Reviews for Mass Effect: The First War
Trebraxio Delco chapter 4 . 2/11/2013
This is so cool. I love how this story is going so far. This is one of the best ME stories I've read, mainly because it's taking such a unique stance on what would happen. Everything so far has been very logical. I could see this actually happening in the future. Only thing that sometimes irks me: Maybe go through your finished chapter and make sure you didn't leave out any words. That happened sometimes, but, in a strictly story-centric manner, this is bombing good- for reals.
arrow monger chapter 1 . 2/11/2013
in real life dextro based alien food won't kill us what will kill us is that it's alien.
this is a link to the story just copy, paste, search.


awesome story. by the way don't listen to Gavoon he's an A-HOLE
oldtimeydude chapter 4 . 2/11/2013
It's pretty good so far. There are definitely some areas that could use some cleanup and reworked but that's true of all stories. I am looking forward to reading some more.
Michael1110 chapter 4 . 2/11/2013
Here we go:

.)Quite liked the speech at the beginning.

.)More little details of technology (cybernetic arm with holo-projectors, V-Home, Wikipedia)

.)Why would it take one hour from orbit to earth even if guiding another shuttle down.

.)Loke displaying humanity weaker/strong as it is. Clever again :)

.)Showing different Quarian Admirals and their personalises.

.)As you said... McGraw is the funniest thing... a young adult, genius and mouthful :D Every time he is involved there is something to laugh about (that door scene was beautiful; Agent Smith :D). Same "this close" to another breakthrough... I do however smell a small SI influence on him... ;D Also it seems he doesn't want his AI to sound too human... hmm
Loke/McGraw... well now his distaste makes quite sense.
On a more negative note... What is he doing playing ambassador? He my be a technical advisor, but meeting them before anyone else does?...

.)Quarians lying through their teeth. I hope this will have repercussion.
Otherwise i quite liked the meeting, showing clearly each side.
The immigration of the quarians on Eden however i don't feel comfortable with at all(!). At least the terms were reasonable. Then again isolating them on another planet in another system will probably not improve relations as fast...
It just seems too fast of trust from the Alliance's Part with their fear of the unknown and a huge gamble which in the end apparently will cause the first contact war between the Citadel and Alliance!
*golden age ruined again*

The fight will be interesting but seemingly one-sided(Which makes sense in their territory). They are attacking a core world with ODPs which easily blow their Dreadnoughts out of Space. Won't get to land much troops i would guess...
Also six days hmm... If for instance the fleet arrives two week later it would quite benefit them because of Eden still being in disarray from the newcomers and the quarians could again be too impulsive...

.)Quarians still will need to find a planet of their own to better support their physiology unless until then Rannoch again be settled... Still... Quarians en mass on Eden... The populace seems quite accepting hmm...

.)Yay for the cheering but boo for no negative response (at least you included the children :) )

.)Quite liked the portray of the Councillors. Sparatus wanting revenge for his people's death, Tevos trying to calm him and not wanting to start a war and Eistan hoping for technology from the quarian corpses...
Tevos said "don't" (not "do not")

.)Them being able to see with the Citadel Systems where a "traffic yam" is in the relay system :D Yay for Reaper trap :)

.)The Reason why Quarians had to flee and are criminals makes sense :) Desperation drives people to unpredictable actions which Tevos at least tried to deal with (even if doing it in "Asari time" *rolleyes* or being stonewalled, who knows...)

.)Spaaaaaaaaace :D

.)Yay for future energy shields not based on ezo )

.)Almost indestructible but still can be simply cut with a high powered laser? Citadel races haven't to date being able to even "scratch" it. Also already being mass produced? Rumours fact confusion...
Needs more of a reason why the Alliance was able and the Citadel Races not (removal from a Relay and even more being able of mass production)

.)I agree with Gavoon about Humans seeming to rely on AIs, but then again they also rely on many other things...
Gavoon: Look at it from their side, would you? ;D It's a fucking moral dilemma!

Well... that's that. It has it's up and downs...
Let me know what you think.

