Reviews for Star Wars: An Emperor's Hunger
timbryanscott chapter 20 . 3/6/2014
Well, it's been a while, but figured you guys still need that review.

This chapter had a lot going on in it; quite a few changes in POV, and while the characters all had their performances and their emotions displayed well enough, in all honesty it was difficult for me to focus on the less established characters (like Lian and Kaai) when 'Ivix, Estela, and Jaster were at the forefront.

Speaking of whom, Estela and Jaster. Just as Estela has grown more trusting of Jaster, Jaster is almost too easily persuaded by 'Ivix to do his bidding. Granted, he doesn't have much choice here in the matter, but he seemed all too eager to throw Estela into the proverbial fire when told he could become a "general." The fact that he didn't think much of his and Estela's current struggle for survival during this may have been an oversight, because if I was stuck with someone who I'd depended on, even if I disliked them, I would still be more trusting of them than I would be of a Sith. And here he clearly doesn't dislike Estela; in fact, a bond has begun to form between them. They may not consider each other to be friends, but the sudden jump to selfishness seemed a bit jarring in how it was portrayed.

Estela's dream was vivid, terrible (not in the bad sense. :P), and very well written. I can only hope she's strong enough to keep up the good fight in the chapters to come.

'Ivix was himself, and that alone is enough to know he's pulling the strings and making the plans. A very calculating character, and he continues to fulfill his role here. Not much of a surprise, but still "good" to see.

Mentioned it several weeks ago, but upon rereading it certainly feels like the set-up chapter to the next event. Will Estela's will hold up? Will Jaster have any remorse or regret for his actions after seeing her? Will Drakal do whatever he's going to do? And will Lian and Kaai get the advocates they need to get the mando clan?

Tune in next time for another exciting installment of An Emperor's Hunger!

Brains
timbryanscott chapter 19 . 11/2/2013
Glad you guys are still at it! Now for my part.

Couple things on this chapter. First, should start with Drakal and Delia. Drakal's betrayal has been a long time coming, I would say. Though it seems he's given up on taking Estela as an apprentice or turning her, and has simply gone with Delia. Plans change, I suppose, but it's still a fitting move. Was expecting his betrayal against Ivix for some time now, but it's interesting how it was in this manner.

Something about Drakal seems a bit... static, to me. He's been relatively unchanged through this story; though we have seen more "human" sides to him before (such as when he meets Delia in the cantina and kills the mando), here he's very single-minded. He plays his part, as do all of the characters, but by contrast Ivix has become both more complex and rounded. Yes, Ivix has his interests at heart as well, but there's been a gradual change in his demeanor; even if it is to further his goals, he genuinely seems to have taken responsibility for Dia, and may even care for her. Despite being "Sith," he has almost redemptive qualities that show sophistication in his character, greying the lines between "good" and "evil" as he plots one minute and comforts the next. It's my opinion, of course, but were some more defining moments to happen to Drakal (such as a deal going wrong with the Emperor's men, or a revelation of corruption that shakes his own loyalties), it would improve his character as a whole.

Dia's part in Drakal's plan was done well, even as Ivix knew it was unfolding. Seems rather fickle in terms of her want for power, but again, Ivix' renewal of his promise has wooed her back. And her own promise is pretty strong as well.

Despite the making nice with each other, there's still the plot to turn Estela, in addition to the other Sithly deeds that have occurred. Was disappointed not to see either Jaster or Estela here, but it was a solid chapter and a good read. Looking forward to the next one!

Brains
timbryanscott chapter 18 . 8/17/2013
Woo hoo! A new chapter!

I've mentioned it before, but I'm really enjoying the development between Jaster and Estela. A few hesitant steps here and there, a few fleeting moments of trust that pierce otherwise walled off emotions and defenses they set up for themselves... all leading to a stronger relationship. I'd say they might even consider themselves friends soon enough (maybe even more, down the way?). Jaster may have been close to a monologue at one point, but his tale was intricate and well illustrated.

