of them have Naruto being so loud and verbose, this one seems a little too calm for the post of Naruto. Being a little smart is fine, but I just prefer it if a fanfic sticks to the manga and doesnt tweak things too much . I.E.: Certain incidents like the Forbidden Scroll Theft, Team placements, etc. Then again, most fanfics I've read are set in alternate timelines, so, eh, I guess its fine. Besides, its your story, so keep at it. I'm just writing my mind out.
Anyway, look forward to the next chapter. I'd write my own fanfic if I werent so lazy. Haha. Then again, you cant ship what you write.
| imsabbel chapter 5 . 5/3/2013
Intersting turn of events with Anko.
You DO realize, though, that the plotting is very very weak there. That kind of de-briefing would NOT do after the mission she was sent on.
Also, if Danzou does not plan a coup the next 24h, all this would be wasted anyway, as the lack of dead Danzo should be kinda obvious to ANBU and the Hokage (except if you write them seriously mononic - which they had to be after a report of 200 ROOT agents being around that are now leaderless).
| BajanDiva chapter 4 . 3/6/2013
You can't suck a reader in and then leave them hanging like that!? What happens to Anko?! What happens to Naruto and the others!?
| zafnak chapter 2 . 2/17/2013
Uhhh...the Hokage was attacked by..paperwork? Cool
| the foxy wolf chapter 2 . 2/12/2013
love the paper coming to life and the hokage fighting it, that is new please keep it up!
| Bekky2929 chapter 1 . 2/12/2013
Damn, the angry mob and the civilian council... Hidden villages are military dictatorships. There is no such thing as civilian council. It doesn't make any sense. And the mob makes even less sense...
The council meeting is horrible. Fairness in the ninja village? Really?
Why do the authors keep doing this BS again and again?
Good writing, but the lack of logic behind the story isn't appealing. I'll give the story a chance only because of the writing skills that are above the average.