|Reviews for The Next Great Adventure|
| TRGrene chapter 15 . 12/30/2019
Where is Dobby we have not seen him for most of the story.
| Guest chapter 14 . 12/17/2019
"Then the question becomes 'who is going to protect the ship while the others work on taking Karazhan?'," Harry concluded. "We're also more than a week behind schedule. We need to hurry, but we can't afford to rush." He turned to Sylvanas and said, "I finished designing the ritual yesterday. Now we just need a place to perform it."
What schedule? Why do they have a schedule? Who made the schedule? Why are they on time constraints? You can't just make people say shit because you saw it in movies.
| Guest chapter 13 . 12/17/2019
So exactly how had things gone wrong? Harry could just summon his wand and get out, apparently. Also, he has no immunity to poisons?
Are you even trying with the consistency of the story? And what is up with the amount of shitty angst backstories?
| Guest chapter 12 . 12/17/2019
Ok, first of all, can you stop obsessing over rapists? I cringe every time at your childish attempt at using a serious problem for cheap tension.
Gnolls are like Hyenas. And just as you hold no sexual attraction for Hyenas, the vice versa is also true.
Furthermore, a short look into the wiki shows that Gnolls are much more likely to treat you as literal meat, than a sexual piece of meat.
Second of all, why is Jasmine being hated by Si 7? Why would she be "retired" if she returns, other than your need to create "tension" by making up bullshit personal issues so Harry can be super kewl and solve them.
She is one of the best agents, and one of the most trusted ones, considering she is supposed to be spying on such a mysterious organization. Also, why the fuck is she so surprised and anti-crime? She is part of a spy organization that assassinates people. She made it clear that SI7 agents being killed by their own for literally no reason is an expected behavior. But she acts shocked that Harry wants to recruit someone who might be a criminal?
| Guest chapter 11 . 12/17/2019
Why are everyone surprised at expansion charms? They got magical pouches that can hold 30 full armor sets.
Also, consistency issues. You noted that 10 gold is enough for a family to live for a week, but then said that Jasmine was only paid 2 gold per week.
Also, Jasmine was drugged for 3 hours, but there was only a 0.5 hour timeskip after the talk. So did the talk take 2.5 hours?
| Guest chapter 10 . 12/17/2019
Congrats. Your story actually have male members, which is a significant improvement over many others. Just don't sideline them.
| Guest chapter 8 . 12/17/2019
So, we have
1) Harry throwing an anger tantrum at Death, when she seems to be worried about him. He needs to get his anger under control. Also, apparently Death is now under him for no discernible reason. Apparently, you decided to dig yourself into a deeper hole.
Also, apparently, Death is a child who can't handle emotions, despite infinite years old. Also, why is she suddenly feeling emotions? Does her magic have a random clause, which for unknown reasons, forces her to do so? Why would it?
2) Sylvanas acting like a fucking child.
3) Seriously? You are trying to claim that Harry's armor has no defense against physical weapons? When he lived in a world with guns and knives, and magical creatures like werewolves? When he frequently went into melee combat with his sword? When many spells uses physical objects as a medium? Lol. You are just digging yourself into a deeper hole.
Furthermore, let's dig into this a bit more. His armor, simply by it being made out of dragonskin, should have provided a lot of physical protection. And what are the enchantments for, anyways? Magical defense? Even though the armor itself, as you've noted, is already highly magically resistant?
So, the problem you are having is this. You just make things happen. You want something, and you just write it, with no regards to logic or consistency. Then, when someone points that out, you try to backpedal and patch it up, again, with no regards to consequences, ending in even more problems.
Your other problem is that you seem to be incapable of writing any character other than angsty teenagers. Makes sense since you seem to be more focused describing physical attributes than making an actual character. This makes you fit to write a high school Harem anime, not about supposedly mature people.
You've clearly seen Supernatural. Some of the dialogues of Death is taken straight from that. Now, compare your Death, with that Death.
| Guest chapter 7 . 12/17/2019
Do you know how much of a Black Hole Sue you just made Harry?
This group included EVERY leader of the horde, their guardians, Leader of the sentinels, and a dragon aspect. And they needed Harry to come same the day against some cultists.
| Guest chapter 5 . 12/17/2019
Everyone of your immortal dude seem to be an angry teenager. Like Death, last chapter, who in this chapter, had an explicit change of heart. Also, why is he a girl? It's was pretty well implied that it was a dude. Minor details.