Ivix is still behind the scenes and making plans, though it seems that things are not as secretive as he might have thought. I like the Sith meeting here, and the involvement that it hints at. Perhaps the Sith are getting restless, or even fearful, of what Darth Traya's holocron may have to offer Ivix; either way, it is a potential source to immense power, one that few Sith could resist.

Dia's getting more passionate, and even offering to betray her current master. Fickle, but it plays to her character, and I'm willing to bet her impatience in pursuing power will get her in trouble. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and whatever Dia is going to cook up probably isn't going to be pretty.

I would mention something about the wait, but I'm just glad to see another chapter out from you guys. Great work as always!

Brains
war sage chapter 18 . 8/16/2013
good chapter
Doctor Life MD chapter 1 . 7/24/2013
This is a damn nice story and I agree about the part where most of the Star Wars stories about everyone being good and joining the Jedi or so on. This is a great story for a change. I am just going to continue reading it in my free time.
Though, the Old Republic days never interested me that much, mainly because of starships and Clones that were thousands of years later, during the Rise of the Empire, but still, it's a good read here. Very enjoyable and the secrets in the storyline... oh yeah!
timbryanscott chapter 17 . 6/24/2013
Been a few days, but I'm still here. :P

Really liked Drakal's thought's and dialogue here. Helps to humanize him a lot more than previous chapters; instead of just being perceived as a monster (though his torturing of Estela is hard to construe otherwise). The bar fight, talking with Delia, his thoughts on the ship... all of it with well-crafted and realistic dialogue, emotions, and plenty of description to draw you in. Pure excellence.

Ah ha, Estela is starting to warm up to Jaster after all! I'd hoped she'd get around to healing his finger; glad to see that you didn't disappoint! I liked Jaster's POV on this one; while I'm curious as to Estela's thoughts, her actions do more than enough to portray her feelings on the matter. While they're still not best of friends, they've got to trust one another when they're the only non-Sith on the ship, and this was a great step in the right direction. Some good ole' reconciliation is always great to see. I wonder, will they have more time to talk in the next chapter? And when might Jaster bring up his past? So many things to build up. :)

'Ivix didn't get much face time here, but what he got is quite significant it seems. Some classic Darth Traya stuff there; looking to see what he decides to do with the teachings if/when he finally comes upon them. Definitely creepy, but perfect all the same.

One possible suggestion; when Kreia/Traya speaks to the camera. "Hello, future watcher" doesn't seem to give it enough creepiness/impact. Perhaps you might replace it with just "You," or even skip the greeting altogether.

i.e. *Stares into camera* "You. Can you sense the death of the force..." (think I like this one better)

Or Just *Stares into the camera for a moment, begins slowly and deliberately* "Can you sense the death..."

Depends on your opinion, of course. Just a suggestion!

Nozz, Revan, Grunt. You guys know what you're doing, and you're doing it well. Keep up the great work! :D

Brains
Sachmis chapter 16 . 6/18/2013
This chapter strikes me as "the calm before the storm." Like when Hulk punches through a wall with one hand, and there's that brief moment where he flexes his fingers. I like it.
timbryanscott chapter 16 . 6/18/2013
Another chapter out in less than a week. Now that's what I'm talking about!

Hmmm, a chapter full of deals and Sithy stuff, as well as further plot developments? Interesting.

I'm curious to see what seems to be going on with Kaai, and how that will tie in with the group. 'Ivix is still the one with the master plan, and his "deal" with Jaster seems to be a big part of that plan. Estela's reaction to both Drakal and Dia was excellent, and Dia's revelations to her, while not enough for her to fall, have certainly opened her mind to possibilities.

Couple of small nitpicks/suggestions:

During 'Ivix conversation with Jaster, just when Drakal appears:

-"she means exactly that, and speaks with my authority."- 'She' needs to be capitalized.

