|Reviews for The Road Forgotten|
| NeoMiniTails chapter 1 . 11/13/2013
This is a very interesting start to this story. It's interesting because no one has looked at things from Belle's side after her memory was completely taken away from her. At least, nobody I know has done it, and I think you've done a fantastic and realistic look at it from her perspective.
The only thing that confuses me... is the beginning... is this part said from POV before the accident... or is this her, as she is now, remembering the events (er, trying to)... it doesn't make it too clear. There are hints that may say otherwise, but she had been locked away prior... so it just seems a bit strange to me,
I have to assume that it was after the memory loss, after reading that same part three times... Mr. Jefferson had called him "Gold...," "she would have followed him" everywhere because of the lack of smells that are a reminder of the hospitals...
Lol... I didn't watch many of the episodes after she lost her memory, but if that backstory of Rosaile is canon to the story, Regina really made sure to screw up Belle's life in Storybrooke so that Gold and were would never be reunited, eh? That's a jacked up story... lol... Regina is a cold pimp for that made up story. haha.
It's easy to understand why Belle/Rosalie would think everyone crazy... I would, too, lol.. it's a bit funny when you think about it. I remember they were scared about normal people finding out about Stprybrooke... and who wouldn't... especially if Rosalie (I hate that name, sounds so old) were to leave now and start talking to other people... and they were to be investigated.
Of course, they would probably throw her in a psychiatric ward for real after hearing that story. haha... but if the wrong group of scientist heard it, they would probably be excited to investigate it.
_ I regress... anyways, I loved the chapter.
I'll read more of waylaid and trick of hearts when I get the chance.
Thanks for writing this,
Until Next Time,
| Madam'zelleGiry chapter 2 . 4/11/2013
"No one decides my fate… but me?" Ah, now this was just so perfect. I can see what Mr. Gold is trying to do here, and it really shows just how much she lost when she lost her memory. We already knew that a part of her had been erased, but this lays it out smack down in front of us so that we can't escape it. And I think that this is the most poignant proof for that that I've seen thus far, including what I've seen in canon.
"I want to use it." Aww, now that's some of the Belle that we remember! Just a little bit of that fire that proves that she really is still reachable!
You know that I love it whenever we get proof that Gold's cane is needed for a physical reason, and I really liked the way that you wrote it when he tried to help her up but it proved to be too much. I can imagine the look on his face when someone else (Dr. Whale of all people!) has to steady the both of them. It's the little details like this that make the story that much more special for me!
"Whatever look he gave her..." Haha, you tell 'em, Gold! Don't be letting them get away with anything else! Get her out of there!
"She almost felt like a person." Anyone who's spent any length of time in a hospital can really relate to Belle right now, and I like the way that we can see little trickles of her identity, but it's still hidden away. It's going to take a long time to correct this, but I think that they really will be able to do it in the end.
And I absolutely loved the fact that you had her have him call her Belle, for obvious reasons. I have a feeling that we're going to see a lot of her slowly regaining her memory, although I don't think she'll be able to regain all of it by herself.
Another excellent chapter, dearie! And now... I'm officially tapped out on your work. :( You'll have to update soon or I will be very sad!
| Madam'zelleGiry chapter 1 . 4/7/2013
Moving right along to the next piece... and I'm almost out of stuff to read, so you really need to update and I will love you forever please thank you yes! Ahem. Striving to create a review that is not *solely* inchoherant squees.
I loved the way that we got to see the reunion from Belle's point of view. Not only would the entire event have been extremely confusing for her, but it's also so different from what she was used to in the asylum. I loved the contrast between his touch and the touch of the people who had harmed her in the asylum. She was so starved for love of any kind and he was able to give it to her... it's just so beautiful and I love the way that you were able to capture such feelings with such sublety and in such a short paragraph. A fantastic introduction to the story!
I personally love the fact that you had her remembering the initial meeting with him instead of being totally lost after the accident. I find it difficult to believe that the amnesia would have erased their reunion in the shop, so it's really great that you mentioned that little bit. I find it really annoying that canon appears to have completely taken that memory from her... we'll see.
"They might as well try magic" Ooh, bless her heart. I wonder if she would have come up with that on her own or if it was the sight of Mr. Gold using magic to heal her shoulder that triggered it... or maybe a combination of both.
