|Reviews for Make You Happy|
| naoto-san chapter 1 . 9/23/2014
I'm not sure if you're active here on FFN anymore and/or if you write fanfictions still, but I just read this story and felt I wanted to give my two cents.
First of all I enjoyed the lack of dramatic events or added horrific dramtic events in their childhoods. For some reason a lot of people who are into fanfiction believes that the more drama, pain, loss, rape, murders, or any other really intense happenings makes for a good story. It doesn't especially when there are a bunch of them thrown into one story. Thankfully you kept it simple and it makes for a much better story. In other words I really like your idea for this fanfic the base is solid and has great potential.
I also enjoyed your choice to let Jake join the B.S.A.A. an interesting and smart move. I do enjoy him roaming around doing his own thing just as much, but this was a nice one as well. I also liked Jake's and Chris' interaction with each other. It didn't feel forced and you let Jake still have some issues with Chris but trying to move on. It was nicely done.
Now, to the not so great things about this fic. The thing is, this fic is well written. It has a strong foundation and a great idea. However I feel that somewhere along the line you got a bit sidetracked. For instance the way you portrayed Jake with the stuttering and the overall anxiety-behaviour just felt odd. Frankly I felt that it was OOC for him. I realize you tried to portray him as conflicted and nervous around Sherry who was all business and seemingly cold. But it still doesn't feel like Jake to be so thrown by it that he can't hold his ground and be himself. Furthermore in the restaurant I started to have real big problems with his OOCness when he just blurted out his inner feelings to Sherry as if it was nothing. Considering Jake's background one would think that he would be more reluctant to share those things (especially with Sherry) in fear of being rejected. I'd say he would be more reserved, on the defence and even a bit irritated at times. But of course still be happy to be around Sherry and therefore also be hurt by hear cold demeanour and all business attitude, which he most likely would show through annoyance and arrogance.
This brings me to Sherry and her behaviour which I also found to be OOC. I understand that it was written from Jake's POV and that we therefore can't know what she was truly feeling at the time or what she had been feeling all this time. I also understand that you were most likely going with her serious professionalism attitude and intelligence, all attributes that the real Sherry Birkin has. But they are also mixed together with the other layers of her personality. I feel as if you completely erased her innocence, her naiveness and her cheerfulness. All of them which are very prominent to her character and which are a great deal to her charm if you ask me. I also believe that they have a great deal to do with her and Jake's strong chemistry and dynamic, which was sadly completely gone in your story. I believe this was the case since Sherry was so matter-of-factly and all business when Jake poured his heart out to her.
I think the story would have benefitted from that you had kept both Sherry and Jake IC a little better. You could still have made Jake have all the ghosts that you obviously want to portray as well as having Sherry coming off as a strong individual. For instance if Jake had not told Sherry exactly how he felt and there had been more of them both having to guess on what the other was actually feeling and thinking, this would have been more heartfelt. It would have had more chemistry and dynamic I believe as well as generally being more interesting.
I also found it weird for Jake to ask to be called Agent Wesker instead of keeping his mother's name. I don't see how taking his father's name would be anything he'd want to do, nor want anyone to associate with him. It would be more believable if he'd kept his mother's name and strife to become his own person, namely Jake Muller.
Lastly a very off-putting aspect of the story was the whole Leon x Sherry thing. I understand that having your father/role model-figure turn into something more romantic can be a thing to happen (can it really?). But it was frankly just very odd and made the interaction with Jake seem even colder from Sherry's side. I kind of got the feeling that she would much rather have ended up with Leon but if Jake turned into becoming more like Leon she'd settle with him. That is also a reason to why I was very provoked by that Jake was going to try and become more like Leon, since I don't see why there would be a need for him to turn into a new person at all.
Anyway I decided to write this (ridiculously long) review because I do believe that this story has true potential and I genuinely believe that you can make it great. If you just would think a bit more realistically about how the characters are and what would be their realistic reaction according to their personalities, this story could be really, really good. I also saw that you did start a sequel to this story (which I haven't read yet) and I believe that it could be a great opportunity to continue that one as well. I would come back and read it for sure
| Amber chapter 1 . 9/12/2014
That question! Wow! If Jake would tell me he wants to be the one who makes me happy I’d accept that in a heart beat. But I like how you kept it realistic by not having Sherry take him up on his offer (at least not right away), although I don’t support the Leon and Sherry pairing haha. For some reason though, I imagined Sherry to be too non-chalant about meeting Jake. I didn’t expect her to be all lovey dovey and confess to him but maybe she could’ve been a bit more excited about meeting him? Anyway, my ending of this story is they end up together (of course).
| Nom de Plume chapter 1 . 8/18/2014
Couple things before I get to the good stuff.
