Reviews for Beneath The Mask
Syranna19 chapter 1 . 3/17
What?! You can't drop it there! Please continue with the story.
Esther Huffleclaw chapter 1 . 10/18/2013
Oh wow. This gave me chills. The Princess Bride is one my favourite movies ever, and this was an amazing rewrite. I would never have thought of it—to set the same story in modern times—but it works. It works so well. And the ending... wow.

My favourite line is "It warmed his eyes, the icy blue melting into clear blue skies after a storm." What an image! The last line is nearly as beautiful, and so powerful. Thank you so much for sharing this. I love it.
reminiscent-afterthought chapter 1 . 10/14/2013
You have an interesting way of defining the setting, how it's "the" clink, a sound and therefore definite to a blindfolded person, and "a" metal table, not so well defined. The subtlety makes your intro very strong, and I love how you've said "puckering" in reference to the skin, almost as if it has a mind of its own. :)

It's strange that the narrator can refer to the two voices as "the mysterious man" and "the short man" when they're blindfolded. I assume it's because the narrator saw both characters before they were blindfolded? I think it might be more effective if you identified them based on their voices instead though; it seems like the narrator is a little too aware of their surroundings, thus making the blindfold rather redundant.

You had a very interesting story as well. I'm totally fandom blind here, but you gave the impression of out of the frying pan and into the fire very nicely, while playing around with the idea of love and marriage in a very tidy way.

I love the two fragments of conversation that the narrator shares with the mysterious man; it reveals so much about characters, cliches and the state of humanity in a more general sense as well. It's not often a sudden action like that - "yanked the steering wheel" actually amounts to something irreversible.

A beautiful fic. I can't help but wonder if this man happened to be the boy the narrator loved, or was simply using his words.
Rosawyn chapter 1 . 10/13/2013
I love how instantly recognizable Vizzini is here. :)

I admit it's been a while since I've watched 'The Princess Bride,' but I seem to remember the Dread Pirate Roberts being more likable...and less cold than this “masked man,” even before he reveals his true identity. It could be that I'm remembering it wrong, or it could be that here I'm seeing him through the eyes of Buttercup rather than through my own eyes. I guess he would be a lot more terrifying if he was a real person rather than just a fictional character.

I love that Humperdinck is a senator. “Senator Humperdinck” just sounds so silly; it's amazing.

Did he really say that sexist thing in the movie? Wow. I thought he was supposed to be the “hero.” Yikes. What an ass.

And then he's sexist again. Yikes again. :/

And now I'm confused as to why she would consider “cruelty” an obvious sign of something being with the military? I know I've seen this movie a few times, but I'm just really lost here. Her words just seem to come out of nowhere; it's obvious she hates the military, but I cannot fathom her reason for that.

Even when she explains that her love died in Afghanistan, that doesn't explain why she'd hate all military. Her love was military himself...so...

I also have no idea why he looks at her breasts? I don't remember him doing that in the movie, lol. Also, isn't he driving? Keep your eyes on the road! But it also doesn't seem to follow with what he's saying at the time – what does work have to do with her breasts?

So...he was making some weird remark about having a baby? That's just really gross and weird. And REALLY none of his business. I don't understand why she's so “okay” with that sort of twisted reasoning.

So as much as I want to, I can't really “like” this story. I liked the movie, but it seems that transporting the action into a modern setting has left me with a really bad taste in my mouth. Wesley seems like a total jerk. She explained that she believed her love to be dead, and yet he still judges her for agreeing to marry another man? Was she supposed to wait forever for a man who she had been told in no uncertain terms was really most sincerely dead? I can't feel anything but disgust and contempt for him here – he is acting like the spoiled brat he accuses her of being.

And Buttercup...well, I just don't understand her thought processes most of the time, despite the story being from her point of view. For whatever reason, I felt very disconnected from the characters throughout the story. I know the ending is supposed to be happy, but it just feels wrong. Like, she's going to marry Wesley now, despite him being such a disgusting cruel rude sexist jerk to her? I know “love covers a multitude of sins” and all, but shouldn't that apply the other way around as well? He didn't seem at all willing to forgive her anything, but now she's 100% willing to forgive him everything...which I guess makes sense, sine she just discovered he was actually alive after all this time...so yeah.