However, what is not minor is how ridiculously Mary Sue this scenario is. Like seriously? The night elves just randomly decided to aim their weapon at him. He just randomly decided to act like a pissed off teenager again. The cuffs break. Then one of the most elite sentinels couldn't control her trigger finger? Lol.
That's what a Mary Sue is. He has the plot bending backwards to make him look cool. There is so much stupid shit in that part alone that I can't outline them all. You DESTROYED your story in multiple ways with that plot-bending.
Just a small example: the night elf one shoted him, through his armor. The armor was made up off dragon or basilisk or some other bullshit, and apparently enchanted to oblivion. This armor failed to prevent an arrow, shot by mistake (and thus not full power), from a new sentinel (who also is one of the most elite somehow), from completely destroying his heart and lungs. Do I need to say more?
| Guest chapter 3 . 12/16/2019
So, this is what a Mary Sue chapter looks like.
Just ask yourself, what was the point of the first half of the chapter? Showing off Harry. Making people go "oooh, ahh", at him. Now think how ridiculous the plot is. Think how much the plot is bending, just so Harry could look cool.
Full on Mary Sue right here.
Also, seriously, if you can't write a mature character, don't write one. Apparently, this Harry is still an emotionally unstable teenager who still haven't gotten over his issues. I'm sure you've been told that personal drama is important. However, I'm telling you that a mature character needs to be mature, and filling in the plot with pointless wangst does not make your story better.
| Guest chapter 2 . 12/16/2019
1) This is extremely similar to Wizard Runemaster. There are other starting points, you know.
2) Arko'narin was captured to be a sacrifice. She is not naked. There is no intention of rape, EVER. Don't put that in. It's a serious issue, not something cheap for you to use because you need cheap thrills.
3) I think it would be hilarious if Harry just decided to use his dimensional jump again.
4) Going over things in multiple POV is often lazy filler.
5) Even on minor details, you have to be consistent. Otherwise, you ruin the suspension of disbelief. Arko just ate, and ate well. Why was her stomach mostly empty when puking?
6) Your Harry is retarded enough to magically exhaust himself escaping. Has he EVER done that in the novels? Not only that, he is a 40-50 year old veteran. Why are you writing him like a rookie? If you aren't able to write competent characters, don't say they are competent.
7) Your author note worries me. Your note about God-like Harry suggests that you are going to try to avoid making him a God Mode Sue by turning him into a Idiot Ball Sue, who, despite supposedly being super competent, makes retarded mistakes for plot reasons, and somehow deus ex machinas himself out of it.
Your note about animagus suggests that you just want things, and intend to cram them in without regards to sense or planning.
A reminder that despite what the uneducated screams, a Mary Sue is someone who all other characters worship and who the plot bend over backward to facilitate. Don't worry about someone being overpowered. Worry about whether the plot is being warped. Worry about if the characters act as they should.
| Guest chapter 1 . 12/16/2019
Ron, the Deatheater; Hermoine, the still-acting-like-a-brat-even-though-she-is-an-adult; Harry, the I-wanna-be-normal-but-I'm-becoming-OP: already a bad start to a fanfiction.
| pepejohn chapter 15 . 12/13/2019
Fun read, wish it was still active
| Guest chapter 14 . 11/19/2019
Don't ever listen to what the trash below just spewed from his ignorant fucking mouth. Be your self and improve he gave the worst review I've seen in awhile. Worst part is he's probably a trash writer himself based on the reviews grammar... keep up the good work and good luck on future endeavors!
| Guest chapter 13 . 11/7/2019
I was already extremely annoyed at the way you write. I was beyond agrevated at how seemingly stupid you are. Then this giant puddle of shit was dropped in our laps.
I can’t stomach any more of this garbage. I like the plot idea. You are just a shitty writer and can’t do the idea justice.
Now I’m pissed. Pathetic. You failed so spectacularly that I can’t bare to read furthur.
The whole flashback thing that a lot of tv shows do? Stupid. More so in a book.
Tired of the author only hinting at shit CONSTANTLY. And it’s mostly because harry keeps being so damn vague about everything. So annoyed at asshole harry that I don’t care about him as a character any more. 13 chapters is beyond long enough to start getting answers. Instead you decide to, like a retard, completely change your entire writing style into some stupid lame flashback bullshit I hate with a passion.
Harry is also too stupid for words. I can only assume it’s because the author is also retarded. A person can’t really write a character more intelligent then the writer is. So an entire book full of morons, I can only gather you rode a short bus to school.