|Reviews for That Which Makes Us|
| Moka-girl chapter 1 . 1/26
Well, this hasn't been updated in a while. Perhaps with a beta, you'll edit faster and get back to posting sooner?
| dontstopthedestiel chapter 1 . 12/19/2014
*critiques hunger games* *continues to write fanfic about it*
| Davos Seaworth chapter 1 . 9/29/2014
Hey, you've left some awesome critiques on my story, and I thought I'd check out your tale going on here. Good thing I did, seeing that this looks like it's headed good places after a strong opening chapter here (especially considering that I'm a stickler for lore-based stories, and this oozes lore.)
First things - the district re-naming in the post-war period is a real nice touch, especially given the political insight given into how some of the names have come about (D13 with its slightly standoffish "Columbia", for instance, or D2 with its beaten-down "The Bucket.") It gives a great early look into how the nation shapes up in the many years since the original trilogy ended and it does so in an informative-yet-interesting fashion via the codex quote (Also, the "warlord of the old world" Lincoln was a nice little touch about how history's trickled down into Panem.)
The intro chapter here's a little vague, but it's clear enough that Katniss has evolved into a much more entrenched and domineering leader as compared to her earlier revolutionary days. The writing's strong, although there are sentences and passages here and there where the stream-of-consciousness comes out somewhat staccato and halting when read - the line that begins, "The guards fuss enough..." in particular embodies that. I'm a nitpicker, but the flow of words and sentences is always something that stands out to me.
Despite that, it's a top-notch start to the story. While the latter half of the chapter doesn't tell the reader all that much in terms of what's what in the world, it's enough when, combined with the lore passage above it, to reach in a hook and keep me reading along. I'd love to see how Katniss has worked the Capitol into her pocket considering her status through the war and the time that's passed. Good stuff!
| ElementalEvolution chapter 1 . 8/19/2014
So you kindly reviewed my story a long time ago, so I decided that it would be nice to give you one back.
I simply love the description in this story: it's very detailed and well written, and I LOVE descriptive writing. The main problem with this story is that you lack a feeling of pace and excitement. Although I liked the description and what went on, your writing did not manage to reel me in like a story is supposed to. I also found myself to be confused over changing the names of the Districts.
I think that you've tried hard on focussing on the characters, but the timeline of events that occur in this chapter are not memorable. I don't remember what I've read. Now, I tell you, I don't want to brag or seem bigheaded, but I'm not stupid, and I understand the words you've written, but such eloquent language can cause younger readers than myself to become confused. It's no wonder that people do not enjoy your story, due to this. I am a man who loves his philosophy, but I don't find any intriguing elements in this story that make me want to read on.
I'd advise that allowing something more exciting to happen would help the story to become more interesting. I'd recommend maybe flitting from one POV to a second so that we get a change of scene. This will make the desperate and uncertainty of the battle (Revolution? Violent Protest?) outside seem more enthralling and enjoyable for your readers.
Other than this major problem, I appalaud you for both your effort and outstanding description.
All in all, this story is not for me. Despite the detail and description, I think that you need to spice up the chapters and make them more entertaining for your readers. I'm sorry, but I think this story is boring. I hope that the editing that you are doing on this story will make the story more exciting. If this is the case, please PM me, and I will be happy to read it again and tell you what I think.
Over and out!
| HestiaAbnegation11 chapter 1 . 8/11/2014
This doesn't make any sense at all, you critiqued my story so now its my turn.
District 3 and Hephaestus don't make sense at all! Nothing does. At all.
| Rayis2slick chapter 2 . 7/31/2014
| Rayis2slick chapter 1 . 7/31/2014
Honestly, i've read over all the hate comments, and as much as i don't want say they are right, but i'll have to agree with them, boring story with a hypocrite for a writer, if you don't want people criticizing your story, do go around doing the same thing.
| withie01 chapter 2 . 7/5/2014
Your incorrect. Katniss and Peetas sons name is Rye and their daughters name is Willow. It is not mentioned in the books but announced by Suzanne Collins not long after Mockingjay was released. Therefore, you are stupid.
| withie01 chapter 8 . 7/5/2014
Why is this fanfic so boring? You tell us about how much you hate ours but this is just too boring.
| lovely123125 chapter 1 . 7/5/2014
I don't know if I should read this fanfic, my friends say It sucks.
| withie01 chapter 1 . 7/5/2014
This fanfiction really sucks. Infact I fell asleep reading it. My friend had to throw a bucket of water onto me to wake me up.
| poseidon's hufflepuff daughter chapter 1 . 7/4/2014
Um, you can't criticize Dream Galleon's story, then write a story that will put me to sleep. I usually put nice reviews, but you criticized a good author.
| Pika And Olive's Adventures chapter 1 . 6/27/2014
I rather like the title of this story, and it seems to have an interesting concept! Now, this review will be a tad short but I hope to review the other chapters lata!
I like what it begins with! That's interesting! So the lady must be Katniss I'm assuming. Your writing is rather good, I really like the description. I can't wait to see where this story goes!
| smilesandrainbows chapter 1 . 6/23/2014
This is kinda boring, and it's hard to follow exactly what's happening.
| TW712 chapter 1 . 6/3/2014
You're a rude hypocrite I just read your story and I see a few errors. How dare you tell me not to label the POV, when that's what you're doing throughout your whole story. Like I said you need to chill out cause you're full of it