|Reviews for The Idol in Costum|
| aoikiriya chapter 3 . 6/26/2014
10 DIFFERENT APPEALS?
I'm sorry but this character is one of the worst Mary Sue's I've ever seen! And Mizuki got exhausted after 4 appeals what are you doing STOP
| Yemi Hikari chapter 1 . 6/25/2013
I decided to take a look at your profile before I wrote my review and saw this. "Those of you who dis my stories it's because I don't have time at home and my family pretty much drives me insane like 100% of the time and I can't focus on anything and spring break I have to clean and rearrange it.” If you don't want people dissing your stories then you have two choices and only two choices as the site guidelines make it clear that you the writer are not allowed to say no to legit criticism of your story. The first choice you have is to keep your story to yourself rather then posting it, while your second choice is to actually put more effort. Nobodies going to pat you on the back when they see that the story needs work, particularly when said work breaks the site guidelines rules on proper grammar, spelling, format among other things. Writing like idol work is a lot of hard work as well as a lot of practice.
Anyways... onto the actual review.
All your stories have a serious case of “Mary Sues”, “self-insert” as well as “wish fulfillment”. A “Mary Sue” is pretty much an unbelievable character that has problems with “willing suspense of disbelief”. A “self-insert” is a character created so the writer can insert themselves into the story. Said character doesn't need to be anything like them to be a self-insert, it's simply there as a stand in. “Wish fulfillment” is when a writers dreams come true in the story. Some self-insertion and wish fulfillment is all right, but it should never trump “willing suspense of disbelief”. Despite the fact this is fiction, the work still needs to have believability to it as fiction doesn't mean “not real” but “didn't really happen in real life”, which means it could have really happened given the right circumstances.
What Mikane has isn't a disease, it is a disorder. It is a kind of disorder that treatment depends on the patient. Pills work for some, others therapy works... but sadly if the person can't keep said disorder under control they will not be able to function as an idol as even music will not be able to hold off the panic attack they have being around a ton of people. (You do add in a disease later on, but... well, I'll get to that at the end of my review.)
I also have a problem believing that she has such a disorder when you have her not telling her staff where she is going as well as having a lot more spunk and social skill then someone with said disorder should have. I'm also shaking my head at her being Ichigo and Aoi's teacher as well as her knowing Mizuki. Not believable at all.
And her feeling like she betrayed them? Let me get this straight... you're trying to play it off as if she's been lying to them this whole time about being such an amazing idol despite the fact Aoi is supposed to be the number one data bank when it comes to idols. Or is it about her being a teacher? If Mizuki isn't a teacher, why would she be?
Anyways... I have looked past the first chapter. Your story just rambles and is way to focused on your OC. She becomes way to important despite the fact she isn't even a canon character. The actual canon character barely show up and the story is pretty much about how awesome your OC is. Her so called disease, which does appear later on is honestly there only to garner sympathy from the readers and add an actual plot element when she nearly goes critical.
There is nothing going for said story. It's... well... I don't know how far along you are in the series, but there is a point where Ichigo comments about how people brush off her flaws because she is a rookie. At this point in the game you are still a rookie and the goal is far away. But if you put in enough determination you can eventually get there. Sorry for not leaving a more positive review, but that is something you're going to have to get used to if you're going to post to this site.
| GemYin chapter 3 . 2/6/2013
Can you please answer me please!
| GemYin chapter 1 . 2/6/2013
I'm sorry about everything but I was trying to help. How many times a day do you check your PM?
| Guest chapter 2 . 2/3/2013
Can't wait for the next chapter. :3
| GemYin chapter 2 . 2/5/2013
This is good. Can we give you idea?
| norberto.rasetto chapter 1 . 1/30/2013
aoi ichigo ran