Reviews for Gensokyo's Urban Legend
Tau Warlord chapter 6 . 4/22/2014
Really enjoying this bizarre, but gripping tale. Really want to see where this story goes and how messed up everyone's, sans the people who remember, new lives are.

Plus I'm a sucker for Mima
HUNK of Chernobyl chapter 6 . 2/15/2014
I could genuinely see Sanae reading De Sade, the reasoning behind it being a bit simple in terms of reasoning as a whole, but she strikes me as a bit, how do I put this? Genocidal? Yeah, I think that term would fit the bill, she strikes me as a frightening almost genocidal individual in the Touhou Games. Though it could also be that I have a bad habit of categorizing characters I don't pay too much attention to into categories into which they don't actually fit.

I can't help but find that the relationship between Sanae and Kanako is incredibly depressing in most regards, possibly because it hits rather close to home, but I digress, a "mother" that does not wish to act as one so that her "daughter" doesn't relate her to that role. She cares for Sanae yet does not want Sanae to view her as a Mother as that may complicate their relationship further. I can't wait to see how Suwako will fit into the dysfunctional family.

Oh, and I really like the combination of Mystia and Yuuka, it's adorable while at the same time maintaining a constant amount of comedy, it works really well. The orphanage bit got me wondering, are the Scavengers Team 9? I've already come to a sort of conclusion that Koishi is a part of them, at least from the previous chapter in which she was the pickpocket.

Didn't notice much in regards to errors, and I'm not really nit-picky in that regard. Can't wait for the next chapter, I patiently await the update.
HUNK of Chernobyl chapter 5 . 2/15/2014
Man, I'm loving this fic thus far, Yuuka's character is incredibly amusing to read, especially from Mystia's perspective. I like how you managed to transfer the Touhou characters over to our modern world without too much issue, and I like it even more how you managed to actually preserve their relationships while at the same time altering their characters enough to suit this new environment.

I didn't notice much in regards to error, at least not enough to be nit-picky about it, then again I read relatively fast in comparison to most people and as such tend to miss mistakes myself. But I did notice one mistake that people make more often than not, in the scene with Alice and Marisa when Marisa states "meine lieber" this is the incorrect variation as it combines the correct possessive pro-noun (meine, which is also the more feminine variation) with the male noun (lieber, the "er" at the end of words generally makes them masculine), the correct form would be "meine liebe", or "my love". Minor foreign-language nit-picks aside I really enjoy this fic.

To the next chapter.
KageNoYoko chapter 6 . 2/13/2014
you have a good basis of a story going here, though I must admit, it looks like you could stand to read over your work with a fine-toothed comb before publishing. I noticed several spelling and grammar errors, some missing words here and there, and a few misspelled words as well.

Nothing major that can't be solved with a bit of proofreading, though I was surprised to see an update to this story, since I stumbled upon it by accident about a month ago, deep into the archives. Usually I give up on anything that hasn't been updated in a while.

My suggestions, like I said, are proofread your chapters before you publish them, and perhaps use dictionary dot com while your writing, to look up words and cross-reference their spelling. Otherwise this story is rather good, though text-heavy.

Ja Ne!
Mattecat chapter 1 . 2/10/2013
Your formatting's a little wonky. If you're going to double-space your paragraphs, you should do it for all your paragraphs.

"Just… my feminine intuition"

"" is not a proper punctuation mark.

There are a couple of typos or something where you stick a period outside of dialogue. Those should be taken out, or put inside the quotation marks if they need to be there.

"Wow – mused Yuuka – You don't trust […]"

This should be:

"Wow," mused Yuuka. "You don't trust […]"

Same with the other times you use dashes in dialogue.

Okay, let me see if I've got the scenario down right.

Everyone in Gensokyo has been transported to a city also called Gensokyo, or Gensokyo itself has changed into a city. Whatever the case, the humans and youkai living there have found themselves stuck with no money, dressed in very strange clothes for the place they're in, and are without their powers. Yukari and Yuuka are the only two who have found each other, and are (presumably) living with Maribel. The why of that will be explained in a later chapter, most likely, so I won't dwell on it.

If I'm right, great! If I'm wrong, that might mean that you need to explain things better. Though right now, I think you're doing a good job with that.

Other than that, it seems interesting! Nice work!
Duwee Davis II chapter 1 . 2/3/2013
Well then, allow me to become your official Beta Reader. I'll be nice, I swear :D

Let's get started, shall we?

'Which means, it was a chaotic and noisy night.' Comma not required there. Read out loud how sentences sound, and put commas where you'd appropriately stop for breath. 'Which mean it was a chaotic, noisy night' would be better.

'"Aww, too bad for that. Well, if it can comfort you, you've still got me… I know you're more into youngsters, but-" Yuuka's insinuations were cut short from a slap directed to her face. "You say that one more time and you're sleeping outside". Yuuka replied with a heartily laugh. "THAT's the best threat you can come up with? You're getting soft, Yukari. Maybe you don't feel confident enough when we're not on your turf, huh? Or maybe it's the absence of your darling teenaged love do-" this time, Yukari had toppled the table on her. "Shut. It. You speak about Reimu like that again, and I'll burn down your garden when we're back to Gensokyo. Is that clear?"' Including several pieces of dialogue from different people in the same paragraph is jarring and daunting to a reader. Organise as so:

'"Aww, too bad for that. Well, if it can comfort you, you've still got me… I know you're more into youngsters, but-" Yuuka's insinuations were cut short from a slap directed to her face.

