|Reviews for Emma's Dilemma|
| Guest chapter 4 . 6/2/2013
| MeowLuver chapter 1 . 4/10/2013
Nice choice of words. Nice descriptions too! And i liked the cliff hanger :D
Gd job! Keep up the good work!
| Littleblackstar chapter 3 . 2/19/2013
I like your story. Interesting plot, but a very short updates. Please, please update faster and with longer paragraphs. Luv the story.
PS: I like CB stories to have a little TancXEm romance, so I beg you add some of that
| Imaginar chapter 1 . 2/15/2013
I love your story, great start for you. (I'm a starter here too) :)
Anyways, you can make the story longer, otherwise it's wonderful. I seriously love the last sentence. Fabulous.
Other authors already pointed out some of your mistakes, so remember what they said. :D
Next time when you write your second story, remember to space out your lines for dialogue etc. Also, you can add in some line breaks or chapters (just remember to write more than 300 words!)
By the way, I love your style. I can tell that you know how to write humour (which I don't). So please teach me!
Okay, another suggestion. You can elaborate more on the LINE part, because not everybody knows what LINE is, and also more description on the characters and more thoughts for them.
That's all of my suggestions! Good luck!
I'm looking forward to your next story/update!
| Piko Niko chapter 1 . 2/10/2013
I like the plot twists and the dialogue between Emma and Olivia, but there are a few things that you could improve on. Every time a new person speaks, there should be a new paragraph.
"Hi, Liv!" I said as I bounded into our dorm.
Liv immediately turned away from the window. "Oh, hey Em."
I walked over. "Watcha looking at?"
Also, there are a few spelling/grammar errors, but not a lot. On example is "gold, tangles hair. . ." I'm pretty sure you meant "gold, tangled hair." Also, "LIv, are you okay?" should be "Liv. . .
Also, maybe you could give a few more visual details? You're very descriptive with Olivia, but no so much with Emma. I noticed that you say window a lot in your first paragraph ("Liv. . . away from the window", "She blocked off my view of the window", "I pushed her away from the window"). However, you don't really say what the window looks like (ie. Is it tall, musty, clear, clean, framed with an exquisite wooden designs, stained with paint, so dusty that it allowed only the most minimal light to pass through, etc?).
Please don't think that I hate your story or that I'm trying to be mean. I absolutely love the Manfred/ Dorcas angst part as well as the second half of the first paragraph. Those were really nice plot twists.
Can't wait for your update!
| The Gone Angel chapter 1 . 2/8/2013
A little short, but what can I say? I admit, I came here to give CC and I have no clue what the Charlie Bone series is. XD
I assume you're Chocolates's friend she's talking about, since she reviewed this.
"Watcha looking at?" It's Whatcha, and I barely use 'whatcha.' I use 'What are,' but I suppose if the characters talk like that...
"LIv, are you okay?" Uncapitalize the 'I' in Liv. :D
"I tried to smile. I couldn't. But I did anyway." Wait, what? -.- I don't get that. If she couldn't, then that means she didn't smile...but then she did? I don't know.
Try spacing out the stuff so it is easier to read. ;)
| Chocolates.Are.The.Best chapter 1 . 1/31/2013
Welcome, to the fanfiction world, my friend. This is a place where people from all around the world get together and write stories - and they are more than happy for you to join them. XD
Not bad, a few typos here and there:
"Watcha looking at?", "Whatcha looking at?"
"LIv, are you okay?", "Liv, are you okay?"
Hmmm, about LINE, you can elaborate about that. See, when you write for people to read, it's best to assume they do not know everything. So you have to elaborate. :D
I like the last line. It's a cliffhanger - which makes readers more interested. [I'm sure you know that, and I'm also sure you're wondering why this crazy author is pointing that out to you. /shurgs/ Just can't help it XD]
Overall, it's a pretty good chapter for a new author - just some mistakes here and there. More elaboration would be nice, particularly in what the characters feel and what they think. That's usually the most interesting part of reading, and writing a story - getting deep into a character's mind and just create something out of it. XD