|Reviews for Sheer Cold|
| Farla chapter 1 . 1/27/2013
Don't use ' for thoughts, it's too close to the " used for dialogue and makes it look like your character is speaking aloud.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[The fact that hunting Mamoswine was illegal didn't make much difference to the man. ]
If he's doing illegal hunting, it doesn't make a lot of sense that he'd be complaining they don't keep the area clear. Officials traveling back and forth to maintain the road would make it riskier.
[the elderly man greeted jokingly ]
[ the hunter answered disappointedly ]
[the owner said encouragingly ]
[the hunter answered curtly ]
You don't need to stick an adjective on every time someone speaks. If it's obvious someone's joking or disappointed, you don't need to say it. Only put an adjective in if it adds something.
Also, you start using periods rather than commas for dialogue around here. Watch out for that.
[The hunter had been hiking along the route trail now for about an hour and a half, occasionally having to slog his way through snowdrifts that nearly reached his knees. One would've thought he'd bring snowshoes to help travel across such terrain, but the hunter was never one for snowshoes. He thought them cumbersome, not to mention a pain in the ass to get on and off. ]
I really can't fathom anyone finding snowshoes more cumbersome than deep snow itself. It also helps with the problems of snow filling your boots.
Also, it's not even up to his knees? I thought this was supposed to be a place with heavy snow. Certainly in the games it looks like it's up to your waist.
Well. This is definitely different than the usual fanfic and it's really nice to see a poacher OC, but it does seem somewhat slow. Your character's thoughts and complains get repetitive and a lot of the information is rather longwinded.
| ARCEUS-master chapter 1 . 1/25/2013
Hello Mr. Plumber. )
You're welcome, and it was nice beta-reading this chapter. Really nice, its been a while since I got to beat-read anything and it was a nice experience to do so. Especially seeing as I get beta-read a lot with my 4 betas. xD
To start of, the hunter is a sexist asshole xD and I like that. Will make me enjoy his fate later on a lot more, mwahahaha! And about Shakari and her "insider information" IT WASN'T ME I SWEAR. ... xD?
I see you didn't use some of my suggestions, but I'm glad you used some. I hope you enjoyed my work. Seeing the character information, Froslass's japanese name (Yukimenoko) is funny. Heheheh.
Nice mention of my story. I liked it. And I really can't wait to get to writing it. I'd Wonder how the freezing cold is. All of my betas live in very cold areas... while I, in turn, live in a city were its an oven! So, I live in extreme heat, I wouldn't know about the cold.
So, I can't relate to the hunter's suffering. I remember when I played this Route in Diamond. It was annoying. Very annoying.
Good Chapter and can't wait to read the rest.
| Shakari chapter 1 . 1/25/2013
Well, this certainly seems like it'll be an interesting story, though I am guilty of having insider information about it. I'm curious to see where it will go, because having a rough idea is never the same as reading an actual story. I found the connection of ANCAL to be rather amusing. Hopefully the next chapter will be good.
| Soldier of the Future chapter 1 . 1/25/2013
What's up man. SOTF here to drop you a review and I'd be damned that I finally get something to read after like hell knows how long there hasn't been any updates (at least for the stories I follow myself), haha. Once again, as this chapter was relatively short and whatnot, this review will be short itself.
For one thing, I'm glad you made a story for me to review because since I haven't written in at least 2 months, I think my writing skills are starting to fall rusty-and with this comes the dreaded obstacle for any author: demotivation. Hopefully, that setback won't interfere or impede with the progress of any future projects and whatnot...
Well, let me just start off here bu saying that when it comes to the horror genre, you'd probably do good in it because this little intro really helps. And dear lord, it's just a constant reminder of my late-night classes I have this semester: I have to slog home in sub -30 degrees Celsius weather along a dark street alone and under a hauntingly moonlit sky (no joke, since where I currently live is along the city limits). Just wonderful, heh! The only additions that would make the current situation even worse are probably Team Rocket thugs chasing you down or being stalked by a Pokemon that's after your soul.
Of course, nice mention of Arcy's story and that one hell of a dastardly Hunter J. For personal issues, I hope the former forgives me for the recent crap that's happened (although not to sound too much like an egostatistical asswipe, I had no intentions of starting it all). Since you have a clear indicator of what actually occurred, no need to mention it.
An avalanche-risk area, huh? Perfect place to snowboard, if you prefer the wilder and more dangerous side of the sport.
I know this review's a little shorter than usual, but yeah, I'm barely staying awake here as the clock slowly ticks by. So yeah, catch you on your next update.
-Soldier of the Future