"You say that one more time and you're sleeping outside." Yukari replied, piercing the Flower Youkai with her gaze alone.

Yuuka replied with a heartily laugh. "THAT's the best threat you can come up with? You're getting soft, Yukari. Maybe you don't feel confident enough when we're not on your turf, huh? Or maybe it's the absence of your darling teenaged love do-"

This time, Yukari had toppled the table on her. "Shut. It. You speak about Reimu like that again, and I'll burn down your garden when we're back to Gensokyo. Is that clear?"'

See how it looks less wordy despite being just as wordy? Makes it look easier to read.

'"Back to serious business, anyway. You'd had more luck in finding someone else from Gensokyo?" asked Yukari.
Yuuka hummed uneasily at the question, then spoke: "Well, yes and no. I have found someone, but contacting her… well, that's a whole other story".
"What do you mean by that?". "Well, it's Yasaka Kanako. And that means…"
"Bad news, I get it. – Yukari cut her off – How bad?".
"Wow – mused Yuuka – You don't trust Ms. Native Goddess much, huh? And you're right. Apparently, she's currently a higher-up in the armaments sector. Some sort of big joint-industry that produces weapons."
Yukari's face remained perfectly still. If she was surprised, she didn't show it. Then, she said in a deadpan tone: "Seems like her kind of thing. I wonder if she's always been like that…" she trailed off. "Like what?" asked Yuuka, already half-knowing where Yukari was going.
"Like a… a… mmh, like a man, actually. You know, forgetful, immature, opportunist, violent… that sort of behavior"
Yuuka yawned – "Ahunggg… interesting".
Yukari pretended she didn't hear her: "Anyway, that's all you know about her right now?"
"Hm-hm. Nothing more, for now. Name of her company's Yasaka Industries."
"Ok. Apart from her, you've found anyone else?" asked Yukari.
"No. Not for now. Buuuut, I'm confident I will find someone else soon" was Yuuka's answer. "Oh. And what makes you so confident?" replied Yukari, having recovered at least part of her usual coolness.
"Just… my feminine intuition" answered Yuuka, her annoying grin growing even wider.
Yukari deadpanned: "That sounded like something out of some cheesy two-copper-pieces comedy".
"Eh, whatever. Anyway, if there's nothing else I think I'll be going now. No offense, but I don't like this place. It feels like… like we're two old, rich, decadent dumbasses, retired from life, their hearts and brains empty from the weariness of living, looking for excitement in some dingy bar in a pastless tourist city, hoping to feel young again. As if they'd ever been young in the first place". And with that jarringly pretentious line, Yuuka got up and left.' Same here. Spacing. Like this:

'"Back to serious business, anyway. You'd had more luck in finding someone else from Gensokyo?" asked Yukari.

Yuuka hummed uneasily at the question, then spoke: "Well, yes and no. I have found someone, but contacting her… well, that's a whole other story."

"What do you mean by that?". "Well, it's Yasaka Kanako. And that means…"

"Bad news, I get it. – Yukari cut her off – How bad?"

"Wow – mused Yuuka – You don't trust Ms. Native Goddess much, huh? And you're right. Apparently, she's currently a higher-up in the armaments sector. Some sort of big joint-industry that produces weapons."

Yukari's face remained perfectly still. If she was surprised, she didn't show it. Then, she said in a deadpan tone: "Seems like her kind of thing. I wonder if she's always been like that…" she trailed off. "Like what?" asked Yuuka, already half-knowing where Yukari was going.

"Like a… a… mmh, like a man, actually. You know, forgetful, immature, opportunist, violent… that sort of behavior."

Yuuka yawned – "Ahunggg… interesting."

Yukari pretended she didn't hear her: "Anyway, that's all you know about her right now?"

"Hm-hm. Nothing more, for now. Name of her company's Yasaka Industries."

"Ok. Apart from her, you've found anyone else?" asked Yukari.

"No. Not for now. Buuuut, I'm confident I will find someone else soon" was Yuuka's answer.

"Oh. And what makes you so confident?" replied Yukari, having recovered at least part of her usual coolness.

"Just… my feminine intuition" answered Yuuka, her annoying grin growing even wider.

Yukari deadpanned: "That sounded like something out of some cheesy two-copper-pieces comedy".

"Eh, whatever. Anyway, if there's nothing else I think I'll be going now. No offense, but I don't like this place. It feels like… like we're two old, rich, decadent dumbasses, retired from life, their hearts and brains empty from the weariness of living, looking for excitement in some dingy bar in a pastless tourist city, hoping to feel young again. As if they'd ever been young in the first place". And with that jarringly pretentious line, Yuuka got up and left.'

Also, I've noticed you have a habit of putting full stops/periods for dialogue outside the speech marks rather than inside them. It's always inside them.

'Arrrgh, what was wrong with her?' I'm well aware of your stylistic narration, but I don't think Yukari would ever think 'Arrrgh'. It's just not her. She's too... sophisticated.

'(how she missed the ability to use her gaps. They were showy, and very useful in that kind of situations)' Simple grammar error. It's THESE kinds of situations, not that kind of situations.

'The leaf was a sign. A clue. Of course. She was telling her to find her younger sisters, who were still hanging on to the tree who birthed them. And there, her adorable little buds would be.' I actually really like what you're doing with Yuuka. It's a cool idea to have a very morally dubious eco-campaign than a benign one, heh heh.