|Reviews for Girls und Panzer: Flyboys|
| angel0530 chapter 4 . 1/9
please keep on writing i cant wait for the next chapter! I love this story sooo much never stop!
| Hang Tuah chapter 1 . 10/22/2013
Hey SulliMike23. I like what you've done so far with "Girls und Panzer: Flyboys". The story idea is new and refreshing and being a hopeless romantic, I love the idea of a Miho/OC pairing. Plus, the idea of a dogfighting club to complement the tankery club is a nice combination. I personally see it as a nice salute to the upcoming World of Warplanes game.
I've got two problems though. One is most of the male characters appear little more than male counterparts of the original Girls und Panzer characters. I'm not sure if it's too late to change things now but to avoid getting flames from readers for simply copying the Girls und Panzer storyline, I suggest having all the boys' dogfight matches after their first match involve facing their opponents at venues and times completely different from the girls' tank duels with the only other exception being the final match. Somehow, the Black Forrest Academy got into an agreement with the boys' final opponents to join forces in the final match, making it a combined arms match just like the first match with St. Gloriana and St. Arthur Academies.
Think of it. In canon, one reason Miho's plan worked was she could afford to move around, outmaneuver and slowly whittle down Black Forest Academy's superior numbers thanks to the terrain. All the while, her team's movements were constantly tracked by the Black Forest Academy's lone Panzer Mk. III scout tank. Imagine the chaos Miho's plan would be in if that lone Panzer Mk. III was able to call in an air-strike? That would make the boys' aerial contribution invaluable. And yes, in keeping with Black Forest Academy's German theme, the boys' final opponents fly German WW2-era warplanes.
My final problem involves the planes. Unlike tanks, planes are a lot harder to receive upgrades due to the danger of overweight issues (thus affecting speed and maneuverability performances) and there is much less room to receive upgrades. Maybe the upgrades idea could work for the Fw-190 (depending if it's the A/D fighter series or the F/G ground attack variants) and the A6M Zero (maybe the final upgrade could even be the unused A6M8 Type 0 Model 64 variant) but I seriously doubt this could apply for the Wildcat and the Ki-43-III. I suggest somewhere and somehow, those two planes are replaced with newer designs while the Wildcat and the Ki-43-III are passed on to two newer pilots.
Finally, what other themes do you have in mind for the boys' opponents (besides British and German)? I could think of American, French, Russian, Italian and Japanese. My suggestion for the Russian theme is you also include one or two female pilots as a tribute to the Soviet woman pilots who actually fought in WW2.
| Dunedain ranger of the north chapter 1 . 10/20/2013
When are you planning on updating this story? I'd like to see what happens after the last chapter!
| Emerald Night 117 chapter 4 . 9/25/2013
Update please' there will be a GuP movie that is a direct sequel to season 1
| F-14 Tomcat Lover chapter 4 . 8/30/2013
I was reading an airplane magazine I got some time back. They found a Buffalo that had crashed in a storm prior to the Battle of Midway just off the island itself. It's a wreck, pure and simple, torn up pretty bad, but they were able to ID the bird. Thankfully, the pilot survived to swim ashore safe and sound.
I know about Season 1 not being enough... TOO DAMN SHORT!
It was shorter than ANZU FOR CRYING OUT ALOUD! EVEN KATUSHA SHORTER!
| Dunedain ranger of the north chapter 4 . 7/5/2013
Please update this story some more! I'd really like to see what happens next!
| Theralion chapter 4 . 6/8/2013
It's interesting seeing how dog fighting comes into play in the Girls Und Panzer universe. Having read "Shipwrecked," I noticed it as being very similar to that fic in several regards, but I suppose having boys getting involved in tankery is a common plot in for this fandom.
The fic seemed largely to play out like the early episodes, to the point where it came off as unoriginal and predictable. In my works, when I go to a scene that proceeds as it does in canon, I typically skip over it or describe a character's thoughts on it in order to give an alternate perspective and avoid retreading familiar scenes.
Many of the new characters seemed to come off as male versions of canon characters in personality or role, particularly the student council. As such, they did not seem very interesting to me, nor did they necessarily show how the male students' instruction from the Major would be any different from what the females learned under Ami..
I took the Mary Sue Litmus Test for Daisuke and I got a 40. Here are some of the factors that contributed to his score, which, while not being out of any grand total, puts him into the category that identifies him as a Mary Sue(or Gary Stu in his case).