"...cane pushed the nurse aside" LOL, Mr. Gold is in a no-nonsense mood, isn't he? XD
I wonder how much she will be able to let Mr. Gold handle things as a lawyer... I have a feeling that it will be one of the best things that could have happened to her. Maybe he'll be able to help her this way, since she won't let him help her any other way. I get so emotional and incomprehensible when I think about this. Mean writers taking Belle away from him.
An excellent beginning to a promising story! I look forward to the next chapter! And I wasn't kidding when I said that you need to update soon because the thought of running out of things to read makes me want to cry. Your writing is bloody addicting!
| BrierGarden chapter 2 . 4/4/2013
Like in the first chapter I enjoy Belle's internal commentary on the events of the outside world.
Up to me—but only so long as he agrees with my choice? "What do you think I should do?" -This line gives great depth to the character in my opinion. It shows that she can be just as manipulative , even if its not for evil. She also has a great sense of defiance. She doesn't know anyone so she is constantly resisting and doubting the sincerity of the help being offered.
Well, too bad. I want to use it.-I thought that was cute.
Hospital clothing was designed to make patients' bodies accessible to medical workers – This line felt awkward to me. I'm not sure how to fix it or make it fit better, it's just a heads up.
I like how you have her tell Gold to call her Belle at the end. It just feels very fitting.
I do think the chapter could have been longer. I'm not sure what you have planned, but think about upping the stakes and throwing in a bit more drama to leave the reader really wanting more.
| little red cardigan chapter 2 . 3/31/2013
["No one decides my fate… but me?"] - I can't help but love this. In the series, Belle had spoken this exact statement with certainty and with conviction. In this case, you made her sound understandably confused with the ellipses and the question mark at the end there and I love how you turned her own words against her like that. It's almost as though she's lost most of her confidence in the scheme of things, with her imprisonment and all, but I'm sure she'll regain it all back with her memory.
I think this very quote speaks true not only for fairy tale characters like Rumpelstiltskin or Belle or even Snow White, but for the ordinary, non-magic folk as well (Henry for instance). This should be the slogan of the show, really.
[As if they wanted to store my brain away for safekeeping.] - How ironic Belle would think of it this way, considering Regina practically 'stored' her away from the world. Although with Regina, 'safekeeping' was probably a far cry from her original intentions.
["Let's get out of this fishbowl, at least."] - Nice analogy there. It's fitting in a way that with Belle entering modern civilization once more, she's like a fish out of water. And it doesn't help that she already has trouble speaking (inner monologue and all), so it must be hard for her to figure out what to say with all the psychiatrists and doctors looking at her like she's crazy without proper evaluation.
[Damn, I have cute taste.] - Love this. I really like how you give Belle a certain spunk that should have been portrayed in the series. This is pretty awesome.
[rose-colored lipstick] - How clever of you to use 'rose' instead of 'red' or 'pink' or some other lipstick color. The red rose was the absolute symbol of Disney's The Beauty and the Beast and I love how you managed to retain some of that through something as small as this. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't remember Rumpelstiltskin and Belle's story involving any roses - I just remember the broken teacup as their predominant symbol of love.
'French' is Belle's last name? I know that's obvious, but how could I not have noticed this? All in all, this was a nice chapter. I'm excited for the next one!
| hiddenhibernian chapter 2 . 3/30/2013
‘Up to me—but only so long as he agrees with my choice?’ – I might be hampered by being fandom blind here, but it sounds like she’s jumping to a conclusion here. I get that she’s confused and drugged, but even from her point of view Mr. Gold seems to have been the only person to offer her concrete help, so I actually think the implication is a little unfair on him!
The imagery of the person Belle was/is, the clothes and overflowing handbag and very definite taste, is lovely: you can feel how alien it is to her when she can’t remember all this, and yet it feels like her real self is almost a friend of hers.
This is absolutely lovely, and makes great use of Belle’s perspective to suggest what Mr. Gold is feeling: ‘Mr. Gold's lips quivered as if he were about to smile. Then his forehead wrinkled with a kind of longing. He blinked, as if to dispel that emotion, and ended up with a sort of professional cheerfulness.’
Again, I think it’s very well written; the one complaint I would have is that the chapters are a bit short. It makes for great cliffhangers and you have packed in quite a lot of action into them, but personally I could easily do with them twice as long. No pressure, like…
| hiddenhibernian chapter 1 . 3/30/2013
"We'll make her remember." – I love the menace in those words; it’s very clear that Belle’s opinion doesn’t matter!
