I will repeat the comment I made for your "Zerg Swarm - Neo". Take your time, I can wait. I find myself more drawn to this story over the Zerg ones, but that is likely because I am more of a Terran fan anyway. Keep up the good work! :)

I hate HATE that you crossed this i would like it better if you stuck to just starcraft not any other sci-fi

The only problem I have here is that I have here a dead fic.

:

Its perfectly alright, the quality of your work is superb and as the author(and a highly skilled one at that), it is your right to make changes or rewrites of your work as you choose. I've greatly enjoyed your stories and I hope that you continue to write The Zerg Swarm and The Terran Legion. I just wish that people could be properly grateful to you for the hard work you do, and for the effort and for the time you spend on these stories when you are already a published author in your own right.
Again, thank you for all that you've done and the inspiration you have given to so many other authors.

Good luck & best wishes.

I liked that you gave some thought to support structures your first zerg saga was to centralized around the hives compared to the game. As far as ideas go theres a decent harry potter/stargate ficlet that covered what was probably a carefully planned out version of the zerg that made good use of support structures.

As for this one Good plan with the tower. But it was a bit powerful to start off with. On a side note you need a beta or two. There are many instances of awkward sentences, and wrong word choice, all of which hinders your story.

I liked that you pushed a redesign. If you're going to push for the terran to build an ancient/alteran cityship then his redesign should adjust so the command center is the base of the city, the snowflake shape or even just a simple outpost like what was on antarctica. from there each additional support structure can be added as a tower to the base as a modification. Each level upgrade or stage of development can improve upon the existing base structure until eventually he has a functional cityship which would end up being his full base.

The other thing that might help is instead of upgrading everything all at once allow for each base to upgrade individually. So while his top level may be space flight capable it would only be one of his bases that reached that stage. After all there isn't anything connecting the 'towers' to each other so theres no real way for them to pool QE resources. The basic effect would be a reduction in the cost of reaching the next level. A counter would be to require certain support structures be added to his base before it can upgrade. Ex: whatever stage gives spaceflight requires a starport be constructed onto his base so it can research engines or whatnot. In order to build marines he needs to add a barrack mod to the city.

By allowing the city to be customized in this manner you can make them specialized for units one city being an army (ground unit) production center, the next navy (water units), a city filled with starports (air units). You could introduce a microwave tower or something so you could make a city devoted to energy production and wirelessly beam energy to production cities via line of sight towers.

Eventually your commander can push for development of wormhole related technologies and get that stargate you wanted.

I have to say I liked your other stories but this one is be better one at least that's what I think it was a great concept because now there are a few stories about the Zerg like the zerg swarm this one just seem new and original I hope you come back to this story or at least write a new version of it

This Hiatus is a problem. I for one admire these stories. While I like the Zerg, I find the Protoss and the Terrans more appealing for some reason. I want to see how to goes. I also have a suggestion for you. Can you do a World of Warcraft or Warhammer 40k version of these stories? Good luck on future chapters and may you update soon.

Start doing your chapters for terrans, protos and the zerg quickly please

I don't care much for the small detail, so I wish you didn't stop this version.

Good read, otherwise.

I enjoyed this story so far. I do t like that your main charachters are so restricted by having family or rather that the family is ignorant and comes into he life but is kindof controlling. I like the from what I can tell him hooking up with a princess and willing with a city or empire of whatever will come I. Future hangers. But you have started him out too powerful. Also you are using too big numbers for your energy units. Because at some point it's going to be ridiculous like 1X1055 energy units or something. Start small and increase small. The energy units in your Zerg story were much more reasonable.

Well, the beginning of this chapter made me feel both a bit judgmental, and totally justified about what I said about Ashur previously. However despite this, he is slowly growing on me. On a separate note, I love what you did with the Terran. Not necessarily the exact changes, but the fact that Ashur decided to make them more aesthetically pleasing. In Starcraft, I got the feeling that the Terran looked like they did because the Zerg threat caused them to be much more concerned with efficiency than how they look. But in this situation Ashur can take a bit of time to make them a little more pleasing.
Keep up the good work, and God Bless.

I'm finding that I like Night more than Ashur. Ashur is coming off as cold and slightly robotic. This might be what you were aiming for, but he still slightly annoys me. Another thing about him is that he is very calm and calculating; he thinks everything through, even the cruel things (aka, watching the town be destroyed). Night on the other hand, mostly acted out when he was in a rage or when he was defending someone. I am not sure if the distinction is all that important (since the result is just about the same either way) but Night came off as more endearing to me.

Just so you know, I love your writing. I don't mean to come off as whiny or ungrateful for the amount of time you put into this; I am just saying that I like Night more than Ashur.

Keep up the good work, and God Bless.

It was quite a good start but you are right, I did notice more than a few rather strong influences from The Zerg Swarm, notably the similar setting and character relationships. I can't say the similarities are a bad thing, after all The Zerg Swarm seems to be one of the most (if not THE most) popular and well received of all the StarCraft SI on the site both by readers and by those looking for inspiration. Personally though, while the setting was great for the rise Zerg something about it just seems a little off about dropping the Terran into it. Maybe a higher but not necessarily advanced setting would fit a together a little more smoothly?

Yo, yeah, I just skimmed this story and it did not really entice me as the Swarm did. Mostly because the Swarm had powers that would build up the zerg. Terran needs human engineers, builders, resources that cannot easily be provided. There's not much explanation or build up if the main character can build probes and such out of thin air, and no power can really help him do this. Power consolidation and improvement of technology seems to most logical way, but it would take a much longer time to build up than the zergs. Also, partly because the audience already associates with technology, the zerg would build more interest since its new, original, and unexplored. We all know what a spaceship is :D. Anyways, terran would take a much longer story to build. That is my view. But, it can be made awesome and I hope you find a way to do it.