-"And what makes you think I obey you?"- Nothing wrong with this, but an exclamation might be needed as well, just for extra punctuation. [ ?! ]

This chapter is one of the best yet, in my opinion. The character interactions and internal dialogue/thoughts (i.e. small things like 'Ivix winking when mentioning Estela as a play for manipulating Jaster, Estela herself having her own thoughts about weighing the dangers and positives of using the force as a weapon, Dia's expression of her twisted sense of conscience in her actions), the plot advancement; all of it exceptionally well done. I highly doubt that Estela and Jaster will remain with the Sith for the rest of the story, of course, but for now it is an interesting development.

Lot of places to go from here, I think. As practiced as it sounds, I'm looking forward to the next one! :D

Brains
timbryanscott chapter 15 . 6/11/2013
Hmm, torn feelings on this one.

On the one hand, Dia's deception to Estela. Excellent and well executed. I liked the feelings that Estela showed; that maybe, just maybe, Dia was all right, and forgave her. Obviously, it didn't work out, and the literal backstab was a great touch.

Secondly, Jaster's intervention. Again, well done. I liked both the thoughts and feelings of both Jaster and Estela during this portion, and the side-note of the Republic troopers leaving to alert the others. A few troopers would only get in the way of a Jedi/Sith fight, and though they don't know who it is exactly, I've got a feeling that they might find out soon enough, for better or worse.

Lastly, the "deal with the devil." Jaster swearing allegiance, if only to save Estela, to 'Ivix. This is the part that doesn't sit well with me, mostly because it seems like a bit of a pull for drama (though that may be my own bias of supporting the Jedi characters). Regardless, I doubt that 'Ivix will actually hold true to his word on this, and I severely doubt that Jaster will hold his. This doesn't seem like it will last long.

Now to see what happens when Estela comes to. Cliffhangers are the path to the Dark Side.

Looking forward to more!

Brains
Sachmis chapter 15 . 6/11/2013
This is an excellent chapter. Keep it up!
Sachmis chapter 14 . 4/29/2013
Cliffhanger! No! But from a strictly logical standpoint, it's a brilliant time to end the chapter. Excellent chapter too, plenty of sociopathy to go around.

I notice Ivix has made a classic mistake: having more then one apprentice, it never ends well. There are about a half-dozen different kinds of ways it can go badly, but no matter what, the end result is rarely to the master's (Ivix, in this case) advantage.

Estela is here… now why doesn't that give me a warm fuzzy feeling? Is it because I'm less than subtly backing the Sith (Ivix in particular)? But Estela seems to be a little high on bad Dark Side, so that can't be it. Is it because Estela is directly against Ivix? Could be a factor, but that doesn't quite fit either. Maybe it's because Estela seems a little unhinged right now, so it's like ending with "The Joker is here." ie: whatever she does will be considered bad by all involved. I'm going with that last one.
timbryanscott chapter 14 . 4/29/2013
The plot thickens.

Felt like I gazed into the heart of darkness there. Unsettling feels were had.

It was exceptionally well done. The build-up, the dialogue, the fight/torture. Disturbingly graphic, but it worked. So long as we won't have every fight scene so... drawn out, we're good.

And after all that, Dia gets left out. A tad unfulfilling for her, given what she'd accomplished, ha. Ivix and Kreia/Traya's holocron (interesting, since I know Kreia is Traya, but you refer to her as both in the paragraph as well. Unless it was wholly intentional, you could stick to Traya only, since she is the Sith Lord they are trying to learn from.) Great scene as a whole; now I'm interested to see what Ivix learned...

And Estela's here. She probably felt the Master's death, and given her previous encounter with Dia she will be pissed, even after originally going to the temple to turn Dia back. I'm sensing another fight.

Found this little nitpick near the end:

-But Dia also yearned for..., one that would not turn her seek to after calmness, and would not push her to seek after peace.

Seems a little jumbled there, but I know what you were trying to say.