Gyre chapter 4 . 2/11/2013
War is a coming. That much is clear.
Beyogi chapter 4 . 2/11/2013
Ouch... and now the Turians will decide to kill off whomever grants the Quarians a home... Yes, I can see why the first war will happen. And considering this humanity it'll be a great war. I wonder how they'll react towards the Quarians once they know the reason for the Turians behavior.

Anyway this is awesome, I can't wait for the next chapter,
Aspriles chapter 4 . 2/11/2013
I slight nitpick, water is just water. It's biologically neutral. Reverse amino acids have no meaning when it comes to water. Also sugars and at least one planet 'mint' have reverse protein, so provided that it's not poisonous to guarians, they should be able to eat it. The whole levo/dextro thing isn't as important as its made out in the mass effect game anyways. For the most part in humans most dextro foods we eat would simple pass though us without harm. There is even evidence that our bodies would be capable of processing dextro food and converting it into usable levo protein.
Elongation chapter 4 . 2/11/2013
This is an interesting story, but i think that six days are not time enough to settle or increase relations between quarians and humans. No time enough for quarian and human scientist to cooperate or begin to develop anything.
If the turians fleet is going to attack, there no means that this " no consolidated alliance" can survive.

You should expand your six days to six month at minimum.
lkansdlkjasdpfokk chapter 4 . 2/11/2013
God its SOOO good that i have power again, got stuck in Nemo (whoever gave the name is an idiot) so ive been out of power since Fri.

And chris is even better in this story XD good to see that Energy Shields are being made, using Kinetic Barriers and Mass Accelerator weapons would be a step back. Thats the woder of AU!

The council seems to be even more of shit heads, they must have some kind of therapy or pill for that. "Shit head Therapy! Hur hur hurr"
mr.read7 chapter 4 . 2/11/2013
Really cool chapter! I can't wait for the next one!
PenAndKey chapter 4 . 2/11/2013
Genocide by forced neglect and exile combined with a bruised ego and a superiority complex on the part of the Turians. Boy, I'm sure humanity's going to love their introduction to the greater galactic community.

I did notice one thing though and I'm not sure if it's a typo or an attempt by the Quarians at subterfuge: they said they were attacked by the Batarians, not the Turians. Given that humanity doesn't know the difference between the two it seemed a strange thing to lie about.
Guest chapter 4 . 2/11/2013
this is a realy good chapter hope to see more soon
Guest chapter 4 . 2/11/2013
I too find my suspension of disbelief brought to the breaking point - a BioWare trait that you probably don't want to emulate. I understand you're obviously ECSTATIC to get to the point where the Humans stomp on the Turians throats and tell the Council to blow-it out their ass, but you meed to temper the flow and structure of your narrative, it makes the experience of your story all the more compelling and you're obviously trying to put for the effort to make reliably decent fanfic. Other than that, don't stop writing! EVER!
edboy4926 chapter 4 . 2/11/2013
Awesome chapter
Roku - Molester of Science chapter 4 . 2/11/2013
Damn! Now the Turians are gonna be smashed in the most epic spacebattle since( and before) the retaking of Earth!

Citadel News:
"The Council has just informed us that the sworn enemy of the galactic council, the Quarians, have allied themselves with a newcomer race, whose name we do not yet know. Turian First fleet is inbound to remove the Quarians and these upstarts.

Citadel News, next day:
"It appears that the Turian First Fleet has been... destroyed. In the events following the demand for the delivering of all Quarians from their newly colonised planet, the 'humans' as they are now known, deployed gargantum warships, dwarfing both Dreadnaughts and Liveships alike. These ships were practically in-destructible and a single Human ship took over seven Turian Dreadnaughts to destroy. Reports confirms that more humans are now en route to the Citadel.

Citadel News, next day:
"All Hail our new supreme overlords! All Hail The Humans and The Quarians's systems Alliance! Please don't kill us!"

Man, I have no Idea how you do it, but you keep giving me the chills.
Also, I was kinda worried those two secret service guys were actually Cerberus, and wanted to start a human/Quarian war. Thank God I was wrong!
And now, we will see the "first" contact war, as it should have been; With Humanity kicking ass and defending Tali's race!
Ho, wait a second! If this is the year 2201... is Tali an old woman now!?
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