But I guess I'm just left thinking that there is going to be a lot more stuff these two are going to have to work out, and the story's sweet and cute “happy” ending just feels wrong.

I did appreciate the car flipping down the hill as a modern take on the way that scene ended in the movie. That was quite clever and well done. :) I was a bit confused about the ice, though; since I don't think it had been mentioned before in the story that it was cold out, so it seemed a bit like the ice just came out of nowhere – wait, was there snow on the ground in that scene in the movie?
starlight.moon.princess chapter 1 . 10/9/2013
Warning: Fandom-blind. Well, I know the Wikipedia version, but that's basically it :P

I really love the way you've written this piece. You've kept the suspense going very easily throughout the piece, not letting on to what is actually going on in the fic beautifully.

I really liked the way you've written the conversation between the man and woman in the car - I could imagine it unfolding before my eyes, and I could easily imagine the tones of voice each of them used.

Fun fact: For the first few lines, I was convinced that the "I' in question was a male, at least until the "Princess" line.

I lovelovelove the spot you've chosen to end this at. I'm sure than the man was the same person the girl had loved, and I love the fact that you ended it with that revelation, all the while leaving the reader at a cliffhanger, wondering if the couple survived the fall.

This was beautifully written.
Well done! :)
StrawberryDuckFeathers chapter 1 . 10/8/2013
. For the Story of the Week thread . . Fandom-blind! .

I love the introduction to this one; it's very original. I think that you've already kicked off the story with a frightening sense of unknowing what is actually happening. I like how we're in the narrator's shoes as well, since there is no visual description whilst the character is blindfolded due to the first person. It's very effective. I also like the creepy deadpan nature of: 'You guessed wrong.' I thought it was interesting when he only heard the drop of the dead body, since there is even more of the unknown to worry about...was it the Silican, or the masked man? I think that his in-detail description of the darkly-clothed man was good, as it shows how he was studying him in surprise, at least in my opinion. (There was a coldness in this man's eyes, a killer's instinct.) I found this line so frightening, so powerful. :O

I like that the captured person seems quite serious as opposed to submissive; he seems so stern with that guy, and I found it really cool. The other dude seems so calm, though, the way he replies with pride. It's like he's not touched by the sternness at all, and I find that a bit freaky. :O (There was amusement in his voice, as if my words held no threat.) I think it's interesting that the narrator seems to know the power situation too well, but he still tries to hold his own. I like the strong characterisation here. ("You killed my love.") I like how this doesn't have any dialogue tag, like it's been said in a very empty tone. It works so well, and you don't need dialogue tags here- you can already tell how he's probably saying it with remorse, grief and anger.I like how the narrator seems to try and make himself oblivious to the other man's insults as well. (It took only a little longer to realize that I loved him.) I found this line to be a sweet little part of the story that really pierced through the dark mood. I like how he remembers the exact time he's been away, like he's been counting down the days, desperate to see him again. Wow, that character development was brilliant. It looks like he's taken enough of the other guy's crap that it led to him having to purge all those bottled-up emotions. That part really surprised me, and it even sent kind of a chill down my spine. It's quite cool that the character does actually have one weakness, even if it wasn't clear, and that was people bad-mouthing his love. Lovely characterisation. :) The action and the fear that arose in me during the car skidding scene was unbelievable, since I rarely sort of feel that 'oh my gosh!' feeling at a story- and I love that ending as well, since it's not quite apparent if they died or survived. I'm going to go with that they died, though, since it seems most probable, and I like tragic endings. : P

A lovely story jam-packed with emotion and the characterisation of both the narrator and the other man in the car were amazing. A brilliant read, but I've got no concrit. Keep up the good work! :D
Captain Zangano chapter 1 . 10/8/2013
I really liked your opening line:

/I heard the clink as two cups were set down on the metal table/

I thought it was interesting that you started with a sound instead of a visual, and the onomatopoeia with the word “clink” drew me into the story too. And then of course, it only continues to get more exciting as I found out the main character was blindfolded, and someone was holding a knife to her throat. That’s a really good hook early in the story. The rest of the story was exciting too, and really held my attention the whole time.