Right at the start, during Jake's 'reunion' with Sherry, you had him think of how regardless if it's a fight with fists or words, you cannot let the other party know you're afraid - I think that is very Jake of him to think that so good job there but the thing is, afterwards, he's been stumbling a lot through his words. I understand that you were trying to portray how anxious he felt around this seemingly estranged Sherry while at the same time, coming to terms that he likes her but I felt that went at odds with his motto from the beginning. Anxiety is a spin-off of fear after all. Certainly it's a normal reaction in that kind of situation but for Jake, I cannot even remember once during the game (although it's been a while) that he stuttered or stumbled over his words. Once in a while is fine, but even then... I'm also taking into consideration the fact that he's never felt this way before so of course his reaction would be new for the audience as well. But still, I kept trying to hear his voice throughout the dialogue and I just couldn't hear the Jake Muller in them. It's nice to see a vulnerable Jake but characterization is a tricky thing and the writer must contrast/compare how a 'normal' person would respond vs how the character would him/herself without losing their essence.
Second thing. Sherry's crush on Leon... As I understand it, he seems to be more of a father/guardian figure for her. Yes, it's not quite so uncommon for people to develop an attachment that could sway towards the infatuation side for their pseudo-guardian but I've never got the vibe that she saw him in that light. If anything, she would sees him more as a role-model. One can argue that it's a matter of interpretation but then both sides would have to start taking out their justification cards. Jake, I felt, would feel more threatened by the fact that he'd be ousted from his self-proclaimed protector of Sherry position and the fact that he's been watching her back for what felt like forever (in apocalyptic-time) that any stranger helping for once would make him wary of any ulterior motives. I see that you were trying to use the jealousy route to develop his view of Sherry but one has to keep in mind the realistic factors - yes, yes, this is fanfiction but if one wants to make their writing convincing then the writer has to make the audience believe it too. If the audience starts to question the plausibility then you've lost them.
I'm not exactly sure how to feel about Jake asking to be called Agent Wesker. He absolutely abhors what his father stands for; he's still trying to come to terms with the fact that his father's misdeeds aren't his legacy. So wouldn't he want no part of being tied to Albert Wesker and actually making an identity for himself? That he's not his father, Wesker, but he's Jake (Muller). That first step of many to taking responsibility for his own actions. Of course you could argue for both sides but since the line ended there, that's just my thoughts on it.
And now for the good stuff. I like your take on how his reunion with Sherry would go. Most stories I've read, they've at least tried to keep in touch but here, it seems like this is their first conversation in ages. Even though this is solely written in Jake's POV, I really wish I could have seen why Sherry kept up a business front. Sure, she's a professional but after going through the kinda things that even normal friends haven't even done - I'd figure she's the type to at least crack a smile and ask how things have been. But alas, we'll never know.
Another thing I liked was your speculation on how Jake would think about the other people in Sherry's life. His inferiority complex - the fact that he's beyond-human and yet is still doing deeds that are not up to par to these 'average' human beings - that was a very insightful angle and something that I can easily see Jake ruminating about. Your decision to make him start his resolution to becoming a better man (for either Sherry or for himself, or both) by going into the B.S.A.A. makes for an easy segue into another story - something I wouldn't mind reading about despite my constructive criticism up there.
| inteligencerles chapter 1 . 6/24/2014
Please write more? I'd love to see where you're gonna go with this because it was great!
| Allonah chapter 1 . 8/23/2013
You've got me craving for more, but this is an excellent ending. It never occurred to me to have Jake join the BSAA and it's just so asdfghjkl;'. Admittedly, there are a few grammatical errors, though not enough to stop me from finishing the whole thing. Good job!
| Twisted Cinderella chapter 1 . 1/31/2013
No sequel?! OMG that was good. Oh what a torture! Ah! Please - write more! Do something. I am dying here! Some Jake/Shake goodness, please! I just have no words right now haha
| The-Windflower-Fairy chapter 1 . 1/31/2013
I really like the tone of this story, and I think your characterization is wonderful. I can imagine Sherry having a little crush on Leon as she grew up, and always got the sense that Jake was jealous of the other men in her life from the game, so good job.
| Ace7321 chapter 1 . 1/31/2013
You shouldn't make this a one-shot, it got a bright future ahead of it. Update MOAR! MOOAR! XD
And uhh... pairing Sherry and Leon up, for me... it felt awkward, considering that Leon had always been Sherry's father figure, since he saved her in Raccoon when she was a little girl. Just saying! :)
But really, you REALLY got to continue this.
| 61wisampa chapter 1 . 1/31/2013
update. that's a demand!
XD awesome by the way, dude but Sherry's just... ugh... it's weird for me that Sherry like likes Leon, being the pseudo father he'd been after Raccoon... but whatever :)