‘ A faint smiled curved his lips. "My dear, what do you want to do?"’ Well, that’s a great cliffhanger and no mistake! The contrast between how powerless she has been so far, and this, works very nicely indeed.
The paragraph about pulling her blanket up is brilliant; it makes excellent use of Belle’s actions to illustrate her state of mind.
Overall, you do a great job of introducing Belle and giving her backstory in a way that avoids the dreaded info dump, and tells us something about who she is (starved for affection, battered by her past). Now I’m not even from your fandom and this still kind of makes sense to me, so well done!
The one thing I could nitpick is the use of commas; I would put in a few extra, for example here:
‘That's what the strange man calling himself Jefferson had said, before freeing her from the lockup ward.’
Upwards and onwards to chapter two!
| persevera chapter 2 . 3/29/2013
I like Belle's characterization as a woman trying to take control of herself. I love the line about how she didn't know if she could be the person who had collected the paraphernalia in her purse, but she did want to be the person who picked out the boots she was wearing.
It's funny that she really couldn't manage the boots she liked so much. One hopes her next decisions will be more practical.
Needle nurse was a great line.
I like Mr. Gold's statement to the psychiatrist, making it clear that he doesn't trust him.
I like that Belle is asking the question I wondered about—does Mr. Gold want her to make her own decisions, even if they're contrary to what he wants.
There were a few instances where you had a paragraph of narrative that ended with a thought from Belle. They were all in the same font. It's probably a good idea to differentiate them with italics.
I'm looking forward to seeing what Belle does when she gets out of the hospital.
| Opinion of one chapter 2 . 3/29/2013
No one else speaks for me. I'm not confused by this story - I'm intrigued. The opening chapters set up questions which I'm hoping future chapters will answer :)
| LordHelen chapter 2 . 3/29/2013
This is a little hard to follow, I'm afraid. You need to explain some things. First off, how did she end up in the woods with Mr. Gold dressed like that and not drugged? Second, who is this Mr. Gold and why is he helping her? Next, I find it a bit strange there was a mention of a Mr. French and her last name is French. Is there a connection? Now, maybe I'm being insane, and I have nothing to do with the fandom, but all of this makes it a story that needs work. I'm not saying it's bad, you just need to work on it. Also, this Isabelle or whatever her name is, you need to focus on her. I feel like I don't know her at all, and she's the main character! What does she look like? How tall is she? The color of her eyes? Anything that makes her Isabelle and not someone else? Who is this girl?
| Aurora West chapter 2 . 3/28/2013
Here via WA. Yours is my first Once Upon a Time fic! First of all, it's great. Rumpelstiltskin/Belle is easily my favorite pairing on the show and I really enjoyed reading this. Overall, I like the plot; I like that we're going to see Belle reclaim her identity, and possibly her romance with Mr Gold/Rumple?
I like the style this is written in - Belle's confused, she's lost her memory, all these people are telling her who she's supposed to be but she doesn't remember, and I think the sort of jittery, stilted voice you're using is great. Her thoughts don't always connect perfectly, and that's exactly how you'd expect them to be.
My favorite, favorite line was this one: 'Her head felt like it was packed with cotton. As if they wanted to store my brain away for safekeeping. Well, too bad. I want to use it.' So good! I love that you took the simile a step further.
'Damn, I have cute taste.' - This made me laugh because it's so true. Belle has by far the cutest wardrobe on the show.
The paragraph that follows that one (which begins, 'She almost felt like a person.') is fantastic. The detail of the things in the bag is really nice, and I particularly liked that you tied in her loss of her own identity with going through those things.
As far as improvements that could be made, I did feel that Belle would have been a little more freaked out by the legal papers in the last section. You've done such a good job of establishing that her mental state isn't a good one, she just seems a little too...in control, I guess? You do have the line, 'Oh, lord. He really is expecting me to take charge,' but I'd have loved to see some more showing, rather than telling.
Other than that, though, this is a great start! You've got a great handle on the character's voices and mannerisms. I definitely can see and hear them in my head as I read.
| BrierGarden chapter 1 . 3/27/2013
I'm not sure if I've said this to you before , but you have a wonderful way with description. It's all very neat and clear which makes visualizing the story very enjoyable.