-His having a tragic past, witnessing his father's death (although that's only two check marks, out of about 17)
-His skill as a fighter pilot. I put down that it was desirable in this universe, given its relation to tankery, but even without that check mark, his score is well within the "definitely a Mary Sue" category"
-His similarities with Miho, particularly in how the first chapter played out almost the same for both of them, as I mentioned before.
-Getting together with Miho, the main character, relatively quickly.
-Being the one who gets to comfort Miho and say she did the right thing (instead of Yukari, who, incidentally, happens to be paired with Miho on occasion), and getting in some of the more pointed rebuttals against the Student Council, thus incurring their wrath in a specific threat to suspend him, rather than a vague double-entendre about not being able to come to school anymore.
Another factor that isn't on the list of Mary Sue traits, but I think should be is that Daisuke is descended from a famous Japanese pilot when, at least from what I got from a cursory search, there is no indication that Hiroyoshi ever married or had children. It makes him come off as somewhat unbelievable, especially when the Nishizumi family is only indicated as being named after Kojiro Nishizumi, not his descendants.
As kimek pointed out, the Little Army manga reveals that Maho loves Miho and that her ultimate goal is to enable Miho to find her own way of tankery. A personal pet peeve of mine among the Girls Und Panzer fandom is writers who write fics without taking that into account. On a side note, in my own Girls Und Panzer fanfic, "Off The Path," which deals with the incident in which Miho saved the tank and its aftermath, my interpretation of Maho is that she, knowing that Miho was shocked and upset to hear that Maho had fired on an enemy flag tank that was saving her teammates, would know that Miho would sacrifice victory to save the other tank and not hold it against her.
There were a few minor errors, such as calling Momo "Maho" in the first chapter, characters not using the same honorifics as in canon (for example, Anzu typically calls Miho "Nishizumi-chan"), and Miho and Daisuke immediately getting on first name basis (when in canon, Saori asked almost immediately, but it took until Episode 5 or 6 for Miho to start calling her and Hana by their first names)
Some have wondered whether the student council should be joined; to that, I have heard of institutions in real life that are run by the same people, but have separate schools for girls and boys. For example, Hobart and William Smith Colleges have separate schools for girls and boys, and separate student governments for each.
On another minor note, the girl with the hairstyle as Darjeeling is called Orange Pekoe, and the other girl is called Assam. It's helpful when you write fanfiction to look at supplementary works, particularly when they reveal important information about the world and characters, especially since attention to detail is important.
To sum it up, I think that you need to work on more believable and original characters, pay closer attention to details regarding canon and think more about the world in which the fanfic is set and the story you plan to tell.
I hope you don't take this personally, and take some of this advice into account.
| Guest chapter 4 . 6/8/2013
U said it!their should be a second season.
| Koden21 chapter 2 . 4/24/2013
One thing i forgot to put in the prologe was if the St. Arthur's captin drinks the tea in the air or not.
the fat that Daisuke's family member have actual died indogfighting should make him farmor reluctant to join the club.
Also if the school is coed then shouldthe student council be joined?
| Koden21 chapter 1 . 4/24/2013
An interesting idea.
I am guessing that St. Arthur's is only using 4 planes to keep it fair?
I wonder thought how they keep dogfighting 'safe'.
| DedeTC chapter 2 . 4/12/2013
i like this story, course this is my favorite chapter
i love the miho and daisuke fluff, its so adorable i do hope they hook up
i also like the other "couples" like yuzu and hayao and Junichi and Hana
please keep going
| kimek chapter 4 . 4/1/2013
Thank you for update! While we saw girls battle the anime, it was nice to see showdown in the sky (it still turned in the flying circus, but still it was obvious that boys first try to take out stronges one - Daisuke).
I really want to see male teams of story, especially Pravda comrades.
| akh101 chapter 4 . 3/31/2013
VERY GOOD INDEED...keep making these...cause this a very good story..
and DIAMONDS TO YOU MAN!
| Sup2backup chapter 4 . 3/30/2013
Finally! Updated and also awesome chapter, looking forward to the next
| X00001 chapter 4 . 3/29/2013
Nice chapter enjoyed the dogfighting scene, i too feel your pain that girls and panzer finished but i did read that there will be a season 2 which is why the last two episodes took a while to be shown, i can't wait to see what St Arthurs planes are like