-

All in all, great chapter! Though now I'm stuck waiting to see what happens next. _

Great work guys! :)

Brains
timbryanscott chapter 13 . 3/30/2013
Good work on this one, guys!

I'm enjoying the character development immensely here. Jaster and Estela are still butting heads, but there's the beginning of some form of cooperation between them. I'm liking the bit of background with Jaster, and Estela's reaction to both her companion and the presence of the Sith. One can only hope she doesn't go off the deep end about it and do something rash, though it'll probably happen regardless.

Also, depending on what happens next (and it may not have to happen right away), Estela could show a gesture of good faith and heal that pinky of Jaster's. Just because she's too prideful to heal herself doesn't mean she can't use her powers on others, and she is still able to do so, as she said. Just a thought! There's still a lot of emotional stuff to work out between the two of them, and they could use a break in some of their tension.

Dia and Ivix in the archives. Ivix always has a plan, it seems, and it plays so well with his character. Like it was mentioned, his entire plan hinges on what Dia does, and despite all his thoughtful planning there is always the possibility of something going wrong. His combat being the assault on both the body and mind... the perfect manipulator, and with strength and skill to back it up.

Almost missed the charm Dia pulled on the troopers, but it shows she's getting more powerful, if still naïve. Having Dia fight a jedi master... I'm interested to see this next chapter play out. So much to think about!

Couple of nitpicks:

"I'm sorry, we are quite busy right now. Please come back at a later time."( this sounds like an automated message. lol))

Not sure if the "lol" segment was intended or not. Sounds a little beta. :P

Might readjust to ""I'm sorry, we are quite busy right now. Please come back at a later time." came the woman's response, which Estela could've sworn was an automated message. {or something along those lines; it's your story, after all!}

Also, end of passage with Estela and Jaster after the hand-swat. "She went shock-still, stunned."

Pretty sure you meant "stock-still," but I'm willing to bet it was auto-correcting.

Even though it isn't a cliffhanger per se, this chapter certainly sets things up for the next. Keep up the great work, and don't keep us waiting too long! :)

Brains
MrBlazenGlazen chapter 5 . 3/19/2013
Alright. So I decided to give this story another go even though I don't really know much about star wars lore. I have to say that I am enjoying it so far, and I am especially enjoying the Jedi side of the story! Although it's still sort of hard for me to follow along with some things, mostly because of my lack of knowledge on the Star Wars universe, I'm now intrigued with this story and I will write down more comments as I read through more chapters.
timbryanscott chapter 12 . 3/18/2013
All right! Plot, emotions, and character development, all in the same chapter!

I like what I'm seeing with Estela and Jaster's development. Both of the scenes went very well, and show that Estela is struggling but still willing to fight against her torture. At the same time though, she's losing the fight, and may need some help along the way. Jaster was called out on being selfish and self-centered, and Estela in her seemingly "weak Jedi ways." Pride does seem to be the issue here on both sides; can't wait to see them working together constructively!

Plot injection! Ivix and Dia going in search of Jedi relics and to kill her old master. Ivix making "suggestions" to Dia is both totally in character and at the same time revolting (granted, she's 21, both are Twi'lek, but still), and it worked very well. Though I'm sensing an inevitable confrontation coming up between Dia and Estela. As a biased light-sider, I can only hope that Estela can eventually sway Dia, but I highly doubt this will happen soon (if at all). Though after Dantooine, I'm curious as to how Darth Traya's holocron will respond to them.

Drakal! Taking a bit of a backseat here like you mentioned Grunt, but it does give a different perspective of your character. Good to see him thinking of something besides killing and torture; fun for a time, of course, but it can't be everything to a Sith. You have to have your vices and pleasures as well. Nar Shaddaa should definitely prove interesting.

Yes, it sounds practiced the way I keep saying this, but great chapter guys! Looking forward to the next!

Brains
28 | Page 1 2 Next »