Longer is not always better , but I feel that your writing is strong enough for you to expand on the chapter and go into more moment by moment detail instead of just snipits. The snipits work well, I just want to see more.
'the mayor's crazy half sister, guilty of attacking their father with a knife, guilty of setting the family home on fire, guilty of hacking the neighbor's dog to pieces with an axe.”- Holy crap that's shockingly violent . I was a little surprised , but it made me more interested
“And they say I'm crazy.” I also liked this little quip. It made me wish that I got to see more inside Belle's head.
That being said I also like not hearing her thoughts because of the way you ended the chapter. No one has let the poor girl think for herself, so naturally she has very few thoughts too herself.
I didn't see any real grammatical errors.
Very nice work.
| persevera chapter 1 . 3/25/2013
I love the ending—Belle's confinement whisked away with just a few sentences, since Storybrooke's court system is a mess. It's probably the only time she can remember someone sincerely asking her what she wanted to do. After years of being doped up and lied to, I wonder if she is capable of saying what she wants. It is impressive that he wouldn't enter her hospital room until she gave permission. Will he be happy if her plan is to be without him?
I like that she has a good attitude about what they've done to her and what she'd been told—a little cynical and ironic when she says "And they say I'm crazy."
The opening was lovely, with Belle finally removed from the hospital and hungrily breathing in the fresh air of the forest to which Mr. Gold took her. I'm afraid I don't understand the pain in her should and lying on asphalt but I'm sure that will be explained later.
| little red cardigan chapter 1 . 3/22/2013
I loved the fact that Belle's only words in this chapter were "Call" and "As simple as that?". It cleverly shows how confusing and disorienting everything must be to her - to suddenly be thrust back out into the world having lived in that cell for a long time. Granted, it's understandable that she may be perhaps a little scared to talk and you showcased that very well through the lack of her own voice. Her inner monologue flowed fluidly with the rest of the story plot line, not at all seeming forced or awkward in places.
"No stench of vomit and urine. No choking disinfectant." - Now, this wasn't a detailed paragraph on how terrible the conditions in her lockup cell were, but it was enough. These two sentences gave me enough to understand that, yes, where she was locked up was a horrible place to live in. In a way, it was clear, concise, and very straightforward and I liked how you wrote this instead of a wordy paragraph on how the conditions were.
"For as long as she could remember, she'd been Rosalie Mills" - You made Belle's pseudo-background story very plausible in this case. For a moment, I almost believed this until I remembered the fact that Regina and Belle weren't related at all in the TV series.
"Then a self-professed werewolf had visited her, claiming to be her best friend" - I'm assuming this is Red Riding Hood, yes? I don't remember them being acquainted with each other in the fairy tale world or before Belle's release from the cell, so I'm assuming that you changed this to make your story flow a little bit better.
One thing: While this is a very good start to a story, I was a bit confused towards the beginning. From what I can recall from the TV series, I do remember Belle going to Mr. Gold and following him into the woods during the last episode of season one. But in your story, how she ended up lying on the asphalt still remains a mystery to me. I thought she was in the woods?
Unless her falling to the asphalt was the scene where she gets shot by a gun by Captain Hook in season two? Or maybe this was you taking an AU spin on it? Other than this, it was a lovely start to a story.
| elemout chapter 2 . 3/19/2013
This was an enjoyable line: "Mr. Gold glanced at him sidelong. "Nice not to be misunderstood." - In fact, I think it makes sense that Belle and Mr. Gold would be furious and ready to launch their own lawsuit against a hospital that falsely imprisoned (and perhaps even colluded in) making a patient out to be crazy.
"Her yellow wraparound hospital gown was hiked up to her thighs. " - Yellow here might be changed to a drab color to offset the fact that her own bra\panties are yellow (and yellow is a hopeful color).
"She'd adored every scrap of them—from the lacy yellow bra and panties and the silky eggplant purple tights to the matching jacket, dark flowered shirt, and beige tweed skirt." - This sounds cute (as she says) but to me also a little unique and anti-cookie cutter which might be thing to point out.
I also liked the description of her purse items, and even wanted to know what she wrote on some of those post-it notes (post-in should be post-it, I think).
Again, this was an enjoyable read. The only thing I wanted to see more of was what Mr. Gold looks like from her perspective (and why he has a cane).