|Reviews for Mass Effect: The First War|
| TsundokuAdept chapter 22 . 7/21/2016
I love this!
| 1529 chapter 21 . 7/20/2016
A very good story. A few weaknesses that are common in all but the best longer fiction, but overall very good.
I will comment that motivation is something that needs to be carefully thought of, some actions in this story seemed to contradict what the characters should have done. I think Tom Clancy said it best, for motivation look at MICE: money, ideology, conscience, and ego. Just about everything can be devolved to those motivations and actions make sense to those who take them.
Anyway, very good story.
| Guest chapter 15 . 7/12/2016
Uranium is *not* an explosive. When nuclear weapons get blown up by an external force, they do not and cannot chain-detonate.
| Guest chapter 3 . 7/12/2016
"I" Said Sri.
"I" Said Talo.
"I" Said Jorran.
The word for a yes-vote is spelled "Aye", not "I".
Also, when you quote dialogue, capitalize and punctuate like this:
- "I'll be there," said the admiral.
Not like this:
- "I'll be there." Said the admiral.
The latter is only correct (and obligatory) when you're not using "said" or a similar verb:
- "Hey, it's your money." The driver shrugged. "No business of mine how you spend it."
(And of course only periods turn into commas; question marks and exclamation marks need no further decoration.)
| Guest chapter 2 . 7/12/2016
"symbol for the Greek [If he remembered it right] letter, Sigma, 'Σ'."
Not "the symbol for ... Sigma". Just "Sigma". It doesn't have a symbol that stands for it; it _is_ that symbol, in exactly the same way that the English letter 'S' is.
| Avo385 chapter 9 . 7/12/2016
I don't know if you understand just how antimatter works or if you just decided to go with what Hollywood has led people to believe. Antimatter and matter destroy each other in equal amounts, not create giant explosions that destroy everything nearby. You can only destroy an equal amount of matter to what you have in antimatter. The weapon that the guy just finished making is quite literally useless unless used in a perfect vacuum, which doesn't exist naturally anywhere, not even in space.
| XxHerefor NowxX chapter 19 . 7/4/2016
I love this story so much. Btw Chris is so cringe worthy, especially the interview
| Ibskib chapter 11 . 6/7/2016
You have mentioned asymmetric war before, it seems to me you don't really understand what that term means, because that is certainly not what is taking place here.
From time to time I've noticed some pretty poor word choices, mostly adjectives that didn't fit, like 'paradoxical' in this chapter, word repetition, and general wordings that just made certain sentences come across as clumsy, or just like something a real person wouldn't have said in that situation.
Also, I really hate McGraw, he's just about the most obnoxious cartoonish maverick I've ever come across, everything about his character is overdone, and adds nothing to this story that couldn't have been done better with a few paragraphs mentioning breakthroughs from humanity's foremost researchers instead, at this point I just skim read whenever his character pops up.
| Ibskib chapter 1 . 6/7/2016
it's - its
I noticed that you often use an apostrophe when you intend to use a possessive pronoun, which is an error, and something you get wrong just about half the time.
It's: a contraction of 'it is'
Its: the possessive pronoun
There were a few other mistakes, typos, missing words etc. all in all a bit more proofreading would be advisable.
| Zeru'Xil chapter 5 . 6/3/2016
O hate the council races 70% of the time
This falls into the hate % lol
| DownloadWasTaken chapter 8 . 5/22/2016
Your nuclear weapons codex entry shows an incredible amount of ignorance on the topic. Ignorance that could be corrected with 30 minutes of browsing wikipedia.
| SCYPHER16 chapter 4 . 5/8/2016
I applaud your look at details and make it into the story. Great work
| airmailmrcool chapter 7 . 5/4/2016
I'm sorry but this is super-duper contrived and I am having trouble following it. An reluctance to expand is a unique trait amongst sci-fi writing that I can understand, as is the xenoparanoia. However, the idea that the humans would let aliens in this quickly and with this little oversight and then go on do defend them to the death is just not believable, you need to set this up over a longer time span. You have written so much that I am hopeful that you have structured better further down the line, it seems like you really enjoy it. Thank you very much for sharing your hard work with us.
| airmailmrcool chapter 2 . 5/4/2016
'Summer Contingency'... hmm XD
| Holotenty chapter 17 . 5/1/2016
*seated in silence*
*starts clapping very slowly*
*stands up while still clapping*