|Reviews for A Step Forward|
| Guest chapter 1 . 2/8
There needs to be more powershipping! I loved this
| nooneknewthem chapter 1 . 5/4/2013
Convincingly written. I'm becoming more and more of a fan of yours.
| darksomeness chapter 1 . 2/8/2013
OHH I loved the characterization of little Marik! That was just too adorable. ; . ; And I could practically hear his little voice spiting the Pharaoh but admiring Priest. XD I really liked the intro, particularly how you incorporated our dear Odion into it. AND the Millennium Stone! That was great. :'D
Uh... brutalness... I dunno, maybe you could have been a little more specific about why Kaiba is meeting up with Ishizu? Other than that I have no real complaints. -w-
The bit about Marik blatantly ignoring the "Do not touch" sign stands out in my mind. He's like, "Byatches, I touched this giant rock my whole childhood, and ain't NOBODY gonna stop me!"
Kaiba's voice also stood out to me-I grinned a little when he said the bit about not looking back on the past, 'cause I could totally picture him saying something like that. ;)
My favorite part of all has to be at the ve-e-ery end when little Mokie is bragging about his big bro to Marik as well as being a smart little cookie and interpreting his advice for our dear blondie.
The nostalgiac feel that permeated this fic really appealed to me. Marik is good for that type of thing, nyah? XD Great job, lovely.
| Shujinkakusama chapter 1 . 2/5/2013
IT'S TOO EARLY AND I'M TOO TIRED FOR REVIEWS, SOB. This is excellent. Really excellent. I completely enjoyed it. Especially Mokuba. It was a really fresh take on the pairing-and I can't honestly decide whether I think Isis was secretly plotting behind their backs all along, or not, which I think works too.
All in all, excellent work! Good luck, darling!
| nihao.muse chapter 1 . 2/4/2013
Oh man... This is such a great take on powershipping. I was hooked from the start, especially since I could feel the time shift coming up and I'd get to see Marik's current thoughts on Seto.
Marik was so brave just to ask about going to the surface, knowing how forbidden that was. I never really thought about how hard it would have been just to broach the subject with his siblings...
"I wouldn't mind waiting if it was for the priest instead." YES, JUST YES. Everything was so in-character, how Marik admired the priest for defying his destiny and contrasting him with the Pharaoh's good fortune from birth.
Now I have lots of powershipping feelings again. I really believe it could work out in canon because they would have an understanding of each other, and this story just gave my headcanons a better background.
Okay, I always try to offer some concrit in my reviews, so I just have a couple more things to say. This first one's really minor, but I was a little surprised to see Rishid just refer to Marik by name. He always uses Master Marik (or Marik-sama) in the anime/manga. Second, the part with Ishizu felt a little unclear. So she set up a meeting between Seto and Marik, I think... But who did Marik think she was meeting with? And if she did trick them into meeting, how does Marik feel about that?
| spoonerdog123 chapter 1 . 2/1/2013
Nice job here - as always, you really nailed the characters! I particularly enjoyed the childhood sequence at the beginning, that was well done and tied nicely into the rest of the story. Kid!Marik somewhat idolizing Priest Seto was a nice move, that came across as believable to me; and the line 'I make my own destiny' was pulled straight from the Kaiba/Ishizu duel, wasn't it? I always enjoy how you fuse canon lines into the fanfic - that was extremely well done here! You always impress with that part of your writing, it was pretty obvious that you'd put some thought and research into writing this. I was expecting you to write something like your previous round, or maybe something like your Whispershipping fic - but nope, you threw me again. I'm seriously looking forwards to seeing what you do for the designated 'crack' round!
Alright, so for my concrit here, it's the same thing as what I normally go on about with your writing - detail (especially setting detail!) and near-constantly calling characters by their names. You're starting to do the latter now, but you could probably do it a little more - a good rule is to try not to use the name in two sentences next to each other, and never use it more than once in a sentence if you can avoid it.
Oh, and I did pick out a couple of specific sentences here that could be improved:
Firstly, unless I'm wrong this sentence seems to contradict itself: 'Marik's face was obscured in shadow, and his eyes were wide with the apprehension of someone with a guilty conscious'. If his face is obscured, you're not going to be able to see his eyes.
Secondly, 'Back thn, I- I wanted to be like the priest, and make my own destiny' - pretty sure you meant to put in 'then', right?
And thirdly, you might wanna note that Mokuba always calls Kaiba 'Big brother' (nii-sama) in the manga - it's more natural for him to use that term than Seto. You used it, but then you also used Seto, which threw me off a little bit. That's more of a personal opinion than anything else, though - so not really a problem there.
At any rate, very good work here - this one had a really nice flow and pacing to it, and you managed to include a flash back without using a weirdo format *cough I would have used one cough*. The fact that I actually went in there and picked you on a couple of sentences - that's a good sign, it means that I enjoyed it enough to read it several times, just to see where I could concrit you. I may have accidentally picked up an Abridged reference, but I'm fairly sure you didn't put it in intentionally.
And also, YAY I GET TWO AWESOME STORIES INSTEAD OF ONE THIS ROUND YES YES YESSSS.
If you TL;DR'd: Keep it up! ;)
| Fallenbey chapter 1 . 1/31/2013