I know about the canon material, and think this is a really interesting idea to more or less keep the original dialogue inside of a modern AU. It fits really well.

I didn’t notice any SPAG errors. I suppose the only thing I can find to complain about in this story is that it feels like it ends on a cliffhanger instead of more resolved stopping point. But I guess that was intentional on your part.

Good job on this!
Ersatz Einstein chapter 1 . 10/8/2013
There are some issues with hyphens, but the modern AU is extremely well-handled. I found your choice of the military an interesting one. Why wouldn't it be on the same side as the Senate (since, as I'm sure you'll recall, a pirate is by definition an outlaw whom the prince could already hunt)? I respect that you did little to change the dialogue, even though the result sounds a little stilted. (The sarcastic "highness" was a particularly clever touch.) Your narration was vivid without overpowering the plot, particularly in the memories.
kamizon chapter 1 . 10/8/2013
A pretty interesting story here. I found it interesting because it was not something I was expecting. It threw off in a good way. Through my eyes, I saw this as fluffy writing instead of the serious drama you portrayed in the plot. I attribute this to the fact that I have never seen or heard about this fandom. Ever!
Giving the main character room to reminisce about her lost love was a plus for the story. Those parts were written exceptionally well and I applaud that.
Wendy Brune chapter 1 . 10/7/2013
Oh Tiki, this was so good! You did a fabulous job turning this story into a modern adaption. I'd really like to see a full job of it, honestly. I was impressed with your first person narration. Not only did you accurately capture Buttercup's personality, but you also didn't fall into the trap of writing in first person yet revealing more than the character could know. I really liked that.

I also think the method of Buttercup's kidnapping was clever, as was the '67 Mustang references. This AU was very believable. My only small quibble - besides having more questions, of course, about why the Senator wants to kill his fiance, etc - is that I think that Buttercup accusing her captor of being in the military. That's really broad, you know? And what would indicate to her that he's in service? I think somehow making it a person would have worked best, though I honestly can't figure out how to pull that off.

Great job, lovely!
Tune4Toons chapter 1 . 9/2/2013
First reaction: How does she know one of the men is short and one of them is masked if she has on a blindfold haha?

Anyway, hey Tiki! I'm not familiar with Princess Bride, so I'm going in fandom blind, which means admitting I did get a bit confused on who is the Silican was when the masked man mentioned the expression, but after a couple of read throughs, I think I understand what happened better. The masked man, I love this accent he has. I don't know if you did it on purpose, but his mannerism stood out to me. The accents match the era, really nice. Buttercup I find to have a sort of… reserved personality per ce, the way she interacts with Westley is like she would never have mentioned any of it unless they are absolutely secluded from everything else—and the way you show how bottled up she's been from her lost only emphasises that (in addition to her knowing the exact number of days). My goodness though, the ending! Everything clicked from there. (Does this lead into the next piece of canon? it probably does, but this stands out well on its own apart from how the beginning started off.) World set right though? (Is the masked man and that guy the same person? Not 100% sure, but the hinting with the "As you wish." came through for sure haha!)

My only crit will refer back to my first reaction as I'm not sure how she had that knowledge before her blindfold was lifted (but this may be from me not knowing canon).

But yeah, other than that, love the depth you put into the both of them, and the piece itself had an eloquent voice to it. A really lovely piece. :) Thanks for the read! And I'll be adding this to the archives. Cheers!

- Tune
The Wild Wild Whovian chapter 1 . 8/20/2013
Nice. Very nice. I wondered what would be the replacement for the Dread Pirate Roberts.

Princess Bride is one of my all-time favorite movies. You obviously had fun writing this. :-)
jinxcat21 chapter 1 . 7/30/2013
Oh, how I wish you would retell the whole story in modern times! Fell in love with this! Favorite!
DetectiveInspectorSydney chapter 1 . 7/4/2013
:)
EmeraldGarmadon chapter 1 . 6/26/2013
I can tell already this is going to be interesting. Keep it up!
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