|Reviews for The Scar-Faced Boy|
| Shirayuki-kitsune chapter 7 . 3/31/2013
You so far have captured the eessence of most of the characters, you have also written a most exelent piece of work so far and look forward to more from you.
| ScatterBRAIN-95 chapter 7 . 3/18/2013
Awesome chapter. I really liked how Kiba thought of Mizore, it's really sweet. And it would seem that whatever is wrong with Kiba has taken a turn for the worst. I hope the Newspaper Club are gonna be able to do something. If not, they're pretty much screwed.
Can't wait for the next chapter and I hope you'll be able to pull through of whatever got you down. You're a strong boy. See us ;)
| ScatterBRAIN-95 chapter 6 . 2/19/2013
Lol. Love this chapter. My favorite parts are how Gin got Kokoa to do an article and how he woke up. Gotta love Gin. Keep up the good work. ;)
| ScatterBRAIN-95 chapter 3 . 2/3/2013
Awesome chapter. Honeslty, there is nothing here I DON'T like. I feel bad for Kiba, but at least he's ok. Keep up the good work. See you next time. (Or tomorrow. Hint hint)
| Reader chapter 2 . 1/27/2013
Not bad. I would say that this is a step in the right direction, depending on what happens from here on out. I will admit that I prefer harem fics over single-pairings. I think that this better matches the character development in the manga because it can be hard to break the other girls away from Tsukune without making them ooc. But this is my own personal preference. Do what you think is right.
On a more important note, the manga has revealed that Inner and Outer Moka are not, in fact, two aspects of the same being. Outer Moka is an artificial personality born from the rosary and the two are actually distinct entities. They simply share a body as Outer Moka does not have a body of her own other than the rosary itself. This was an important revelation in the manga and Tsukune nearly had a mental breakdown when he discovered it in chapter 34. I realize that you are at a disadvantage because we have not yet been able to see how this all shakes out in the real story and probably won't be able to for quite some time when the current arc ends. Nevertheless, it seems that your treatment of Moka (that they are merely two halves of the same person) falls under the status quo from before the current story arc in the Manga and is no longer accurate. Honestly, I have absolutely no idea how you should deal with this predicament; I simpy wanted to let you know how things were going in canon.
In any event, you need more of a hook that draws readers in. I realize that the nature of fanfics like this is that they are episodic and come out in a piecemeal fashion, but you need to think about the structure of how it all appears to the reader, and set a pace that keeps them from getting bored. Think about the structure that a plot (or at least a story arc) should take. Introduction - conflict - rising tension - climax - resolution. You should try to introduce a conflict early on, even if it isn't dealt with straight away, in order to give the reader a sense of anticipation. The audience should feel like the story is building toward something. Not that it isn't ok for you to take some time out for a little comedy or school life sort of stuff, just make sure it doesn't feel directionless. I realize that these are just the introductory and that you probably have an overarching plot in mind already.
As you can see, I am something of a stickler for accuracy. However, I think that you are doing a pretty good job. You seem to have taken some of my comments from my earlier review to heart so I figured I should let you know what I think yet again. Your writing is still good and the story seems like it has potential. Keep it up.
| majinmonster chapter 1 . 1/27/2013
I like the first chapter please do more
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/26/2013
If you want to make a story where you have an OC in it work. Like the others suggested than the OC cannot be the center of anything or at least not 24/7. The Rosario gang need their own part of the story of their very own that does not have anything to do with the OC. Having them stand around like in this chapter where their sole purpose was for the OC is not what I call a Rosario cast involvement. Sure they can interact, but the bulk of the plot should not rely on the OC.
I guess I don't need to point out that making an OC a Mary Sue is also a no no. If you don't understand the term than Google it. A good base plot can go array if your character is a Mary Sue.
These are just my opinions mind you and take away with it what you will. Sure you have one or two people that might disagree but that's about it and as the record goes these type of stories are short lived. And don't like it don't read doesn't make sense either. How can we not know what the story is about or dislike it until we first read it.
| Reader chapter 1 . 1/25/2013
Your writing isn't bad, but I have a few issues. First of all, I think it is pretty ridiculous to write two versions of the same story. Lots of stories revolve around multiple characters and involve changing perspectives; there shouldn't be any reason that they couldn't be unified. Your characterization was fairly accurate so far, but there are also some problems. When you say "junior year" I have to assume this indicates that you are an american, like your character, and are ignorant of the fact that highschool in Japan is only three years, essentially grades 10 through 12. When you say junior, do you mean their third year or second? What about Fairy Tale? You didn't mention the Human Modification Ritual in your brief discussion of Tsukune's background. Are Fong Fong and Kokoa going to be in this story? What about Gin?
Other than that, there are the problems one would expect with a self insert OC. Despite the fact that much of it seems to be told from the perspective of Tsukune and co, it seems the OC is still the center of attention. I think it is a little dishonest to say that this story revolves around the main cast, when it will likely revolve around their reactions to the newcomer. If it follows the typical OC pattern, these reacions will be awe at his greatness, gratitude for saving them from whatever, etc. Another issue common with OCs is that the cast takes an immediate and inordinate amount of interest in him for virtually no reason. I take it you plan on pairing him up with one of the girls, given the way you have tried to place emphasis on Tsukune mooning of Moka. From what I have read so far, I would guess Kurumu. If I'm wrong, the sorry; if not, then try not to be so transparent. Finally, why would monsters be so scared and nervous around another monster anyway?
In short, you have a pretty good command of the english language. You also have a good grasp of structure and the pacing isn't bad. However, I don't think there is anything in particular that will appease those who normally dislike OCs. So far, this fic seems to follow all the typical patterns associated with them.
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/25/2013
not bad for an OC rv fic, lets see where this goes
| Zeta80 chapter 1 . 1/25/2013
| guesto chapter 1 . 1/25/2013
You expect us to believe the story will revolve around Tsukune when the story title itself suggests otherwise?
B-b-but it has Tsukune and the others in this? And? The content itself their involvement, concern, and attention was all for your character. You may be able pass that off on some, but I'm sure most of us will see this has nothing more than another OC centric story that will revolve around your character. Otherwise why name it like you have and not something that will pertain to Tsukune who the story is 'supposed' to be revolve about?