|Reviews for Ascension in to Darkness|
| Loneshadow117 chapter 5 . 8/7/2013
It's me, Shadow117. I don't know if you're going to continue this, but I thought I would follow it just in case you do.
| Zilla0128 chapter 5 . 4/15/2013
Well, time to get off my spring break schedule and back to reviewing. Anyways, he turned into a dragon. I didn't expect that, I thought he would stay human, not that it disappoints me. I am pleased with the outcome anyways.
I have a suggestion, for our convenience, can you add the translation for any non-English languages that your are going to use at the end of chapters?
Keep it up, I eagerly await more.
| Shadow117 chapter 5 . 4/1/2013
A little confusing, but good chapter. I wonder what those voices were he heard.
| Zilla0128 chapter 4 . 3/13/2013
Hmm, reanimates, zombies basically. Spyro... I wonder what he did to cause this? I would to suggest that you bump up the rating to "M", the content illistruated was the reason for me to suggest that. The only error was, "Benelli". Just need to add that extra "L" in there.
Besides that, nothing. I hope to see more soon.
| Shadow117 chapter 4 . 3/11/2013
Not a cliffhanger! Oh well, guess I'll just have to wait. (Please take no offence to this next part.) I just wanted to say you might want to make this 'M' rated if you start describing everything in such detail. I personaly don't mind at all because I also play M rated games, so this doesn't phase me at all, but other readers might be offended by this. I just thought I should let you know because people might flame about that in the reviews. This is just a suggestion to save you from possible future flamers, so don't worry about that to much though. I hope you update soon, this is really good.
| Shadow117 chapter 3 . 3/11/2013
Wait, did I read that right?! Spyro caused all of that?! I'm starting to guess the scenes with Spyro and Cynder happened a while ago, or they are in different dimmensions. (I've actually read a fanfiction like that.) So far this has really caught my attention...
| Shadow117 chapter 2 . 3/11/2013
For a fanfiction, the quality of that was above and beyond almost all of the other fanfictions I've read. Good job.
| Zilla0128 chapter 3 . 2/24/2013
Longer chapters are good. The ending if the chapter definitely foreshadows about the coming events. Nice job. It good to see that the two are having some time off.
| Zilla0128 chapter 2 . 2/20/2013
So this is first-person. Alrighty then, this chapter took me by surprise, I writing is one of your fortes isn't it? If so, it would explain why this chapter is high-quality. If not, then you really took me by surprise. Man, school must really take your time if it keeps you that busy. I still find time to write a 2000-1500 word chapter, well, except for now.
Suggestion: You should bold your authors notes or something, I've seen many people do it, so why not? (My credibility? I've been in this community for a year now.)
As for any errors, I only spotted one punctuation error, its minor enough to be disregarded though.
I look forward to your next update!
| That One Other Guy You Forgot chapter 2 . 2/20/2013
Its nice so far. Just please, update faster next time.
| Zilla0128 chapter 1 . 1/30/2013
Interesting. I am curious to see this post-apocalyptic world. This story has potential, but there is nothing related to Spyro yet... Authors notes would be nice to see, as it is good to know the authors thoughts and what they want to know for feedback.
Now, onto the criticism, suggestions and corrections. (If needed)
I've noticed you've formatted your sentences, it is confusing at a times and should be redone. I will take a sentence from your story and use it for an example. (If you don't mind)
"Even though it was just a dream, I still cannot shake the uneasy feeling in my gut.
Like something... or someone was trying to reach out to me... to warn me about something
to come. Although I'm not sure what it's purpose or reason for whatever it was trying to do
was exactly, if it even had one for a matter of fact. These thoughts pondered endlessly
through my mind creating a sense of false security within my subconcious. It was like a
drain was sucking out all the sense of security and protection from my mind creating a
looming void of vunerability within my mind. Crushing everything I ever knew about the
safety within my thoughts."
The space between all these sentences aren't really needed. Just do it like this:
"Even though it was just a dream, I still cannot shake the uneasy feeling in my gut. Like something... or someone was trying to reach out to me... to warn me about something to come. Although I'm not sure what it's purpose or reason for whatever it was trying to dowas exactly, if it even had one for a matter of fact. "
"These thoughts pondered endlessly through my mind creating a sense of false security within my subconcious. It was like a drain was sucking out all the sense of security and protection from my mind creating a looming void of vunerability within my mind. Crushing everything I ever knew about the safety within my thoughts."
It looks better now dosent it? If the way you spaced your sentences is a really how you intend to write then go ahead, continue doing the way you do it. But, I advise strongly that you do it without the massive amount of space between sentences, as if they were all supposed to be one-sentence paragraphs.
Otherwise then that, everything else is fine to me. I shall watch this story, it has earned my interest.