|Reviews for The Next Great Adventure|
| Kellhound chapter 15 . 3/8
| Aeonir chapter 3 . 3/6
Word fail me when I try to descibe how epically retarded that confrontation was on all accounts and from all angles and motivations. And the fact that the alliance has THAT low of a level of cooperation at WotLK/Cata, to the point where Night Elves would actually kill a human that saved one of their own from fucking DEMONS and on top of that scorn their own for being saved and not having the good sense to kill herself or die or something...
In any case, I'm getting the fuck out of here before I catch whatever mindrot you have.
| KhazintheDark chapter 15 . 3/5
Followed favourited and loving it.
| LordXeenTheGreat chapter 15 . 3/5
| LordXeenTheGreat chapter 14 . 3/5
| LordXeenTheGreat chapter 13 . 3/5
| LordXeenTheGreat chapter 12 . 3/5
water slides are awesome!
| LordXeenTheGreat chapter 11 . 3/5
Excellent chapter ...i like the whole unspeakable ideal
| LordXeenTheGreat chapter 10 . 3/4
| LordXeenTheGreat chapter 9 . 3/4
Nice guild name
| LordXeenTheGreat chapter 8 . 3/4
| LordXeenTheGreat chapter 7 . 3/4
Nice way to make a lasting impression
| LordXeenTheGreat chapter 6 . 3/4
Nice new companion
| Satan Santa chapter 15 . 2/28
too many characters, not enough back story. While having varied and interesting people to write with are necessary to a good story, introducing someone, using them for a chapter or two, then ignoring them completely leads to too much confusion to the reader. Alurmi and Arko are two such characters. They both had potentially amazing back stories to create, explore and flush out before resolving, but that was several chapters ago. Other than being mentioned once or twice through each of the new chapters (or at the end with the character list) they and many of the other characters you have just aren't used.
Try to approach this like mass effect. While there are the main story line missions where you have several characters with you (who use typically stereotypical lines and generalized statements across the spectrum) and also their personal missions where you learn more about them while doing some favor for them or doing good in general.
Unrealistcally a group this large and with this many varied persons and species would not be this calm together. While Harry would keep it from escalating into straight violence, there would still be scuffles, jockeying for position, and just general monkeying around as each member attempts to find their place around Harry. This is also important because it allows the reader to connect more to the characters and allows them to see them as real people rather than just characters in a story.
On note of the animagus form(s). I truly hope you don't make Harry a Basalisk. Other than being useless against his future undead enemies (how can a death stare kill something already dead?) it's a wholy impractical form against dragons who can simply fly away from him. While a dragon might seem overpowered you do have the chance of making it so he cannot control it very well, which would allow aluri to give him "dragon lessons" and provide for some comical relief as he learns how to fly, hunt, breathe fire (Be great if he tried while in human form and some how lit himself on fire.)
In the first few chapters you talked in great length about how Harry had runed his armor to protect against magical attacks which I approve of. But other than a mention of him intending to add physical protection runes we don't know anything what's going on in that front as you never mention that project again.
Pairings: There are many potential pairings you can do in this story, and I truly hope you pair none of the characters you have mentioned so far. I again refer to my earlier statement of making your characters seem more real before attempting to pair them with anyone unless you intend to turn this into some sort of smut fic, in which case do as you please.
I do hope you continue writing this story and consider my not so friendly-friendly criticism. It has great potential and I wish you luck in your future writing endeavors.
| Atharos chapter 15 . 2/28
Excellent rewrite, I read up to chapter 9 before it you rewrote it and it was like reading a completely different story when I revisited it. I liked the old story, but his one is even better. There's now much more detailed backgrounds and I liked the way you did the flashback/perspective changes in one. My only concern is that you seem to be introducing new characters fast, while the roster list at the bottom helps to remember who they are, how important are these characters going to be? Are they going to be pivotal allies or one of many tragic losses in the war against Harry's enemies?