|Reviews for Lion King With A Twist|
| ShadesEdge chapter 30 . 1/8
God damn. I just binge read this whole story and I'm in awe. This was literally the best fucking story I've ever read. Good job sir/madam, you deserve it! I'm legit speechless...Time to read the sequel! I hope it'll be as successful as the first!
Again, congrats, this was an absolute treat to read!
| Heatblizzard chapter 10 . 10/8/2013
They should find some other group that is exiled build and army and conquer Pride Rock with the new army since they are now enemies they might as well act like ones and get the loot. Guess I have been playing too many real time strategy games.
| Heatblizzard chapter 4 . 10/8/2013
I know what that's like when people depart without even saying good bye. It is NOT cool.
| readsmanyfavsfew chapter 3 . 8/16/2013
The Fallen Trees were four huge trees that had fallen
Thank you. I was so confused until that was cleared up.
I'm going to be honest, your writing is like...really bad. Characters are just popping into existance, little to no flow at all, flashbacks every chapter because that's a cliche you feel the need to hit, and the soul collector thresh is just hanging around with lions now.
My advice for improvement: No more timeskips. If parts of the story you're telling us are so dull nog even you want to think about them, then your story needs some fundamental work. A good writer is a merciless editor, chopping off well written scenes to be concise yet poignant. Your just using flashbacks as a lazy way to skip to the fun or pertinent parts, and that's bad writing. Two, have your characters have a discussion alone without a specific goal in mind. Your dialouge and therefore character development is weak, extrmely weak, and needs help.
| readsmanyfavsfew chapter 2 . 8/16/2013
Oh god I can't do it. I just can't.
( Runs screaming for the hills)
Okay one that list of characters was a chapter?! 4 REALZ?
Two your dialouge is near dead in terms of flow. So many pauses and breaks that I started having trouble understanding whom was talking three lines in.
Three you're really not going to give any introduction to the ocs other than that list. WHAT!?
Three you might have broken a record for most redundant paragraph ever.
"Mom, you know I don't stand a chance. Penda's the leader and she won't choose a lioness like me as the next leader". Nala didn't think she would stand a chance. She also knew that her parents thought she wouldn't stand a chance, even though they denied it. She looked at her mother who looked away.
Just read that again. And just read that again. You made me do it, so you do it now too!
Good stuff: attempted an introduction, underneath the mangled dialouge some type of conflict has formed, atleast its not another list...
| readsmanyfavsfew chapter 1 . 8/16/2013
Okay. This is your first story. I'm going to be brutally honest and point out every show stopping story ruining mistake I see. Not flames. My honest opinion. If you like, feel free to ignore me and consider your writing perfect. Sarcasm happens to be a convienient tool for critiques for me, so try not to be too offended.
Introducing ocs with a list eh? I'll remember...none of them. If you wanna introduce a character and give them memorable personalities, you gotta write it in. Harry potter doesn't open with a list of names, does it?
| 2meanbrothers chapter 30 . 7/25/2013
I just read this and let me just tell you that it had me wanting to read more! You are a great author and I love the spin you put on my favorite movie
| Mystery99 chapter 30 . 5/20/2013
Aww, that's such a great ending. Can't wait for the sequel. By the way I read your note in the beginning of the chapter, does this mean you're going to have the pride find out about the dead cub in the sequel :) Just kidding! (Though it wasn't that much of a joke) Still I can't wait for a sequel of this it's probably gonna be about their kids isn't it.
| Lion king girl chapter 30 . 5/20/2013
You should make another fanfiction after this one with simba and nala as king and queen and they have a daughter name kiara
| reader chapter 29 . 5/18/2013
great chapter! i would love a sequel
| Mystery99 chapter 29 . 5/17/2013
Alright! Things are finally brightening up. It only makes you wonder where things will lead from here. However in this chapter you talked about what ended up happening to Simba, Nala and Kula but it seems you failed to mention the fate of a particular lion in the group. Please update
| Guest chapter 29 . 5/17/2013
Very nice chapter. Update soon.
| yeti1995 chapter 29 . 5/17/2013
Oh thank God! -sigh of relief- I'm glad Simba got to talk to Nala... Now that that's off their shoulders, I'm waiting to see how Mufasa will react to Simba's decision... And the cub! I'm waiting for that to come out of the bag too! The next chapters should be really interesting... Update soon!
| SkyPrint chapter 29 . 5/16/2013
Soo good! I hope you will continue the story! It's one if the things I look forward to.
| Guest chapter 28 . 5/12/2013
annoying brat nala might die.